More than I should, I do something very wrong in my life. I take things for granted. That's really hard to admit because although I do admit my faults to my readers because I believe we all need to learn it and hear it from somewhere, it's hard to come to terms when you realize something like this about yourself. This is the 1st time I have taken for granted being with my family, and really just being alive for a while now because it wasn't too long ago when staying alive didn't look to promising. I now wake up everyday, say the serenity prayer, smile, and get out of bed. I also thank God for getting me through another night and than I begin my day. I have to live differently now...strict meal plan, no alcohol, therapy, doctors, and blood work are a part of my normal vocabulary. Now being as healthy and wonderful feeling as I am most of the time, I have LEARNED to think very positively. Not something I was used to. I was a highly negative person but I was not even in the right state of mind so I hope everyone can forgive me for those years.There is one thing though that I never let go of through all these years, even when I was in a crippling depression, and it was to chase my dreams. Without dreams what do you really have? A lot of people give up, say they couldn't do it, or took an easier route out. But then there are the dreamers that no matter what I'm going to get my fucking dream and I don't care how hard I have to fight. Maybe it's the crazy people that do this, maybe it's just a very strong willed person, maybe it's the person next door to you that draws everyday and keeps it a secret but to them they are living their dream and actually preparing for an art show coming up. We have no idea why people do things and no idea why people keep doing things after they continuously fail. I unfortunately am a dreamer.
Actually let me say that again, I'm proud to be a dreamer. And I have been rejected a million times. But I didn't stop. I've had the same dream since I was little and it's always stuck to me and there will be hell if I if do not reach it. Pure hell! Are any of you guys like that. Like you love something soo much that you can't imagine your life without it? Did you give up on it at one point? I did. I wanted to just go kick it at a normal college and be a kid. I am soo happy with that decision I made and although I may be in a wholeeeee different place in my life right now, I wouldn't have met the people who made me who I am today. See how things all fall correctly? I met the people that have been with me through thick and thin by making a choice to go to a football school, train minimally, and just have fun. And that's when I literally Thank God every evening for placing these beautiful souls in front of me. They have saved my life a thousand times over and continue to do so even if they don't know it. Now they are my heart. And it makes me even more fearless to know that I have people there to celebrate with if I get a gig or cry with when I just wasn't right for whatever the reason.
Then comes "but if I only had this and I could only do that" well people you gotta work with what you have and a lot of successful people started out with absolutely NOTHING. Just a skip, hop, some hope, and a dream. Crazy but true. Now that I have moved to L.A. I REALLY see what people do when they are trying to make it. My ex roomie is an out of work Actor that graduated from Julliad that can barely make rent, works at a pizza parlor for minimum wage and often says he's ready to give it up. But does he? Hell no! He's in it to win it and that's why I love him soo much. Faith takes a large part in this also. You have to have that faith, and the belief that you are the best for this job/gig/commercial/whatever you may be shooting for because without that your not getting the job. Also, if you believe in God, let me tell you, he can help you with anything, even things you never thought you could do. And the more you fail, to me anyways, the stronger you get.
You must be Fearless. And most importantly, don't take a thing for granted. We have very short lives. Weeks, months, and years fly by. Love more than you thought you could ever love, do what you want to do-not what others want you to do so they can fulfill their dream within you, smile at a constant, wake up next to your lover and be thankful you met such a wonderful person who makes you just light up inside, GIVE GIVE GIVE, don't let the days fly by until you can write "TGIF" on your fb status, if you are unhappy then leave, there are other opportunities out there and little signs that will lead you to where you should be, travel, live in as many places as you want, be spontaneous, if you fail try again, and most importantly...love yourself. You are beautiful so let the world see how bright you can shine!!!
"To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."
-Taylor Swift
Thank you guys for letting me pursue one of my own dreams which is just writing this little blog. I love to write and I love writing for you.
Peace, Love, & Fearless
S
No comments:
Post a Comment