Love is the One Wild Card

More than I should, I do something very wrong in my life. I take things for granted. That's really hard to admit because although I do admit my faults to my readers because I believe we all need to learn it and hear it from somewhere, it's hard to come to terms when you realize something like this about yourself. This is the 1st time I have taken for granted being with my family, and really just being alive for a while now because it wasn't too long ago when staying alive didn't look to promising. I now wake up everyday, say the serenity prayer, smile, and get out of bed. I also thank God for getting me through another night and than I begin my day. I have to live differently now...strict meal plan, no alcohol, therapy, doctors, and blood work are a part of my normal vocabulary. Now being as healthy and wonderful feeling as I am most of the time, I have LEARNED to think very positively. Not something I was used to. I was a highly negative person but I was not even in the right state of mind so I hope everyone can forgive me for those years.

There is one thing though that I never let go of through all these years, even when I was in a crippling depression, and it was to chase my dreams. Without dreams what do you really have? A lot of people give up, say they couldn't do it, or took an easier route out. But then there are the dreamers that no matter what I'm going to get my fucking dream and I don't care how hard I have to fight. Maybe it's the crazy people that do this, maybe it's just a very strong willed person, maybe it's the person next door to you that draws everyday and keeps it a secret but to them they are living their dream and actually preparing for an art show coming up. We have no idea why people do things and no idea why people keep doing things after they continuously fail. I unfortunately am a dreamer.

Actually let me say that again, I'm proud to be a dreamer. And I have been rejected a million times. But I didn't stop. I've had the same dream since I was little and it's always stuck to me and there will be hell if I if do not reach it. Pure hell! Are any of you guys like that. Like you love something soo much that you can't imagine your life without it? Did you give up on it at one point? I did. I wanted to just go kick it at a normal college and be a kid. I am soo happy with that decision I made and although I may be in a wholeeeee different place in my life right now, I wouldn't have met the people who made me who I am today. See how things all fall correctly? I met the people that have been with me through thick and thin by making a choice to go to a football school, train minimally, and just have fun. And that's when I literally Thank God every evening for placing these beautiful souls in front of me. They have saved my life a thousand times over and continue to do so even if they don't know it. Now they are my heart. And it makes me even more fearless to know that I have people there to celebrate with if I get a gig or cry with when I just wasn't right for whatever the reason.


Then comes "but if I only had this and I could only do that" well people you gotta work with what you have and a lot of successful people started out with absolutely NOTHING. Just a skip, hop, some hope, and a dream. Crazy but true. Now that I have moved to L.A. I REALLY see what people do when they are trying to make it. My ex roomie is an out of work Actor that graduated from Julliad that can barely make rent, works at a pizza parlor for minimum wage and often says he's ready to give it up. But does he? Hell no! He's in it to win it and that's why I love him soo much. Faith takes a large part in this also. You have to have that faith, and the belief that you are the best for this job/gig/commercial/whatever you may be shooting for because without that your not getting the job. Also, if you believe in God, let me tell you, he can help you with anything, even things you never thought you could do. And the more you fail, to me anyways, the stronger you get.

You must be Fearless. And most importantly, don't take a thing for granted. We have very short lives. Weeks, months, and years fly by. Love more than you thought you could ever love, do what you want to do-not what others want you to do so they can fulfill their dream within you, smile at a constant, wake up next to your lover and be thankful you met such a wonderful person who makes you just light up inside, GIVE GIVE GIVE, don't let the days fly by until you can write "TGIF" on your fb status, if you are unhappy then leave, there are other opportunities out there and little signs that will lead you to where you should be, travel, live in as many places as you want, be spontaneous, if you fail try again, and most importantly...love yourself. You are beautiful so let the world see how bright you can shine!!!


"To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."
-Taylor Swift



Thank you guys for letting me pursue one of my own dreams which is just writing this little blog. I love to write and I love writing for you.
Peace, Love, & Fearless
S

If I Had A World Of My Own.....

Wonder&Love
S

Your Guard is Up, and I Know Why....

