Love is the One Wild Card

More than I should, I do something very wrong in my life. I take things for granted. That's really hard to admit because although I do admit my faults to my readers because I believe we all need to learn it and hear it from somewhere, it's hard to come to terms when you realize something like this about yourself. This is the 1st time I have taken for granted being with my family, and really just being alive for a while now because it wasn't too long ago when staying alive didn't look to promising. I now wake up everyday, say the serenity prayer, smile, and get out of bed. I also thank God for getting me through another night and than I begin my day. I have to live differently now...strict meal plan, no alcohol, therapy, doctors, and blood work are a part of my normal vocabulary. Now being as healthy and wonderful feeling as I am most of the time, I have LEARNED to think very positively. Not something I was used to. I was a highly negative person but I was not even in the right state of mind so I hope everyone can forgive me for those years.

There is one thing though that I never let go of through all these years, even when I was in a crippling depression, and it was to chase my dreams. Without dreams what do you really have? A lot of people give up, say they couldn't do it, or took an easier route out. But then there are the dreamers that no matter what I'm going to get my fucking dream and I don't care how hard I have to fight. Maybe it's the crazy people that do this, maybe it's just a very strong willed person, maybe it's the person next door to you that draws everyday and keeps it a secret but to them they are living their dream and actually preparing for an art show coming up. We have no idea why people do things and no idea why people keep doing things after they continuously fail. I unfortunately am a dreamer.

Actually let me say that again, I'm proud to be a dreamer. And I have been rejected a million times. But I didn't stop. I've had the same dream since I was little and it's always stuck to me and there will be hell if I if do not reach it. Pure hell! Are any of you guys like that. Like you love something soo much that you can't imagine your life without it? Did you give up on it at one point? I did. I wanted to just go kick it at a normal college and be a kid. I am soo happy with that decision I made and although I may be in a wholeeeee different place in my life right now, I wouldn't have met the people who made me who I am today. See how things all fall correctly? I met the people that have been with me through thick and thin by making a choice to go to a football school, train minimally, and just have fun. And that's when I literally Thank God every evening for placing these beautiful souls in front of me. They have saved my life a thousand times over and continue to do so even if they don't know it. Now they are my heart. And it makes me even more fearless to know that I have people there to celebrate with if I get a gig or cry with when I just wasn't right for whatever the reason.


Then comes "but if I only had this and I could only do that" well people you gotta work with what you have and a lot of successful people started out with absolutely NOTHING. Just a skip, hop, some hope, and a dream. Crazy but true. Now that I have moved to L.A. I REALLY see what people do when they are trying to make it. My ex roomie is an out of work Actor that graduated from Julliad that can barely make rent, works at a pizza parlor for minimum wage and often says he's ready to give it up. But does he? Hell no! He's in it to win it and that's why I love him soo much. Faith takes a large part in this also. You have to have that faith, and the belief that you are the best for this job/gig/commercial/whatever you may be shooting for because without that your not getting the job. Also, if you believe in God, let me tell you, he can help you with anything, even things you never thought you could do. And the more you fail, to me anyways, the stronger you get.

You must be Fearless. And most importantly, don't take a thing for granted. We have very short lives. Weeks, months, and years fly by. Love more than you thought you could ever love, do what you want to do-not what others want you to do so they can fulfill their dream within you, smile at a constant, wake up next to your lover and be thankful you met such a wonderful person who makes you just light up inside, GIVE GIVE GIVE, don't let the days fly by until you can write "TGIF" on your fb status, if you are unhappy then leave, there are other opportunities out there and little signs that will lead you to where you should be, travel, live in as many places as you want, be spontaneous, if you fail try again, and most importantly...love yourself. You are beautiful so let the world see how bright you can shine!!!


"To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."
-Taylor Swift



Thank you guys for letting me pursue one of my own dreams which is just writing this little blog. I love to write and I love writing for you.
Peace, Love, & Fearless
S

Can You Help Me Occupy My Brain? Ohh Yeah!

