Love is the One Wild Card

More than I should, I do something very wrong in my life. I take things for granted. That's really hard to admit because although I do admit my faults to my readers because I believe we all need to learn it and hear it from somewhere, it's hard to come to terms when you realize something like this about yourself. This is the 1st time I have taken for granted being with my family, and really just being alive for a while now because it wasn't too long ago when staying alive didn't look to promising. I now wake up everyday, say the serenity prayer, smile, and get out of bed. I also thank God for getting me through another night and than I begin my day. I have to live differently now...strict meal plan, no alcohol, therapy, doctors, and blood work are a part of my normal vocabulary. Now being as healthy and wonderful feeling as I am most of the time, I have LEARNED to think very positively. Not something I was used to. I was a highly negative person but I was not even in the right state of mind so I hope everyone can forgive me for those years.

There is one thing though that I never let go of through all these years, even when I was in a crippling depression, and it was to chase my dreams. Without dreams what do you really have? A lot of people give up, say they couldn't do it, or took an easier route out. But then there are the dreamers that no matter what I'm going to get my fucking dream and I don't care how hard I have to fight. Maybe it's the crazy people that do this, maybe it's just a very strong willed person, maybe it's the person next door to you that draws everyday and keeps it a secret but to them they are living their dream and actually preparing for an art show coming up. We have no idea why people do things and no idea why people keep doing things after they continuously fail. I unfortunately am a dreamer.

Actually let me say that again, I'm proud to be a dreamer. And I have been rejected a million times. But I didn't stop. I've had the same dream since I was little and it's always stuck to me and there will be hell if I if do not reach it. Pure hell! Are any of you guys like that. Like you love something soo much that you can't imagine your life without it? Did you give up on it at one point? I did. I wanted to just go kick it at a normal college and be a kid. I am soo happy with that decision I made and although I may be in a wholeeeee different place in my life right now, I wouldn't have met the people who made me who I am today. See how things all fall correctly? I met the people that have been with me through thick and thin by making a choice to go to a football school, train minimally, and just have fun. And that's when I literally Thank God every evening for placing these beautiful souls in front of me. They have saved my life a thousand times over and continue to do so even if they don't know it. Now they are my heart. And it makes me even more fearless to know that I have people there to celebrate with if I get a gig or cry with when I just wasn't right for whatever the reason.


Then comes "but if I only had this and I could only do that" well people you gotta work with what you have and a lot of successful people started out with absolutely NOTHING. Just a skip, hop, some hope, and a dream. Crazy but true. Now that I have moved to L.A. I REALLY see what people do when they are trying to make it. My ex roomie is an out of work Actor that graduated from Julliad that can barely make rent, works at a pizza parlor for minimum wage and often says he's ready to give it up. But does he? Hell no! He's in it to win it and that's why I love him soo much. Faith takes a large part in this also. You have to have that faith, and the belief that you are the best for this job/gig/commercial/whatever you may be shooting for because without that your not getting the job. Also, if you believe in God, let me tell you, he can help you with anything, even things you never thought you could do. And the more you fail, to me anyways, the stronger you get.

You must be Fearless. And most importantly, don't take a thing for granted. We have very short lives. Weeks, months, and years fly by. Love more than you thought you could ever love, do what you want to do-not what others want you to do so they can fulfill their dream within you, smile at a constant, wake up next to your lover and be thankful you met such a wonderful person who makes you just light up inside, GIVE GIVE GIVE, don't let the days fly by until you can write "TGIF" on your fb status, if you are unhappy then leave, there are other opportunities out there and little signs that will lead you to where you should be, travel, live in as many places as you want, be spontaneous, if you fail try again, and most importantly...love yourself. You are beautiful so let the world see how bright you can shine!!!