I'm home right now in Pittsburgh, PA. Where it is currently(haha j/k, I meant permanently) raining, cold, dark, and dreary. While having a little time to go through my photo albums and boxes of books that couldn't make the move, I pulled out my 12 Step Book. Now not that I believe the 12 Steps work or don't work(I think that is up to you on how you wish to recover), but I do STRONGLY agree in Step 8 and 9! We'll get to that in a minute. I spent over half a year helping someone who used and abused me to death.....okay I'll take away the abuse.....no let's actually keep that in there because you did abuse me in the sense that I was on this earth to help them. Me, being the kind soul I unfortunately am, will basically help absolutely anyone who asks. I've been to hell and back a few times so I know what it's like and you sure do need that shoulder to cry on and a confidant who will never tell your secrets. So there I was helping, worrying, crying when they would disappear to go on a bender for a couple days and not tell me, and pretty much just walked all over. Being the state that they were in, I know from my personal experiences, they did not mean or even know that they were treating me this way. Anyways lets move on.

Back to Step 8 please-make a list of all persons we have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all. DING DING DING!!!! Now that your sanity is restored I just have a little question.....where in the world is my letter? I'm completely being real right now and I'm feeling tonight and I want to know where the heck is my letter or my (9.)Direct Amends. Phone call??? And I wouldn't be going through any of this with my readers and the person this is directed to if I didn't have almost the exact same issues. I know we love and care for each other very much soo but when should I start to feel hurt from the lack of acknowledgement? Here's some tips dear on how you can fix this all up!

Dear Sarah,
Thank you for helping me through the worst part of my life and always being there for me. You helped SAVE MY LIFE.
Sincerely,
Blank

Done. Soo easy but I mean I would hope you'd have more to say than that but just that would be kind and recognizing Step 8&9 in the 12 Steps. Or even maybe like a "Thank you for keeping me out of even more trouble I could have got into and for ALWAYS helping me out financially. Ohh and keeping a huge secret that you could only talk to your therapist about." Love, BLANK

Either way done and done. I am soo proud of you and even more proud that you have found happiness. Not a day goes by when you don't run though my mind at one time or another. But this is how I am when I am in this town. Let's just say I am excited to get back to LA because at least there I focus on myself. I live to give others advice on some of the things I have went through, what it takes it pick it all back up, and how to live minute by minute-day by day. But I guess I did something wrong. Yes, I probably babied you too much but hey what else was I supposed to do? You were on a very low maturity level at the time and that's what I thought was best. I HATE tough love so I don't use it.

So my best suggestion is to hull ass to Hallmark, pick up a card and just let me know that you appreciated everything I have done. Your ********* have my address.

That's it. And you know what, I highly doubt I would be even thinking of this if I weren't in pgh. You and I both know how wonderful it is to escape from the past and start fresh. I hope you are somewhere gorgeous and the sun is always shining. Like we had planned before, you know you can always come where I am and stay for a year or two there. You're soo freaking sweet that I cannot be mad. This is more of a protocol thing. You know I don't ever have it in me to be mean to you.

With that all said, I am now going to go watch on Demand my favorite episode of Glee. It's titled Grilled Cheesus. Everyone watch it if you haven't already. It's one of my all time favorite episodes. Okay totally way off the subject there but do watch it! Moving on....

Everyone do not forget to say your prayers and keep your spirituality high. There is never a gift that is as precious as being happy and healthy so for all of you that are please remember that is a true blessing. I know you're there now.

Love & Loyalty

S

For Every Kid Who Still Feels Like I Feel

BELIEVE




LOVE

And I Hope the Sun Shines

I'm in a deep infatuation. Not with one of the usually assholes I date but rather on the new somewhere I reside; California. I haven't pinpointed what it is that makes me smile all day or why, for me, the grass is greener on the West Coast but something about it just has me on a wonderful natural high. It could be my friends that I have here and the fabulous other souls I meet throughout the city. It could be the constant forecast of 75 degrees and Sunny. It could be that I still don't believe I'm living where anything I could want is at my fingertips?

About every other corner has fruit stands with the most delicious fruit you will ever eat, along with, the European bakeries, the extremely fresh seafood, the taco stands along with delicious Mexican made churros. And also let's not forget but LA has some of the best cuisine you can find. That could all have a say.

Or is it the shopping? Melrose anyone? With stores surrounding you like Barney's, Fred Segal, Neimaen's, Kitson, La Perla, Dolce & Gabbana, Balenciaga, Fendi, Prada, Bloomies, and many many more boutiques that a woman would die to be able to shop at. Being the fashion guru I am, it;s pretty much heaven. I die.