The other day I woke up and decided to start being a human being again. I had breakfast lunch and dinner, answered mostly all of my calls(if you called me this week and I didn't get back to there is a huge explanation), tissue papered most cloths and and I even took a shower(looking at my hair alone you could tell I was on a bad run!) Sorry about leaving for a while but as i stated before I do run into seasonal depression and well Pittsburgh has not been over around 25 degrees for weeks. Actually on the news tonight, the weather man actually said it was going to warm up for the football game. All the way to 16 degrees!!! Anyways I'm out in a little so I'm feeling better about everything.

Tonight the Steelers(my hometown team) won the championship title and are gong to the Superbowl.........again. I'm happy though cause I know Doody's real pumped and since she didn't have a voice tonight due to the flu, I dedicated myself to the game and screamed for her. It was kind of fun! This is my only problem with the Steelers going to the Superbowl this year. Any other year I think it's awesome but our QB did some terrible things and for some reason, in Gods plans, is having him go to his 3rd Superbowl. If it were me, I believe Ben should have been fired. I've seen him a few times at clubs and his actions were gross and rude. That's not something I'm pondering on though because if you get really drunk everyone actions get wild. But as I write this 2 of my loved ones are wishing for hope, freedom, and be able to fight their disease. These 2 people are REALLY amazing beautiful souls and everything seems to happen to them. So what I am trying ask is-Why do all the bad things happen to good people and the bad people are breezing through life?

Wow I'm truly sorry. Fuck i didn't even do my Golden Globe dresses yes or say how delish Johnny looked! Black Swan.....I never did my piece on Black Swan! (I hope you all have seen it by now but if not don't read that blog). Or gosh just anything! I'm moving this week so writing will be a good distraction from packing. Hope you all are well!!!

I'll leave you know with photos of my STUNNING Armani Underwear Ads Rafael Nadel is doing!!!! Also don't for get abut the Australian open this week.....Vamos Rafa

Peace & Love

S

RIP Andrea-Your in a much better place now free of the pain that is killing us all. You are missed greatly.

And You Flashback to When He Said....Forever & Always

Kiera

I'm taking a break from fuctionig right now and am sitting here waiting for my laundry to be done. I have to leave here at 7am and I have, as of right now, 3 pairs of shoes in my suitcase. And I don't know whats worse.....the fact that all I have packed are 3 pairs of shoes for a 3 day trip or that I was so freaked by the fact that my shoes might get crushed that I wrapped all of them in tissue and shoe bags......and my super hot shoes are actually still in their box; In there box in my suitcase!!! I have a shoes box taking up almost half of my suitcase. It's something only a crazy person would do. I guess I am crazy haha. I want to go to bed sooo bad. I sure did kick that horrible 3 month stint of insomnia at the wrong time. I quit coffee a while back. Maybe I'll try that? Moving on. Next topic.

I don't know if you remember this but about 2 months ago I wrote on the facebook wall for 'And Who Are You Again' that I really truly missed Kanye. I know he kicked Taylor off that stage and said Beyonce should have won but that's whats so great about him. I love my T Swizzle but shit happens. See I watched him sing 'through the wire' in 2003 at my old stomping grounds WVU for our back to school 1st day get wasted and watch a bunch of awesome bands and make out with the people you left in May. Yeah that's pretty much it. I wonder who I made out with that night? We had all our friends over to our apt which was downtown but at the ENDDDD of high street. Behind us(meaning our door faced the back) rested a beautiful Dollar Store(morgantown loves the dollar stores) and a huge parking lot. On that night Kanyes bus was sitting right off our porch. So literally all 20 of us drunken smoothed talked our way onto the bus. The driver was cool. Even left us unattended. We took everything. From clothing down to remotes for the bus tv. All the things, I feel like, were drunkenly lost or left on the concert grass, or at a bar. Fun times. Do you all miss Kanye as well? You have to admit, he is a genuine talented mofo. Did anybody else sweat Heartbreak and 808's album like me. That was just pure genius.
Won't take anymore time on this subject but I'll admit it. I love Kanye West and he is definitely near the top of my favorite INSANE people list as well.