"To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."
-Taylor Swift



Thank you guys for letting me pursue one of my own dreams which is just writing this little blog. I love to write and I love writing for you.
Peace, Love, & Fearless
S

Beautiful

I cannot stop watching the two previous video post I placed in the blog below. I kind of started ignoring Lady Gaga as a person and what she had to say because at one point I do believe she was just talking nonsense and being too provocative for her young fans but that's not it at all. She's being true to us. Not leaving out a word of what she feels and goes through, excitement and scares. I think she is absolutely insane and in my eyes being absolutely insane is being absolutely genius. I've never met a person that was insane that wasn't genius because something in there life fell and they had to crawl back up and get it. The strongest people. She faked it till she made it and now that she did make it she still can't believe it. Even when you watch Laurieann Gibson on her Boomkack dance show on E! you will see how when she speaks about Lady Gaga(who she is personal choreographer to lady gaga and the Haus of Gaga), her eyes widen and she knows shes talking about someone who gave everything they had to get where they are.





I can't stop watching these "behind the scenes HBO specials" for the Monster Ball and not on a single one, did I not cry. She is soo true and real to herself and to her fans it's just unbelievably touching. She gives me soo much hope, power, enrichment, and spirituality. I do believe the creative souls are closest to God. There is something about the stage that if you don't have God watching it's really not possible. This is about that thing. that thing that you feel in your soul when the lights dim, the the crowd roars, and you're not you anymore. You become this things that disappears and comes back at the end to take your bow. You're superhuman. I know that is the feeling shes talking about because nothing brings you such emotions. Please watch all of these little segments. there are more on youtube if you look under Monster Ball HBO. I don't know if it is because I know how your soul takes over or I can just feel the truth and the ambition in her words, but I believe this is something everyone should get a chance to feel. GO AFTER YOUR DREAMS. SUCK IT UP AND DO IT. NO FEAR.



ihaveyourbackandyouhavemine

P&L

S

You Got the Power to Let Power Go...

**It hurts but I never show, this pain you'll never know
If only you could see just how lonely and how cold
And frostbit I've become, my backs against the wall
When push come to shove I just stand up and scream 'Fuck them all'** -drop the world

2011 Must Haves

10. Eat, Drink, and Be Merry. There is way to much pressure to be thin, not eat good fried food, not drink alcoholic beverages, not go to happy hour with friends but rather go to the fucking gym. This is BULLSHIT! Do whatever you want. Life is short. ENJOY it. If you don't want to go to the gym then don't. If you want that McDonalds Big Mac then have it. Being thin, eating lettuce, and living at the gym 6 hours a day does NOT = Happiness!!!

9. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. We all get stuck in such a scheduled boring life that most of us forget to live a little or live at all. Go out and date someone who is the opposite of your usual. Dye your 6 different colors in a year(I don this all the time). Be mysterious. And never be that person that other people can automatically know your entire schedule of what you will be doing all week. Wake up, Work, Gym, Shower, and 2 hours of Television will KILL YOU. Leave it while you can.

8. Change your Career. There is nothing worse then being stuck doing something we do not like or ever imagined doing. Go back to when you used to have big dreams for yourself. If you have to, go all the way back to when you were a child. As crazy as this may sound, most of us know what we want to do from a very young age. Those of us doing something about it......maybe 1%. Don't be in that 99%. Look around at all the opportunities available and start making it happen. Don't be scared to leave your job. The only thing that is scarier is staying at your job unhappy.

7. Get Involved in a Charity That You believe In. There is literally nothing better than giving back. I don't even mean money wise. Even though being able to donate a couple thousand is a great stride, doing work for the charity and getting involved with those who it is for is even better. I have always wanted to work for Make-A-Wish. Although I tried numerous times to get a job with Make-A-Wish(the Pittsburgh/WV chapter), I never actually just volunteered for the cause. can you imagine the joy that will be brought to you and the young terminally ill child when you get to tell them that their wish has been granted? It must be one of the greatest highs you can get. Just remember whatever you do-Giving is always more rewarding than getting.

6. Be Spontaneous. This gets harder to do the older we get. I've noticed I'm not even that spontaneous anymore when I used to live by the words of Jonathan Larson "No Day But Today". It's never to let to get it back though. We do only have 1 day. No one knows what will occur tomorrow. And REALLY no one knows whats going to happen in the future. Sitting in your safe zone and going through the motions everyday, isn't living! Go and do the tings you really want to do. before you know it you'll be 50 years old with no great memories to tell your children. Nothing is worse than being boring.

