I think I'll try...Defying gravity...And you can't pull me down

Hello my darling fans! I am home from NYC and have lots to tell you. Just to begin, 1st off, no I did not make season 7 of SYTYCD. I was cut after the 4th round but it was a delightful experience that I will go into later.

Sunday afternoon I dropped my baggage off and walked straight to Radio City where Lady Gaga was to perform later on that night. Just as I suspected, there were a good handful of scalpers. I had planned this little event in my head since I knew she would be there while I was and being a huge fan and loving the theatrical feel she gives to her performances I just knew I couldn't miss this. So I'm standing there in the doorway of the subway entrance with my guy and I got him down to $100 for a pretty good seat from what I could tell. And then out of no where I grew up a little. I gave him the ticket back and said I'm sorry sir but I just can't. And in a good old NYC way the guy told me to "fuck off you little bitch don't come around here wasting my time bitch" as I walked away. Now see when I auditioned for a little show called American Idol back in it's prime, I was 21. I made it to the top 100 in NYC and the final round I sang for Simon, Paula, and Randy. But you see I had made really good friends with two guys that worked for MTV and it was the week of the VMA's. My final aud. was on Friday but I was invited and given a ticked to go with my two new friends to Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera's VMA after party at the Roseland. Now at 21, this was wayyyy more important than my career obviously. So I went, mingled with a ton of awesome musicians and sent myself home at 3am. Slept for a couple hours and went to the Waldof Astoria and was not in prime condition. Did I make it to Hollywood......no. If I would have stayed in and rehearsed......yes I very well may have. Point in case here is that I decided to get a good nights sleep this time around for this open call.

Monday was HORRIBLE! I stood in the freezing cold rain, drenched to the bone for a good 3 hours, got in the theatre around 9:30/10, and didn't go on until 7pm!!!! Talk about tired!!! I think the whole production team had gone to Gaga the night before because Bad Romance was on repeat for us to improv to. I did great through and got sent through to the next round. Tuesday same shit different producers. Danced from 8 to around 4, did all the cheesy interviews they make you do, and got cut on the 4th round. I was told my contemporary wasn't strong enough and to work on it and come back later this year or next. It was a really fun audition and cool cause we got to watch everyone. Amazing male dancers!!!! Amazing! I was not disappointed but for maybe 5 minutes then was over it. Like I had stated before I had left......I don't want to have to do a reality show but I want a job out of it. And I still have tons of faith I'll get a great dancing job that I'll love. So practice, practice, practice! BTW everyone fails and it's those who keep going back and trying again are those who succeed. Never give up people <3.

Tuesday night I went to see Wicked. LOVED it! Definitely in my top 5!!! I can't get it out of my head! What's you're favorite musical? I'm still dying to see Lion King. I'm going to see "In the Heights" next week here in pgh. Soo excited!

After Wicked it was like almost 11 I think and I was in such a good mood so I decided to go get a glass of champagne at my old place of employment, Hotel Gansevoort. So I'm sitting at the bar drinking and I was like getting drunk(prob cause I totally forgot to eat that day and I was running on no sleep.) I looked around and who did I see, only a cast member from my favorite show Glee, Chris Colfer aka Kurt!!! So I said f it and went and said hi and sat down. We had an absolute blast. It was just me, Chris, and his agent. Then we moved from the rooftop to another bar in the hotel. And the rest is blurry hahaha. I was doing Britney Spears dances for them of course.

Then it was time to go home. Eww! I hoped on the subway and went to Chinatown before I left to pick up some fake good. I totally scored big time! And bought a couple gifts for my darling girlfriends and cousins. And well that's that kids. I peaced out and went to the airport. I really miss NYC and living there. It's just soo fun and energetic to walk outside at midnight and the streets are packed and the lights are bright and you feel like you can do anything. I'm sure everyone feels the same when they go there or have lived there. I'm not looking to move back though. I am looking into moving to LA for Pilot season maybe??? We'll see!

Alright there......longgggg blog hahahaha! Always keep dreaming and never give up! You only live once so do what makes you happy! No matter what it may be!