Now a true crazy that everyone knows I love, Ms Taylor Momsen(gg's little jenny). She stated that "I don't want to be a role model because I'm fucking crazy." In my opinion that's how it should be done. I say that same phrase when any child/adolescent starts to look up to me. Go buy her bands album-The Pretty Reckless. Shes kicks ass all the way down to the 14 eyeliner pencils she goes through daily. If Britney would have just said this when she started out just think she could have definitely got off with her CRAZY without it being such an alarm. (I knew Brit had the crazy brain. She is way to cool to not have. Even though she needs a stylist asap.) And props to you Taylor(of well britney you're the queen of this but in a more pink girly way,) for the wardrobe.Nothing beats fishnets, garter belts, and lingerie. I think that's actually what one of my very 1st blogs was about. How all of my huge collection of lingerie, sexy tights, thigh highs, HOT underwear and bras, and everything else under the sun.....I just could not live without.

Lady Gaga received 12 or something VMA noms. Ugh yeahhh. Well don't get me wrong, she is extremely gifted and talented and her second album was one of my favorites ever, BUT do you think shes taking the whole wierd factor too far? The comment in Vanity Fair "I am celibate. I do not want to sleep with anyone because I do not want someone stealing my creativity through my vagina.", was just too over the top tacky for me. The Alejandro video for example. This was and still is a VERY outstanding piece but the video was sooo out there that it turned me off. She wants to be different right??? Then don't dress in nude panties and bra and literally look like you are fucking all these Russian men on different beds. I mean PLEASEEE Britney beat you on that 10 years ago. Did you not see her performance of Breathe on Me? Way hot! What I am trying to say is that I get it, I'm a freak, I went to school with a bunch of freaks, it's fun to be different and have massive amounts of creativity be your talent. But with that you don't need to repeat yourself for two years now that you're a freak! Fine, whatever. She is trying to classify herself when if we could have just gotten to know her on our own through her music I'm sure we would have figured out that through her lyrics and lovely voice. I still love you but just tone it down a bit.

Okay have to start doing something! I'll go put on my Relapse Album. That should keep me awake for an hour hopefully. p.s. if this doesn't even make sense it's because i'm beyond exhausted.

Peace & Love,
S

I think I'll try...Defying gravity...And you can't pull me down

Hello my darling fans! I am home from NYC and have lots to tell you. Just to begin, 1st off, no I did not make season 7 of SYTYCD. I was cut after the 4th round but it was a delightful experience that I will go into later.

Sunday afternoon I dropped my baggage off and walked straight to Radio City where Lady Gaga was to perform later on that night. Just as I suspected, there were a good handful of scalpers. I had planned this little event in my head since I knew she would be there while I was and being a huge fan and loving the theatrical feel she gives to her performances I just knew I couldn't miss this. So I'm standing there in the doorway of the subway entrance with my guy and I got him down to $100 for a pretty good seat from what I could tell. And then out of no where I grew up a little. I gave him the ticket back and said I'm sorry sir but I just can't. And in a good old NYC way the guy told me to "fuck off you little bitch don't come around here wasting my time bitch" as I walked away. Now see when I auditioned for a little show called American Idol back in it's prime, I was 21. I made it to the top 100 in NYC and the final round I sang for Simon, Paula, and Randy. But you see I had made really good friends with two guys that worked for MTV and it was the week of the VMA's. My final aud. was on Friday but I was invited and given a ticked to go with my two new friends to Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera's VMA after party at the Roseland. Now at 21, this was wayyyy more important than my career obviously. So I went, mingled with a ton of awesome musicians and sent myself home at 3am. Slept for a couple hours and went to the Waldof Astoria and was not in prime condition. Did I make it to Hollywood......no. If I would have stayed in and rehearsed......yes I very well may have. Point in case here is that I decided to get a good nights sleep this time around for this open call.

Monday was HORRIBLE! I stood in the freezing cold rain, drenched to the bone for a good 3 hours, got in the theatre around 9:30/10, and didn't go on until 7pm!!!! Talk about tired!!! I think the whole production team had gone to Gaga the night before because Bad Romance was on repeat for us to improv to. I did great through and got sent through to the next round. Tuesday same shit different producers. Danced from 8 to around 4, did all the cheesy interviews they make you do, and got cut on the 4th round. I was told my contemporary wasn't strong enough and to work on it and come back later this year or next. It was a really fun audition and cool cause we got to watch everyone. Amazing male dancers!!!! Amazing! I was not disappointed but for maybe 5 minutes then was over it. Like I had stated before I had left......I don't want to have to do a reality show but I want a job out of it. And I still have tons of faith I'll get a great dancing job that I'll love. So practice, practice, practice! BTW everyone fails and it's those who keep going back and trying again are those who succeed. Never give up people <3.