5. Let Go of Your Heart. Don't ever hold back when it comes to love. Love fully and give your all. Yes, we all get nervous to let ourselves go sometimes when it comes to falling head first into love but it's just something you have to do. Don't be scared and if you get hurt, you get hurt. My heart has been broken a lot but you know what? I wouldn't change a damn thing about it. To love someone is the best feeling in the world. Being loved and cared about back is the other best feeling on earth. Live in the moment and say "I love you". As the old saying goes "It is better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all". Always remember this!

4. Be You. Why are we always trying to change for others? Why do we feel like we need others approval to belong? Society and the media built these rules about if we look this way, act that way, and follow these guidelines that life will just be that much sweeter. While in all reality it's actually making your life that much more sour. What happened to just being happy with just who we are? I refuse to give in to what is "supposed" to be. I am what I am and I won't and don't ever want to change that. I love myself for who I am and I hope you all do to. There is no time to try to impress others just to "fit in" when you are really just fabulous the way you are. Never change for anyone!

3. Have Fun. With everything so uptight these days(ex; not being aloud to have a fucking cheeseburger and coke when you want to because you're scared of getting fat), we all need to loosen up these days. Have fun in all spectrum's of your life. Love like crazy, stay up all night dancing the night away with your girlfriends, laugh soo hard that you cry, and always remember "no one makes the rules but you!" I think we have all in a way forgot about fun. We are soo absorbed in money, materialistic things, and beating out on our peers on who can have the most 1st, that we lost the fact that when old and reflecting; a Benz, how many pairs of Christian Louboutin's you have, and the size of your house, are not going to even come to mind. What does come to mind is the time and the fun you had with family and friends and the many many memories happy memories you have.

2. Lose Yourself. Put your all into what your are doing and have the crazy kind of passion that you usually only read about. Throw yourself into your dreams. 100% or nothing. Make it yours. You can do whatever you want but in order to do that and fulfill what you desire you have to "Lose Yourself" in the process. In a matter of times you'll slowly forget about the way you used to do things. You sometimes only get one shot so use the passion and love you have to get what or whom you want. Never hold back!

1. Best Friends. Over the past year and a half I have had this blog I ALWAYS, every month, make sure that at the top of the "Must Haves" list that Best Friends is always number one. I don't know about you guys but my best friends are my saviors, my life, my passion, my fun, my spontaneity, and my loves. Without my everyday talks with the people most important in my life, I don't know how I'd survive. I've always been extremely lucky and had many friends but it's those ones that are like family and can finish your sentences that are the best. I love my family and friends more than I love myself. And i don't even care if that's incorrect behavior because to me, without them, there would be no me. Love, help, cry, laugh, and sing at the top of your lungs with them! Friendships are sooo magical. They are your angels on earth. Be there for the good and the bad. Never judge them EVER! You are very blessed to have these people in your life! I love you to all of my angels. Thank you, thank you!

Peace & Love

S

I Don't Sleep, I Dream

When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep-And your never really awake.

FIGHT CLUB

So the cold air is all around and warm sun seems just so far away(well I only have a month until I can see the sun everyday thank goodness). But what do we do when these times come along? Go to bed at 6pm because It's pitch dark out and it seems like the right thing to do? Sit and stare at walls while listening to your own downer mix(if you don't have a downer mix let me know and I'll get one right out to you. I rock at mixes!), or the worst.........your therapists gives you a fucking sunlamp that you are to sit in front of for 30 minutes twice a day so you can fake you find into thinking your in the tropics. That lamp went flying out my window within two days. We may have issues with seasonal depression and insomnia but that sure as hell doesn't make us dumb enough to believe a light is going to make everything all chipper cheery!!! Now I've been through this before. Actually starting in High School(but I tend to think that not sleeping for a night was either I had a big day ahead of me excitement wise......ohh you know, sitting and talking to the boy you like, big pep rally, high school musical or any play performance. Now those are exciting things to stay up about and your 17 so who the hell cares. The world is yours to take. I could give a f about sleep. Now if I don't get sleep you would think something drastic had occurred because I alert the media and cry like a baby about it. Maybe it's just cause I've lived with this for soo long that I no longer believe any stupid drug can fix this problem. It's just you gotta let it ride out. Surprisingly you can get much accomplished during a night that you sleep and dreams have disappeared. Here is my absolute favorite quote about insomnia:

It's at night when perhaps we should be dreaming, that the mind is most clear, that we are most able to hold all our life in the palm of our skull. I don't know if anyone has ever pointed out that great attraction of insomnia before, but it is so; the night seems to release a little more of out vast backward inheritance of instincts and feelings; as with the dawn, a little honey is allowed to ooze between the lips of a sandwich, a little of the stuff of dreams to drip into the walking mind. I wish I believed, as J.B. Priestley did, that consciousness continues after disembodiment or death, not forever, but for a long time. Perhaps that's why some of us insomniacs; night is soo precious that it would be pusillanimous to sleep all through it! A "bad night" is not always a bad thing. -Brian W. Aldiss

Those are very much my thought exactly. Although I may often complain and only sleep here and there when I can-I do believe the creative mind evoloves in the time. I don't know if it's the darkness, the loneliness, and the feeling that even though you're not asleep.......you're dreams are still talking to you and giving you idea that you would have never thought of if you hadn't had that "bad night". I learn so much at night because your true true interests that you fascinate about come out. Where would by eight gorgeous poem books be if I would have never not been able to sleep and began to write? Or the choreography that just comes to you while exhausted. These grande ideas are what keeps us afloat and maybe some of us have a pinch of insomniac in us to let our minds be free with us, for us to discover out next dream.

So as I have been in bitch mode, I will tell you a little secret. I discovered a lot over the past two weeks while unable to rest and have a lot of new work I wish to use and hopefully others will use as well.

As for any advise I could give you all that are and have struggled just like myself. Well to tell you the truth I have pretty much worn out my welcome on all sleeping meds. My psychiatrist and i were going through a list today and I was like "hated it, didn't work, made my mouth taste funny, I'd have to take like 20 of those to do anything" I've given them all a chance. But when you REALLY can't sleep there is NO cure. No amount of whatever is going to do it. Ex: my gorgeous Heith and my Pop King MJ, all the way to Eminem who thankfully was saved after 5-6 years of sedative abuse(main problem being Ambien). I did the sleep concoction drug route, I did the sober route, I did the drinking a bottle of wine route. None work so my advise to you all is use these extra 8 hours to discover new dreams, new fantasy's, and try things you never though you could before. It will all be worth it and in 3 weeks to 3 months you'll be sound asleep again....

Peace&Insomnia

S

Meet Me in the Pouring Rain

So now that we have 1,000+ fans(ahhh thank you thank you thank you!!!), I think it's important that you know a bit about me and where I am coming from to get the full effect of "And Who Are You Again?" You know for those important questions you may have lingering in the back of your head like "Why the hell is this page called, And Who Are You Again?" Well it's titled that because when I was naming the blog it was the 1st thing that came to mind when I think about people. I cannot remember for the life of me peoples names or faces!!! It's a horrible trait and I wish I could change it but I've always been this way. I am working on it and especially with you wonderful fans that write me. I do always remember your names <3.

I'm a plain and simple girl who has always had enormous dreams and hope in life. I figure if you do not have dreams that life would just be soo boring. Even if your dream is to just be happy and have a family one day.........then I admire you very much so. I wish that mine could be that simple but I've always had huge crazy ambitious ones, but if you work hard enough ANYTHING can happen! Always keep your dreams alive! It's key. I'm a hopeless romantic. I am in love with love. I do believe in soulmates and finding that one that you literally cannot live without. I often catch myself daydreaming about fairytales, prince charmings, and those wonderful butterflies you have when you are in love. Love is CRAZY, just absolutely nuts! Why do you think they call is "falling in love"? I live for this(and my dreams). I've had to realize not all people are good people. This is something that I never wanted to see in anyone but this year I've learned that you cannot trust and love everyone, no matter how much you want to. Some people are just out there to pull you down and it's very unfortunate. You have to be strong and always remember that if someone is speaking poorly upon you, makes up rumors, or is just plain mean that it all just stems from jealousy and envy. If you've ever noticed.......no one speaks about someone else unless they have low self esteem or you have something they want. Don't ever lower yourself to talk about your haters. Keep your head up and never come down from the level you've worked so hard to be on. I sound like Rev. Run haha. He does always have the best hater tweets.