But what really did it is what I love about Los Angeles the most, the beaches. The pacific ocean is so different. The color is a deeper blue, and the waves don't mess around. On the weekends we usually go hang out in Venice Beach. There we have a whole bike lane from Santa Monica down to Venice, right alongside the beach, lots of walking along the ocean and getting sand all over out feet, can't believing it's only February. Or it could be the way I sit on the sand and watch the sun go down and watch the Santa Monica Pier put on their light show with the Farris Wheel and Roller Coaster. Photoed above is the 3rd Street Promenade, where shoppers go to heaven WHILE overlooking the ocean. Very charming.

But truthfully I don't think it's any of those that made me love this city this much, I think it was just luck that I found my way here and I knew when I got off the plane there was going to be no looking back. California has changed me a lot already. You can be yourself here and carry no secrets. And the best part about it is I kissed all my anxiety away (besides you K). I just want to say that if you ever have the opportunity to leave where you are from I strongly advise it. Even for a year. I feel beyond free and it's the best feeling ever.

Peace & Love
S

You Got the Power to Let Power Go...

**It hurts but I never show, this pain you'll never know
If only you could see just how lonely and how cold
And frostbit I've become, my backs against the wall
When push come to shove I just stand up and scream 'Fuck them all'** -drop the world

2011 Must Haves

10. Eat, Drink, and Be Merry. There is way to much pressure to be thin, not eat good fried food, not drink alcoholic beverages, not go to happy hour with friends but rather go to the fucking gym. This is BULLSHIT! Do whatever you want. Life is short. ENJOY it. If you don't want to go to the gym then don't. If you want that McDonalds Big Mac then have it. Being thin, eating lettuce, and living at the gym 6 hours a day does NOT = Happiness!!!

9. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. We all get stuck in such a scheduled boring life that most of us forget to live a little or live at all. Go out and date someone who is the opposite of your usual. Dye your 6 different colors in a year(I don this all the time). Be mysterious. And never be that person that other people can automatically know your entire schedule of what you will be doing all week. Wake up, Work, Gym, Shower, and 2 hours of Television will KILL YOU. Leave it while you can.

8. Change your Career. There is nothing worse then being stuck doing something we do not like or ever imagined doing. Go back to when you used to have big dreams for yourself. If you have to, go all the way back to when you were a child. As crazy as this may sound, most of us know what we want to do from a very young age. Those of us doing something about it......maybe 1%. Don't be in that 99%. Look around at all the opportunities available and start making it happen. Don't be scared to leave your job. The only thing that is scarier is staying at your job unhappy.

7. Get Involved in a Charity That You believe In. There is literally nothing better than giving back. I don't even mean money wise. Even though being able to donate a couple thousand is a great stride, doing work for the charity and getting involved with those who it is for is even better. I have always wanted to work for Make-A-Wish. Although I tried numerous times to get a job with Make-A-Wish(the Pittsburgh/WV chapter), I never actually just volunteered for the cause. can you imagine the joy that will be brought to you and the young terminally ill child when you get to tell them that their wish has been granted? It must be one of the greatest highs you can get. Just remember whatever you do-Giving is always more rewarding than getting.

6. Be Spontaneous. This gets harder to do the older we get. I've noticed I'm not even that spontaneous anymore when I used to live by the words of Jonathan Larson "No Day But Today". It's never to let to get it back though. We do only have 1 day. No one knows what will occur tomorrow. And REALLY no one knows whats going to happen in the future. Sitting in your safe zone and going through the motions everyday, isn't living! Go and do the tings you really want to do. before you know it you'll be 50 years old with no great memories to tell your children. Nothing is worse than being boring.

5. Let Go of Your Heart. Don't ever hold back when it comes to love. Love fully and give your all. Yes, we all get nervous to let ourselves go sometimes when it comes to falling head first into love but it's just something you have to do. Don't be scared and if you get hurt, you get hurt. My heart has been broken a lot but you know what? I wouldn't change a damn thing about it. To love someone is the best feeling in the world. Being loved and cared about back is the other best feeling on earth. Live in the moment and say "I love you". As the old saying goes "It is better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all". Always remember this!

4. Be You. Why are we always trying to change for others? Why do we feel like we need others approval to belong? Society and the media built these rules about if we look this way, act that way, and follow these guidelines that life will just be that much sweeter. While in all reality it's actually making your life that much more sour. What happened to just being happy with just who we are? I refuse to give in to what is "supposed" to be. I am what I am and I won't and don't ever want to change that. I love myself for who I am and I hope you all do to. There is no time to try to impress others just to "fit in" when you are really just fabulous the way you are. Never change for anyone!