Tuesday night I went to see Wicked. LOVED it! Definitely in my top 5!!! I can't get it out of my head! What's you're favorite musical? I'm still dying to see Lion King. I'm going to see "In the Heights" next week here in pgh. Soo excited!

After Wicked it was like almost 11 I think and I was in such a good mood so I decided to go get a glass of champagne at my old place of employment, Hotel Gansevoort. So I'm sitting at the bar drinking and I was like getting drunk(prob cause I totally forgot to eat that day and I was running on no sleep.) I looked around and who did I see, only a cast member from my favorite show Glee, Chris Colfer aka Kurt!!! So I said f it and went and said hi and sat down. We had an absolute blast. It was just me, Chris, and his agent. Then we moved from the rooftop to another bar in the hotel. And the rest is blurry hahaha. I was doing Britney Spears dances for them of course.

Then it was time to go home. Eww! I hoped on the subway and went to Chinatown before I left to pick up some fake good. I totally scored big time! And bought a couple gifts for my darling girlfriends and cousins. And well that's that kids. I peaced out and went to the airport. I really miss NYC and living there. It's just soo fun and energetic to walk outside at midnight and the streets are packed and the lights are bright and you feel like you can do anything. I'm sure everyone feels the same when they go there or have lived there. I'm not looking to move back though. I am looking into moving to LA for Pilot season maybe??? We'll see!

Alright there......longgggg blog hahahaha! Always keep dreaming and never give up! You only live once so do what makes you happy! No matter what it may be!

Peace & Love

S

If you have any further questions about auditions, resumes, headshots, and so on just write me and I will help you out as much as I can.

Come Feel This Magic I've Been Feeling Since I Met You

Hopefully this will get my current obsession out of the way but for the past week all I can do is listen, read, and find out everything I can about Taylor Swift! Now I don't know if I posted my obsession blog on this or if it's in my notes but I go through obsession phases quite often with musicians, other artists, and topics that capture my attention. This is why I spend a lot of time at the library!!! Well this week it was Taylor and let me tell you that I do believe everyone needs to take the time and listen to Fearless because Taylor is such a beautiful and truthful songwriter that you can actually picture yourself in every situation. This Album is based around boys, aka my favorite topic. I have no idea when this came out but I really wanted to go to a concert last week so I chose Taylor's and stole my mothers copy of the CD. At 1st I just listened to "You Belong With Me" over and over but soon I drifted onto other songs. I can't even pick a favorite because I seriously, and probably most of you as well, have been in these situations. Now it get off the topic of her album(which you must purchase!), I will tell you a few secrets I found out about Taylor.

1. Her idol is Britney Spears. Now if that doesn't say much I don't know what does. She gets an A+ in my book for that because Britney is also my idol!

2. Even though she's been dumped and broken hearted many times she still holds no angst against guys and believes in love. In my last post you will notice I wrote an almost similar statement about how in love I am with love, soulmates, and fairytales. And I've been burnt a lot.

3. My friend Shelly got to go onto her tour bus and meet her! She said she was sooo nice and sooo beautiful in person! And Shelly meeting her idol just made my heart smile for her these past few days. I'm just soo happy.

4. She loves what she does and she worked her ass off to get where she is. Writing all her own songs, and having her guitar by her side at all times. Believe it or not she has been singing, writing , and playing the guitar since age 8.

5. She admits to doing the best stalker move ever. We all do it from crushes to ex's........the classic drive by!!! My best friend and I did these at least once a day. We would borrow our friends cars and think we in disguise hahaha!

6. And best of all......She LOVES being a role model to her fans! You don't find that anymore so often. She stated that it is one of the most important things in her career. She's just a sweet little angel so who wouldn't love to follow in her footsteps?

To finalize this post here is a quote from Taylor about being Fearless and it's beautiful: Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again...even though every time you've tried before you've lost. It's Fearless to have faith someday that things will change.

Please listen to White Horse and Hey Stephen if you choose to download them. These are my current two favs! And please check out the great photos that I added to my album of her tour bus, T with her fans, and her wonderful concert!

Peace and Love

S