I have some very serious disorders that I am very open about talking about them to help other people and to just sometimes vent. Eminem does this best, but I try.You'll often see posts about depression, anxiety/panic, and addiction. I am obviously NOT shy about this and pride on being so open because I really like to help people that are suffering in silence to always message me and/or go seek help. Asking for help is the furthest thing from weakness. Asking for help means you have taken the steps in wanted to get better. It takes a very STRONG person to do this.

Music plays a HUGE part in my everyday life. It's one of the other things I live for. Music can change your moods, make you believe in something you thought you never would, see the many different moods and colors of life, and take you out of reality and into a world of make believe just when you need to escape. I love it all. I find every single artist fascinating with all these beautiful stories to tell. I also write a lot and would love to one day work as a songwriter. I think it's soo freeing to be able to get everything you want to say out on an album. Rock, Pop, Hip Hop, Country, all of it I believe is amazing. Some of my favorite artists include: radiohead, nirvana, eminem, britney spears, kanye west, the doors, courtney love, joseph arther, dre and snoop, just to name a very very small few. I love love love Taylor Swifts songwriting very much as well. She has this great thing about her that just really, and I know this sounds crazy, but makes you want to be a better person and always respect and love yourself more than you already do.

I give 100% at all times to all of my friends and family for they are the loves of my life. I think it feels so much better to give then to receive. There's just this little magic that you feel after you have donated, volunteered, or just simply make someone smile. You will often see me always buying small gifts for others if I see something I know they would love. I adore fashion and what fashion can do to you. Like often said, "What you wear and how you present yourself is often a silent way to express what you represent." It's a great way express your mood, personality, culture, and well just yourself. This is why I love fashion. I change expressions like everyday!!! hahaha. Organza Tulle is my favorite fabric......along with chiffon, lace, and silk. Ohh and ruffles......I can just wear ruffles for days. Gorgeous!

Performing and Visual Arts are life. Just take a look around you. I will never be a 9-5er but have so much respect for those that can be. Life would be just that much cooler if it were a musical. I mean come on......singing and bursting out into dance sequences can add sooo much beauty to the soul. I often almost and do wreck because I really get into my singing when driving. True story! Obviously you can tell this is what I was raised and trained in. I am madly in love with the arts. Rent is still and might always just be my favorite musical. My favorite song is Nirvana's "Dumb". I know ALL Britney Spears choreography. I'm moving to L.A. in January(I was supposed to leave today(the 28th) actually but of course things never work out on time damnit!) And I think that's it for today. Hope you enjoy my loves!

Peace & Love

S

*Please also note.....I have a huge problem with remembering to proof read. Literally my thoughts come and go so fast that I just write write and write so half my writings are disastorous but you can most of the time decipher it. Spell check??? I try.

So long, Farewell....Auf Weidersehen, Goodbye

This letter is in honor of my favorite causes: Suicide Awareness and Prevention and To Write Love on Her Arms.

On March 6, 2010 it will be exactly one year since I was released from rehab and was given the chance at a better life. Today I chose to set my diseases free and live in peace with my new self.

Dear Depression,

You know you were with me for such a long time, I really never thought I would see the day where I wouldn't have to be aware of you and obey by your rules. For over the past five years I was constantly living in the dark because of you. I hid it well from everyone but you and I both know I barely bothered to try to live from one day to the next. I poisoned you with endless alcohol, bottomless pill addictions, and malnutrition. I couldn't see a way back nor did I care. I fed myself with coffee and cigarettes. Soo anxious at all times, I just couldn't bare to eat. I abused benzodiazepines and pain medication to help me get through the days, and alcohol binges in the evenings. You just kept getting worse. Finally, after numerous trips to the emergency room, I decided I needed to get help or this may be the end. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do and never ever ever want to do it again. And there I was holed up for 2 months. I saw no signs of recovery in the first 6 weeks then suddenly something changed. I felt myself again. I was alive. I went from 83 pounds to 108 pounds. I went from depending on a lot of pills to not even thinking of them. I was on medicine that actually worked for me. And I got to go home and was given a shot at life again.