3. Have Fun. With everything so uptight these days(ex; not being aloud to have a fucking cheeseburger and coke when you want to because you're scared of getting fat), we all need to loosen up these days. Have fun in all spectrum's of your life. Love like crazy, stay up all night dancing the night away with your girlfriends, laugh soo hard that you cry, and always remember "no one makes the rules but you!" I think we have all in a way forgot about fun. We are soo absorbed in money, materialistic things, and beating out on our peers on who can have the most 1st, that we lost the fact that when old and reflecting; a Benz, how many pairs of Christian Louboutin's you have, and the size of your house, are not going to even come to mind. What does come to mind is the time and the fun you had with family and friends and the many many memories happy memories you have.

2. Lose Yourself. Put your all into what your are doing and have the crazy kind of passion that you usually only read about. Throw yourself into your dreams. 100% or nothing. Make it yours. You can do whatever you want but in order to do that and fulfill what you desire you have to "Lose Yourself" in the process. In a matter of times you'll slowly forget about the way you used to do things. You sometimes only get one shot so use the passion and love you have to get what or whom you want. Never hold back!

1. Best Friends. Over the past year and a half I have had this blog I ALWAYS, every month, make sure that at the top of the "Must Haves" list that Best Friends is always number one. I don't know about you guys but my best friends are my saviors, my life, my passion, my fun, my spontaneity, and my loves. Without my everyday talks with the people most important in my life, I don't know how I'd survive. I've always been extremely lucky and had many friends but it's those ones that are like family and can finish your sentences that are the best. I love my family and friends more than I love myself. And i don't even care if that's incorrect behavior because to me, without them, there would be no me. Love, help, cry, laugh, and sing at the top of your lungs with them! Friendships are sooo magical. They are your angels on earth. Be there for the good and the bad. Never judge them EVER! You are very blessed to have these people in your life! I love you to all of my angels. Thank you, thank you!

Peace & Love

S

I'm Like Still, Y'all Don't Know Me, Shit!

Ohh lovely blog how you've grown over the year. Went from 0 to over 1,000 peeps now. Thank you sooo much from the bottom of my heart and Happy Fuckin' New Year!!!


So let's reflect. That's what you do when a new year begins.....right? Well let's try it. 2010 was an okay year. Nothing great. Nothing horrible. Just okay. When I began 2010, I believe I was a little down. Nothing tragic or anything I've felt in the past but just a little down. Cause=Unknown. Going into this year I don't feel down at all, but actually very joyful and positive. I've learned a lot this year I guess you can say. And, once again, I had to grow very thick skin and fight. Something I'm beginning to get used to. My trust has been horribly battered and I have a hard time opening up to people now. You'll see why in a little. Let's begin with the okay things......


I was very honored to be in and watch two of my best friends get married. Those days were just shining and everything was magic! I am that bridesmaid that will cry the ENTIRE ceremony. NEVER thought I would be that girl. We all know my thoughts on weddings and how I am just not the big wedding type, but ohh to see my best friends do it is just a breath taking experience. All of the showers, and bachlorette party's, and vaca's kept me pretty busy. And that's what I portrayed....a busy busy girl. But in all reality, I was anything but busy. I was actually overwhelmingly bored. Bored to death. I wanted to move, but to where I didn't know. DC, Charlotte, Baltimore, had all been on the list for a while but I never LOVED those cities. I loved the people in them but didn't feel that "now this is for me" ever while I was in them. I may even like Pittsburgh, PA better and we all know how I feel about Pittsburgh and how it gives me the chills and nausea when i am in it! So I did something really random. I called up(ok not really hahaha. I facebook messaged) an old friend from high school and we started talking a lot and I had always wanted to go to Los Angeles; So I picked up and left for a couple weeks in Southern Cali. Never thinking I would die for it(I'm more of a NYC girl), well I did. I knew instantly almost that thats where I wanted to move. Everything there was slower. Everybody was soo artistic and out there. Days of the week and time didn't matter. And the best was you can be at Fred Segal then a hop skip and jump away be looking at the ocean. It was HEAVEN! It was me.



(The paragraph that follows is written for those who have been or are in recovery from substance abuse. Bless you and please know there is an end if you want it bad enough.)