Peace & Love

S

If you have any further questions about auditions, resumes, headshots, and so on just write me and I will help you out as much as I can.

you turn every head but you don't see me

Short and sweet just wanted to say hi and hope everyone is well. Vamos RAFA!!!! Kicking some ass in the Australian Open! I'm off to nyc for the week to cause some trouble myself and hopefully kick some ass as well. I love the energy performers feed off of eachother. I can't wait to be around that again. I probably won't want to come home. Glad to be leaving after all the events that occurred and made me very sad this week. Trying to lift my spirits but last night I made a death mix. Totally made me cry all night. Set Fire to the Third Bar, Trouble, Hallellujah, Everybody Hurts, Something in the Way, Wonderwall(ryan adams version), Talk Show Host, and Strange and Beautiful. It's an awesom mix with amazing artists so if you feel like making a downer mix, I give this one props.

Well I'm going to try to get some shitty seats from a scalper for under $200 to go see lady gaga tomorrow night. She give me soo much energy and thats exactly what I need to start off my week. Lots of classes at my favorite studio-Broadway Dance Center, and being happy. Soooo Peace out loves and the blog will be back to normal when I return I promise. No more of this journal writing style stuff.

Treat yourself to something you love this week. I know I am.

Peace & Love

S

Work it, Bitch!

I'm absolutely thrilled I have a minute to sit down and write. I utterly exhausted from dancing all day but it's good exhaustion. I'm soo happy to be back at doing what I love and what I know. I gave this up for a few years and I was miserable. I didn't give it up because I quit, I gave it up because I was very depressed and couldn't focus on something so important. Well I'm back and better than ever(minus my right développé which isn't quite up to my ear yet so I'm mad but I'll prob sit here all night and make it be!). I'm going to nyc on Sunday for a few days of auditions(aka my vaca from the blog). Super excited! And then I just found a few other things that I want to audition for, if I happen to not get a job next week, in Feb! Dancing is like the best high I can get. We'll actually performing is the best high I think you can ever get. All that energy you have waiting in the wings to go out on stage and then just tearin' it up, its fucking amazing!

So here's what it's all about. What the hell do you want to do? There are soo many amazing things to do with dance besides teaching, which everyone knows I hate but I did do it for 3 years. Just think about NYC, LA, and Vegas alone how many dancers are needed a year. Broadway, off Broadway, Tour back up dancers, Show dancers, Dancers on tv shows, and the list goes on and on. It's crazy!!! And I bet if you looked into it you could find that your passion is out there too but you just have to say "fuck it" and get out there! Life's short. All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them-Disney. I finally feel again as if I were 21 and all I wanted was to drop out of school and go to nyc! There is NO need for me to ever go back to a cube. And if I can do this, you guys can do this too! I promise!!! Last year at this exact time I was probably in DBT class locked up in Cope. Dreams do and can come true. One of mine has already and that was to be happy so I think this next one should be a piece of cake. And no matter what.......NEVER GIVE UP! And don't EVER SETTLE.

Now there is one person who has a dream but I don't really see it happening. Ms. Heidi Montag has recently stated that her dream is to be a pop star. Wow Heidi that's one of my dream to but I know I don't have the vocals. You sing like me......just ok. It's not good enough. And PLEASE never say you want to be like Britney Spears. You will NEVER be like Britney. Britney, for one thing, is all natural. Unlike you who had 15 plastic surgeries and look non human. Secondly Britney Spears is a pop icon and has been since she was 17. And bitch can perform like there is no tomorrow. So just please don't ever say that you could even compete with Brit because you are like cement on the ground compared to her. Ok sorry just had to get that out of my system.

And really though......don't we all grow up and dream of being rock stars. I know I did. I'm not ashamed. It's hands down the best job in the world. Anyone disagree?

So like my other blogs this has turned into a bunch of rambling. I really need to stop following Courtney Love on Twitter. I think that's where I am getting this shit. Anyways go after your dreams no matter what! I got your back!

Peace, Love, & DREAMS

S

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.


It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Boys. Sometimes a Girl Just Needs One.

When you live in a small town like ohh let's say Pittsburgh, or a Village as my friend Tom would call Pittsburgh, what do you do when you want to date someone who's completely anonymous to you and your friends. It doesn't work. See now in this small population(ok ok I know there are smaller places but just let me call the city of "chamions" small for a min), you will never find someone that is not in a way connected to one or a few of your friends or you know their best guy friend or blah blah blah. It sucks!!!

