We all now have a fun new way to tell people to stop blowing up our phones my politely telling them to "Stop Telephonin Me. I'm Busy" I like this. Straight to the point with just the right amount of 'tude. What I'm getting to, which I'm sure you can see, is a review of the Telephone video with Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce, in true Sarah Hollock fashion. It will feel like I went behind the scenes and was there for the filming of this 10 minute piece of work because if you weren't there you might watch and by the end just say "damn that Lady Gaga's crazy". That seems to be the usual consensus. Let's start!
Telephone is a fucking awesome track on Gaga's Fame Monster album. It's so kick ass and fun to dance to! Like the lyrics say; she's "Out in the Club, and I'm sippin' that bubb', and your not gonna reach my telephone." "Stop callin', stop callin', I don't wanna talk anymore. I got my head and my heart on the dance floor."
My personal favorite-"Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.....Stop telephonin' me!" And the great "Tonight I'm not taking no calls cause I'll be dancing, Cause I'll be dancing, Cause I'll be dancing!"
With this being said you think a traditional club video with lots of champagne bottles would fit the bill, right? Absolutely not people! Gaga, like normal, decided to think way outside of the box on this one and came up with a glorious "Thelma & Louise" themed party for her and Honey B.
Now since I consider myself a veteran on this video, I have officially wasted 80 minutes of my life watching the performance since the Thursday evening premiere. I will also say 1st and foremost.....this is NOT my favorite Lady Gaga video and no Lady Gaga will never have Britney like videos. I had to mention that because I kept seeing that as a trend on blogs and comments about the video stating that "She'll never be as good as Britney." "She ain't Britney." or "I like Britney's videos better." Whoa okay now......after just writing all those britney quotes I feel as through I need to step in and speak on behalf of both these great women. 1st off......UMMM HELLOOOO!!!! Do you really think Gaga wants to be anything like Britney Spears?! Yes, Gaga has admitted to still idolizing Spears, dying to do a duet with her, and having Britney posters on her wall. BUT she is a totally different type of performer. I think maybe Gaga just wants to hang with Brit is because she think if they put both their absolutely INSANE brains together they will come out the the masterpieces of all masterpieces. I believe this to be true too. ANDDDDD another though for all of you "she ain't no Britney" peeps, well obvi. Gaga came out, skipped all the good girl motions as we usually see girls go through and she just came out straight up crazy. And is great! She is absolutely hilarious. If you actually listen to her lyrics and get the wonderful dark humor that lays inside of her songs, you will see her completely differently. She follows no one and makes her own rules as she goes. Her main thing is to let others be able to release their inner freak without being ashamed.
Enough nonsense, let's get to the good stuff! (this portion is X rated so those under 18 please do not read) Thanks dolls!
The video begins with Gaga getting her ass thrown in jail and they strip her down and say "told ya she don't have a dick." Then Gaga appears in the recreational area outside with the other inmates and makes out with this other girl for a good while. The scene is completely unnecessary but Gaga always says how much she loves women so I'm sure she just threw this in there for her benefits. Now we are back inside at a fight scene where she has diet coke cans in her hair and they announce Beyonce is calling for Gaga so she gets on the payphone(man, I love payphones), and starts to sing. Then she does a whole dance scene down the jail cell with like 5 other girls all decked out in there bra's and thongs. She looks soooo much like Madonna circa the '80's in this video it's crazy. The real dark brows with the short blonde hair. It's awesome. Then Honey B bails her ass out. Gaga comes out wearing a fabulous getup with a darling hat and pink hair. The best part of the scene is the jail attendant letting her out but they show what website is in on twice which is a dating site for chicks called Fish Lovers, I believe. They have blurred it out since Thursday night. The video was a little more naughty Thursday. She jumps in the van with Honey B and is told that she has been a "very very bad girl". Honey B is eating a honey bun and gives Gaga a bite, which she takes like a dog that hasn't seen food in a while. Then throws the remainder out the window. The dialogue in the next 30 seconds is probably some of the best, humerus, dark, pure crazy, things only I believe Gaga would write. She asks Honey B if she wants to go through with this and she says yes then Gaga says "Well you know once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger." Gaga looks over at B and looks at her after she says this with a priceless facial expression. Then Honey B comments back to Gaga saying "Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it's broke." Then Gaga states "But you can still see the crack in the motherfucking reflection." Honey B looks strangely at Gaga then breaks into her solo.
Then we arrive at the small diner on the side of the road. Honey B sits down with her boy toy Tyrese. They speak and it is also translated into captions because it does begin to get a bit loud. When he isn't looking she adds a small bottle of poison to his coffee. (CLASSIC GAGA VIDEO MOVE) Then we just to my favorite part. The bridge of the song. Gaga is in the kitchen, with her backup dancers, of the diner whipping up some sandwiches. She has a magnificent phone headpiece and is dressed in a thick rubber which you can see her nipples through and a white apron. The brand Wonderbread is shown a lot. Gaga is flawless in this scene and if you are used to her videos she is making funny faces and insane gestures as she dances in the kitchen that we are used to. Then we get to my favorite part!!! They quickly do a shot of Beyonce and show Tyrese coughing. A flash appears and Gaga gets the great idea to make a batch of poisonous breakfast food. She walks out and serves the food and as Tyrese chokes to death, Honey B says "I knew you would take all my honey you selfish motherfucker". Everyone in the diner is poisoned and the corpse lay everywhere just as Honey B and Gaga begin a huge dance scene in the diner with those that survived. Gaga and Honey B are dressed in a wonder woman gladiator theme. Done up in American flags. They flee the scene and hop into the Pussy Wagon truck. Flashes of them dancing outside of it show as the video comes to an end. A new flash appears letting us know that both ladies are fleeing from the massive homicide they committed earlier and they drive far far away from the crime scene. THE END!
If you are wildly confused, don't fret. I'm very good at figuring out and explaining these impressions that are trying to be made and their everlasting impact on the pop culture world. They are many many hidden meanings in this artistic piece just like they're are behind my favorite "Paparazzi."
Now I read a blog yesterday where the video was actually dissected and showed what heavy significance they video wold play on American society. I found this person to be a little strange. It's a music video to a song called Telephone! Yeah it's fun and cool but long lasting significance on American Society? I don't think so. It will probably be forgotten as Lady Gaga's musical career advances. The only thing I see of any significance is the glamorization of Jail and the inmates and the glamorization of murder and death. (which have boths been used many times before). The all American diner carries a small significance in this story as it shows real life in a small town and I believe the red, white, and blue costumes at the end sum up "only in America." The only point that I have made that I am going to further investigate is the usage of poison(s) in Lady Gaga videos. In the past 3 videos she has killed off her lovers(in this case she killed of her friends lover). I love this and I think it stands for feminine power. Just because this video is 10 minutes long does not mean that it has more significance that "Paparazzi", or "Bad Romance." maybe I'll examine those next but for now we are all done! If you have any questions or just love the video, please leave your support! This is official the longest blog I ever wrote.
Peace & Love
S
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