I don't think what I tell you or how I describe my depression, and addictions can ever put you in my shoes. But I do hope it helps. This past year has been the most amazing year of my life. I wake up in the morning singing, so happy to endure another day. I went back to doing what I was meant to do, which is to dance. This summer I vacationed all around and got to see all of my dearest friends. I had real relationships again with actual nice guys. And all of this I did with a smile. A smile may not seem much to you but when you had forgotten what it felt like to smile, it means the world. I learned how to love myself. Not in the artificial way but really learned to love deep down from my soul. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do and the best thing I ever did at the same time. I'm genuinely happy and am soo thankful for these wonderful little angels God has placed in my life. I had to save myself though and that was the hardest part to understand. I'm so grateful to have my goals, dreams, and aspirations back. I'm me and I love it. Goodbye depression. I know I have a chance of seeing you again and I'm not scared but I am going to fight my hardest to keep you far far away from me.

Sincerely,
Sarah

P.S. HUGE celebration on the 6th!!!!!

Measure Your Life In Love

Just a quick reminder to all......please don't forget to participate in this weekends cause that is very near and dear to my heart. The great cause is called TWLOHA-"to write love on her arms", is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

To Write Love On Her Arms Day is a day where anyone can write the words love on their arms, to support those who are fighting against depression and those who are trying to recovering. On this day, just write love on your arms, and show it off, other people will ask why you have love written on your arms, and you tell them you are supporting to write love on her arms day, and how its benefiting a non profit organization helping stop depression, and make love the movement.

Thank you guys sooo much and please upload your photos up to "And Who Are You Again" and we'll make a special section!

Below is the link and please rsvp attending. It would mean the world to me.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=210328952677

Peace & Love to all......xoxoxoxo

S

Streets Are Uneven When You Are Down

I got on here to write and truthfully I truly don't have a damn thing going on that's super fab right now to talk about. I am still working on the Rolling Stone piece which is awesome but not post ready by any means and well this poor Britney conservatorship needs some tweaking so I am holding out on that until tomorrow. All I'm really worried about is Valentines day. I still have no valentine. I don't like this and it's very unlike me. I am usually always seeing someone. I mean what's going on here? Did I get ugly? Boring? Non-Enticing? I just can't see any of this being true so where the hell are all my bf's!

And did you know it's been 2 1/2 months since I have dated anyone? Yeah. True. Horrible, I know. And you also know what that means....It's been almost 3 months since I've had sex. Maybe that's why I'm in a bitchy mood? I don't like going 3 months by any means! Saturday evening my friends and I went out and Mike and I tried to find a hot short term bf(I'm not looking for anything serious. If you missed that just head back a few blogs and read why.) We found NOTHING! No one of my type. Do you know who just popped into my head of someone I'd like to hook up with right now? Some of you may get offended by this but I just can't help it......Justin Bobby. Yep. Justin Bobby. I'm just feelin' him right now. Gosh that's sad.

I think I'm going to tweet my soulmate and let him know I'll be his valentine this year even though we are separated by a shitload of states but Ty's worth it. He better not have a Valentine yet!

Another thing bugging me out are my creepy dreams I've been having. They're like drug dreams. Ex: My friend Joe and I are in a forest sitting on the end of a huge fountain. We're getting ready to go see "In the Heights" but to twist it up we are the musical basically. I'm am a witch. To be specific I was Galinda from "Wicked" and Joe was Peter Pan. All I remember is that I suddenly got up and began to sing to him, very dramatically of course, grabbed his hand then threw it down and ran into the forest. Now this is the cool part. Joe aka "Peter Pan" turns in the Phantom and sings "Come to me Angel of Music" over and over. We find eachother and sing the great epic love song while we run and skip all around.