Everytime I meet someone new I get sooo excited and as the weeks go on not only has he slept with a friend of mine but he also somehow hangs out with my whole crew and I guess I didn't even bother to notice. I truly don't pay attention to anyone. It's a bad habit so this is very easy to miss for me. Or you meet another anonymous great guy and all of your friends know him so everyone has an opinion. Or, my favorite, you just get totally stuck in your circle of friends and before you know it you've dated/hooked up with a few of your hot little guy friends. The only people I have dated that NO ONE KNEW were Will and Edward. One didn't live here and the other, ohh I can't talk about him, he was just perfect. Don't want to bring the memories back. But really in ALL these years that it! I met 2 anonymous guys!!! Bullshit that's what I say to that!

So yeah yeah yeah I swore off dating for a year to concentrate on my career. Blah blah blah boring! Not my career but my dating life. I swear I have better energy, my writing gets crazy creative, and I want to be a better person when I really like someone. Right now I think I'm getting a case of the winter blues. I'm totally sleeping 14 hours a day........not normal! (even though I won't lie....sleeping is my favorite activity. I have sooo many hot bf's when I dream. Well actually recently I've been having a steady relationship with Tyson Ritter in my dreams. He's fucking awesome! And now if I ever meet him someone will have to erase this because I look like an obsessive freak.)

I actually found my self a week back searching for boys I had crushes on in high school, facebook pages. Why do I want to regress back to someone I "went with" at 14! This is my theory people....I did a full loop and I don't know where to go. Like should I move. Absolutely yes. Without a doubt. But what about in the meantime? Do I go back to where I started? Well whatever happens I know I have my soulmate out there somewhere. Maybe I have met him, maybe I haven't. But he's out there. I kinda think he doesn't live here. Maybe this is God's way of saying "....sarahhhh get out of the town where the sun never shines." Ohh and that's another thing. Do you know it's not sunny besides maybe 30 days out of every 360 here. Yep. Summer this year.....yeah it just never came. And winter, well these past 2 have been absolutely horrendous. Okay back to the point.

Alright I'm done but just think to yourself....and just keep thinking. And wait have I really met everyone is the little town/city as some might call it?

*Dedicated to all of the ex loves of my life.

Peace & Love
S

UPDATE

So this was written almost an entire year ago and nothing has changed in my sense of staying away from the repulsive guys in Pittsburgh that I happened not to meet this year. I did an A+ job of steering clear and not speaking to, showing no interest, accepting no dinner or movie dates, and absolutely no dating in this town. Now while on vaca's, which I do frequently, maybe I kissed a few hot out of towners. All was done in fun and no numbers were allowed to be exchanged. At least no one was getting mine! As this may seem a little drastic.....well you have to see where I'm coming from. I used to be a serial dater. I never was not dating someone. Sometimes this was a pain because a girl needs some peace and quiet every now and then ya know. While I was doing this, something would always hit me, and what it was was that I was, at the time, very much in love with someone else and these were just all excuses to think I was over it. I'm NOT a get over it kinda chick though. If I fall in love with you I am pretty much screwed because well that's that and lord knows it's going to be quite sometime before I get over it. And the worst is that I try to act pretty cool about the whole thing and let it go but deep down it's not going anywhere. From my knowledge and from what I know of love (which I believe to be this wonderful madness deep down inside of you that makes you a little bit nuts because you can't believe how wonderful laying on the grass and looking at starts could be while holding each others hands and the crazy fainting signs you get when you kiss and the feelings that no matter what happens everything will be okay because your with and have this one particular person there to hold. Love is tricky but it's not that hard to watch it happen. I fall fast. I wish I didn't fall so fast but I love being in love. End of story.) I haven't a clue where I left off but what I was getting at is that this taking a year off of dating actually was a great experience. I got to actually take a look at, from the outside, what I was doing. I was wasting other peoples time. That's what I was doing. Even though I am not in love at the moment......all those prior years I pretty much was, which a boy that I was too scared to tell him how I felt even though we'd been through all hell together. I will swear to never date another person unless I actually do have feelings for them back because I know how bad it sucks to be in it the other way around. From now on I'm not holding anything back. I really wish I would have told that one person how i felt back then. Maybe nothing would have happened but at least I would have been able to get it out to them and told them how much I loved them. And as for the future.......I am finally moving! And I am sooo excited to be in a relationship again I just cannot even wait!

The World is a Vampire

This is going to sound more like a journal entry then a put together blog but I want to give you guys something since I have not written since Monday or Tuesday. I am so so sooo sorry for that but in all truthfulness, I have just had a very uneventful not too great week. It snowed everyday and the only time I got out, besides today, was on Tuesday to go to the doctors to get more bad news about my back. I'm sure I've told you this but I have two raised disks and bad scoliosis from when I was younger. Enough about that though because I do not feel like talking about it because I am very mad about it right now.

Other than that I have just been dancing twice a day and making sure I warm up properly so I don't tear anything. Everything is coming along great and I have a really great feeling about my auditions.

Tonight I visited Cope for the 1st time since I was discharged last March. I am not "technically" aloud to visit until March but I said fuck it and went to see one of my very very good girlfriends that is back in. It was sooo great seeing her and everyone else (nurses, RT's, other fellow patients). So since nobody said anything I am going to get to visit her all the time!!! Very exciting. I was sooo happy to be able to leave though at the end. I forgot how awful it is to have all of your freedom taken away and be locked up. It makes me that much more grateful for the tiny things in life we tend to neglect such as driving, taking a walk, and to go to bed whenever you please.

I really missed my sorority sisters this week. Probably cause I was snowed in so I had a ton of time to think and just wish we all lived closer. I am soo blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I also don't really like this being single thing by any means. I was trying it out and I'm bored and over it. I like to be dating someone.....I guess there is nothing wrong with that. I love being excited and all that lovey dovey crap. I can't help it. So I will still say....I DO NOT want to get married anytime soon, I will say if the right person comes along this year I'm not going to push them away this year just because I wanted this year to be all about me. I'm much happier when I have someone else to love and care about. So if anyone knows any perfect guys for me let me know!!!

Hope your weeks went well and you are all grateful for the things that you have in your life and thankful for the love that you have at the end of the day. Tell those you love that you love them daily and never neglect. P.S. That is a really awesome pic of Kate Moss and Courtney Love above at an event years ago.

Peace & Love,

S

*I have an awesome music piece I am working on which is coming along slowly. I got the idea last month when I was going through Rolling Stone's 500 Best Albums. If you get a chance, go look at that. It's really cool.

I am as Vain as I Allow

Yes! ....2009 and the years behind that are over! Finally! 2010 is going to be awesome. I just feel it in the -2 degree air! I just want to make one thing clear to you this year.....I do not wish to be in a serious relationship and do not wish to be proposed to. Thank You.

I've decided to switch it up this year and actually let all of you hotties know what's going to work and what's not. I'm a pretty simple girl and very extraordinary so don't worry this won't be boring. I don't want a guy in suit who has plans to move to the suburbs and start having a family. I've had my fair share of those and it is the BIGGEST turn off ever! Soo, let's begin.

WANTS
1. Nothing serious. Let's just have fun. Act like kids for a while. Be happy and not think about tomorrow but just live in today.

2. Someone to lay around with and play video games with all day in our sweats.

3. I love boys who fuck around with their guitars at all times and have jam sessions with their buddies. To me that's really fucking cool.

4. Be an individual and do not discriminate towards anyone. That will end everything faster then you even know.

5. You can be as immature as you want(cause I am as well), but once and a while be able to hold an intellectual conversation.

6. Be a dreamer.

7. Must have a laid back cool individual sense of style.

8. And be able to deal with my frequent vaca's, and that my friends come before anything.

9. Don't cheat. Just break up with me 1st. Is that too hard?

10. Stay in bed with me all day and play if I ask.

Soo that's not too hard right? I've been dating the biggest douchelords in the world I think. I can name like maybe one that had some of these qualities. 2010 is going to be different.

A Little About Me
I'm not changing for anyone. Most days I wake up, turn on Taylor Swift, and sing into my brush in my underwear. If that's going to be a problem then back off. I wouldn't care if you did the same.....well hopefully not to Taylor. I really have started thinking and worrying about myself and not everyone else around me. I will love, love, love the fuck out of you but if you hurt me or do something stupid, I'll have to move on. I have a shitload of goals right now so commitment is kind of hard that's why I want to make sure you read (1.) over and over ohh and the part about no marriage talk. I'm the best gf ever but do have a short attention span. Sorry. I do promise though that my heartbreaking days are over. Treat others how you would like to be treated! I a really fun chick. I'm also a lover of writing and recieving love letters and random roses.

Okay that's enough but here are some important questions to please send to your friends that you think I'd like or you or whomever hahaha this is soo fun!