This is what happens when you watch too much Glee. Don't do it kids! (hahaha j/k I'm about to go watch a couple episodes again right now. I basically have all dialogue and mash ups memorized. I'm that freaking cool!)

P.S. Courtney Love totally is crushing on Lady Gaga and they both have a thing for Britney so how epic would it be if we could get the 3 of them to perform together. It would be very kick ass!!!

Peace and Love

S

When Your Mind Breaks the Spirit of Your Soul

The Grammy's were on last evening......obviously. I think everyone did a great job!!! Ohh to be nominated for a Grammy??? And then win! Can you even imagine the feeling! It truly must feel very dreamlike. And I'm soo happy Taylor and Lady Gaga accomplished this dream last night. Simply amazing!

The show began with the woman of the year....Miss Gaga. She was there in all of her glory with amazing costumes, and a glorious duet with Elton John. She stated today that that was her favorite performance of all time that she's ever done. Like I've always said about Lady Gaga is that she is a true blue fan to her fans(little monsters). Today she tweeted over and over and over about how much she adored all of us and how she would be nothing without. I think all artists should take note of this. I know every musician values it's fans but Gaga takes it a step further which in my eyes want to be a fan even more. Congratulations pretty girl and btw your red carpet was the most fabulous piece I think that I have ever seen you in. You looked gorgeous and like a fairytale princess. Loved the star! And that's what you are! Andddd moving on....I really did adore everyones performances last night and that is usually very rare. I even loved Beyonce. Well she did sing my favorite song of hers "If I Were a Boy". Now here's when I get made sometimes about Beyonces performances......do you ever feel like every year it's complete deja vu with her. Same choreography, same diva hair swing over and over, but this year she took it one step too far. You do NOT take a song that someone has already well known covered and do it at the Grammy's. You looked very silly doing that. Everyone knows Britney performed a mean version of "You Outta Know" on her tour this summer. There are other boy hating songs that you could have chosen. But that's why I love Britney. No matter what the hell is going on, everyone still copies her every move. Ohh and seriously when Brit was trying to get in the theatre last night and people were screaming and running after her. Totally inappropriate! Leave the girl alone! That's all I can say on Brit at the moment because I have a whole theory I am sharing with you this week on the poor girls situation. So.....moving on! Pink you kick ass but you already did a very similar performance at the VMA's so I wasn't as into it but I adore you and wow the talent! You got it all. Nothing to say about the Black Eyed Peas but I adore you all and think you are all genious'. Can't wait to see you in concert once again! P.S. Fergie, I just think you are such and amazing and strong individual. I look up to you.

Ok so now onto my favorite part of the show. This was when I found out they are making a musical out of "American Idiot"!!!! We all know I'm highly obsessed with musicals and like I always say....."if life were a musical, the sky would be just that much brighter". Soo excited about this and HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to Green Day for this unbelievable achievement! Are guys are adorable and I've loved your music since the good old Dookie days. I actually had your CD on my Must have of November I think haha. It is a must have so if you don't have it get it now!

To sum up the evening I would just like to say congrats to my little favorite person this year. Someone who I listen to every morning. Someone who can always put a smile on my face. Someone who writes cheesy love songs about fairytales and soulmates and everything I believe in.......Miss T. Swizzle! Muah doll!

To all the nominees, winners, performers, and presenters; Thank you for putting on a wonderful show. Hopefully last night music came into many lives and will be changed forever. I know I would be nothing without music so everyone support your local bands, and be an activist for music programs in schools. It's very important to have that growing up.

Peace & Love

S

MONSTER CLAWS TO ALLL

Work it, Bitch!

I'm absolutely thrilled I have a minute to sit down and write. I utterly exhausted from dancing all day but it's good exhaustion. I'm soo happy to be back at doing what I love and what I know. I gave this up for a few years and I was miserable. I didn't give it up because I quit, I gave it up because I was very depressed and couldn't focus on something so important. Well I'm back and better than ever(minus my right développé which isn't quite up to my ear yet so I'm mad but I'll prob sit here all night and make it be!). I'm going to nyc on Sunday for a few days of auditions(aka my vaca from the blog). Super excited! And then I just found a few other things that I want to audition for, if I happen to not get a job next week, in Feb! Dancing is like the best high I can get. We'll actually performing is the best high I think you can ever get. All that energy you have waiting in the wings to go out on stage and then just tearin' it up, its fucking amazing!

So here's what it's all about. What the hell do you want to do? There are soo many amazing things to do with dance besides teaching, which everyone knows I hate but I did do it for 3 years. Just think about NYC, LA, and Vegas alone how many dancers are needed a year. Broadway, off Broadway, Tour back up dancers, Show dancers, Dancers on tv shows, and the list goes on and on. It's crazy!!! And I bet if you looked into it you could find that your passion is out there too but you just have to say "fuck it" and get out there! Life's short. All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them-Disney. I finally feel again as if I were 21 and all I wanted was to drop out of school and go to nyc! There is NO need for me to ever go back to a cube. And if I can do this, you guys can do this too! I promise!!! Last year at this exact time I was probably in DBT class locked up in Cope. Dreams do and can come true. One of mine has already and that was to be happy so I think this next one should be a piece of cake. And no matter what.......NEVER GIVE UP! And don't EVER SETTLE.

Now there is one person who has a dream but I don't really see it happening. Ms. Heidi Montag has recently stated that her dream is to be a pop star. Wow Heidi that's one of my dream to but I know I don't have the vocals. You sing like me......just ok. It's not good enough. And PLEASE never say you want to be like Britney Spears. You will NEVER be like Britney. Britney, for one thing, is all natural. Unlike you who had 15 plastic surgeries and look non human. Secondly Britney Spears is a pop icon and has been since she was 17. And bitch can perform like there is no tomorrow. So just please don't ever say that you could even compete with Brit because you are like cement on the ground compared to her. Ok sorry just had to get that out of my system.

And really though......don't we all grow up and dream of being rock stars. I know I did. I'm not ashamed. It's hands down the best job in the world. Anyone disagree?

So like my other blogs this has turned into a bunch of rambling. I really need to stop following Courtney Love on Twitter. I think that's where I am getting this shit. Anyways go after your dreams no matter what! I got your back!

Peace, Love, & DREAMS

S

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.


It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Keep on, Keeping on

I was watching a random channel last night when a segment on a young high school aged boy came on. One thing was different though, he had lost his sight when he was 10. He seemed like the sweetest most charming young man. Played football, blind, for his high school team and spoke many many words of wisdom that were just beyond his years. His biggest fear is to get his sight back. Most of us sit here and think how awful it would not to have sight but he finds it to be one of his advantages. If you think about it, he may have exactly the right idea. How awful is this world that we live in today? Basically being judged on looks alone, everyone feels they must get plastic surgery to be secure enough to leave the door. It's all very sad. But the worst is the violence and the sadness that hover over us everyday. He imagines the world in all its colorfulness and beauty and leaves no room in his imagination for harm. This is why he doesn't want his sight back......to have to see what we see. It was beautiful the way he put it and I'm very sorry if I am not portraying the story correctly but I'm trying. The last but most important thing he said was "If you have a disability don't use your disability. Instead use it as a leg and run." This really hit me hard because I do sometimes sit and dwell on "what if I didn't have this and gosh my life would be better if everything could just be normal?!"

Of course these are normal thoughts for us with disabilities but we really just need to feel blessed with what God has given us because we were given disabilities for a reason. At first you get so made at God and can't understand why.....why you? What did you do to deserve this? But in all reality, God trusted in us to be able to handle these illnesses and disabilities to be able conquer and become much stronger than others. It took me years to realize this but this young man realized it right away. Whether it be blindness, loss of hearing, diabetes, eating disorders, cancer, manic-depression, or heart disease. The whole goal of everything is to get better and except that you are not normal and once you do......use it as a leg and start running! Never be scared to show your scares and battle wounds, and never stop chasing your dreams.

P.S. I am going to try to find this segment and I will post it. It's truly amazing.

Peace and Love

S