1. What is your favorite band?(cliche? I don't think so. This actually tells a whole fucking story about a person.)

2. Favorite thing to do?

3. Do you tend to think about the future a lot or tend to try to just live one day at a time?

4. Do you talk about your cubicle job a lot? Do you have a cubicle job?(this also says a lot)

5. If you could live anywhere or plan on moving in the near future, where may it be?

6. Are you a sports freak? (I personally like Rafael Nadal but I don't take my tennis love too much out of hand.)

7. Would you care to live in a small apartment as long as you were with the one you loved?

8. Do you love to be in love?

9. Do you have a cool group of friends and love to have guy time? (I would sure fucking hope so)

10. Are you offended by all of my horrible language that I just put in this blog? (If so, I am truly sorry. Trying to quit.)

And my thing is "It is always better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" Relationships are sticky and no matter how much love is there sometimes it may not work but you always have the wonderful memories.

Peace & Love,

S

-can't wait to hear what you think!

Keep on, Keeping on

I was watching a random channel last night when a segment on a young high school aged boy came on. One thing was different though, he had lost his sight when he was 10. He seemed like the sweetest most charming young man. Played football, blind, for his high school team and spoke many many words of wisdom that were just beyond his years. His biggest fear is to get his sight back. Most of us sit here and think how awful it would not to have sight but he finds it to be one of his advantages. If you think about it, he may have exactly the right idea. How awful is this world that we live in today? Basically being judged on looks alone, everyone feels they must get plastic surgery to be secure enough to leave the door. It's all very sad. But the worst is the violence and the sadness that hover over us everyday. He imagines the world in all its colorfulness and beauty and leaves no room in his imagination for harm. This is why he doesn't want his sight back......to have to see what we see. It was beautiful the way he put it and I'm very sorry if I am not portraying the story correctly but I'm trying. The last but most important thing he said was "If you have a disability don't use your disability. Instead use it as a leg and run." This really hit me hard because I do sometimes sit and dwell on "what if I didn't have this and gosh my life would be better if everything could just be normal?!"

Of course these are normal thoughts for us with disabilities but we really just need to feel blessed with what God has given us because we were given disabilities for a reason. At first you get so made at God and can't understand why.....why you? What did you do to deserve this? But in all reality, God trusted in us to be able to handle these illnesses and disabilities to be able conquer and become much stronger than others. It took me years to realize this but this young man realized it right away. Whether it be blindness, loss of hearing, diabetes, eating disorders, cancer, manic-depression, or heart disease. The whole goal of everything is to get better and except that you are not normal and once you do......use it as a leg and start running! Never be scared to show your scares and battle wounds, and never stop chasing your dreams.

P.S. I am going to try to find this segment and I will post it. It's truly amazing.

Peace and Love

S

Take back now, My life you're stealing

Happy New Year my loves!!!! Hope everyone had a fun and safe NYE......I know I sure did have the fun part! Safe?? Well if you count taking way too many shots, falling on the dance floor over and over(I'm a dancer too to make matters worse), and not remembering anything from 12:30 to about 3am, then sure I was definitely safe! Hahaha ohh how much I forgot I hated drinking! I drank 3 times this month and everytime was quite disastrous I must say. This is why I prefer to stay in or go do sober activities much more. I lost my camera. I probably had some cool photos too of me drunk. Damnit! I looked very delicious as well, I must say. I did a very smokey eye last night! I never wear make up but when I do I do it up! It was really pretty.

So I discovered a new guy tonight. I'm watching Cribs(I'm too hungover to focus today obviously considering the tv was on which is RARE!), and this cute cute funny guy is showing his apt. He was soo funny I was just dying laughing. I seriously am smiling right now about a guy that I may never meet and lives across the country. So he's in the band All American Rejects and his name is Tyson Ritter. How did I miss him before. He recently broke up with his supermodel actress gf. So if this whole going to LA thing for dance works out this year we'll be in the same town. Great! He's adorable.......does anybody else have the love bug for Tyson Ritter?

Well that's all. Nothing too fascinatingly new. I'm VERY sore from dancing 24/7 and my legs literally feel like they are to heavy to lift. Very happy for my friend Tera's grandpa winning his last bowl game as the head coach for FSU. I cannot wait to get out of Pittsburgh for a while. Only 24 more days. Happy New Year once again and God Bless.

Peace & Love

S

-Please don't pick this apart and talk about it. It's not that interestng.