I couldn't go to L.A. right away and am actually leaving in 12 1/2 days from now as I am writing this haha. My summer move was pushed to the side when my father was in a horrible motorcycle in the beginning of May. It broke me. Literally killed me. And although in the long run he would be fine(and he is!!!), I couldn't come to terms and deal with it. I was prescribed a drug in April called Adderall. I'm sure you all have tried that once or twice if you had gone to college or if you have a touch of ADHD like I do. Now up until that point I really hadn't done much with it and had rarely even taken the full recommended dosage each day. I did not want to start relying on a drug everyday to help my concentration but if you know anything about adderall you know it's just a form of speed and the high you get it wonderful and very addictive. And if you know me, I have a high tendency to be drawn to addiction and have had problems in the past with this as well. And then my Dad and then there I was bad to my old habits. To get through the two and a half months my dad was in the hospital and rehab, I went right back to my comfort zone of numbing myself. I did though, surprisingly, never returned to drinking alcohol. I had quit drinking in February and that is one thing I was not going to give in to. So I went and went and went and went and went until one day in August, after being strung out for almost 5 months, I just dropped. My electrolytes were out of whack due to my dehydration and lack of food. I had lost a good 10 pounds by this point. And I was severely exhausted. I only slept 2-4 hours a night during all this. I wanted this damn drug away from me. It was ruining my life. So I tried to quit. Lasted 3 days. Tried again a couple weeks later. Lasted 3 days. Tried again and tried and tried. As much as I hated this pill and what it did, I also was madly in love with it and could not quit it on my own. Let me also mention that I I also had every side affect in the book but don't worry that wasn't stopping me. I DID NOT want to go back to rehab so I became REALLY fucking strong. I gave the bottle, and paper prescriptions to friends. Hiding only about 3 in my wallet which I took later on that evening. I stayed up like usual (it was soo bad by bedtime was around 10am and if I had things to do in the morning I would just not sleep at all) and then finally surrendered. 6 days of miserableness, crying, sweating, puking, and being completely lethargic.......I woke up at one point and I knew it was over and I was gonna be okay. Tears of joy streamed down my cheeks for weeks afterwards. I don't know who and who hasn't gone through an addiction but your free when it's over. I look at it now like a horrible dream. My sleeping still isn't back to normal and I am almost back to my old weight. All I can say is that we all deal with hard times differently. Never judge anyone because you have no idea what that person may be going through. Special thanks to my friends and parents, especially Doody.



Did I say we were going to start with the good stuff? Humm good stuff......ummm well I got really awesome new Prada sunglasses, but mainly my father making it through this accident is the best "good stuff" I got for you! Other things I was "okay" with in 2010 include Eminem's "Recovery" album, T. Swizzles "Speak Now" album, and the "When You're Strange" movie about the Doors. Those were some good things. Also the song "Runaway"(not the AWFUL "movie"), by Kanye West. There is someone who came to me to ask for help and I am still learning. Sometimes my advise isn't that great but it works and together we are getting though something and I love him. My friends, of course, played a huge part in 2010. I give my all to them. They are priceless treasures surrounded by shining stars and I just wish they could be with me at all times. We may be far apart but distance sure never made us grow apart for any of us. Love you all. Doody, You can speak on my behalf through anything and be completely correct. That's how well you know me. I am soo grateful and wonder how we got this far without each other??? You know me like no one else. I am soo happy to have the honor of your friendship. Let me see.....other "okay" things??? Well thanks to all the amazing musicians out there. I couldn't live without music. Alright that's about that.



Unfortunately, once again, I had and toughen up. I am still, till this day devastated that people who you thought you knew so well, aren't at all what they seemed to be. I hate the fact that I have to now not be free spirit with everyone and can't let everything out to everyone. Even the people that you trusted most. I had my trust, and my heart horribly battered as a handful of my "so called good friends" turned on me. I can't describe the type of pain that the words that were said to me and the people that did this and how broken they made me. I am now very weary of who I trust. It's sad. I never used to be like this. But wow after being backstabben from a group of girls in your hometown of Pittsburgh because of rumors and gossip, I learned they weren't even worth my friendship. Soo immature that not a one of them had or have ever even called me to tell me the TRUTH on why this all went on. It still pains me but I know that NO ONE TALKS ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE OR IS JUST BLATANTLY MEAN TO THEM UNLESS THEY HAVE SERIOUS JEALOUSY ISSUES WITH THEM. So in return I got stronger, skin got a little thicker, and am honored to be your topic of conversation. As much as I wish I would forget you all, I never will, and as much as I love you all and that will never change, what did change is the way I look at you. You used to be soo beautiful and kind to me. Now you all look like unattractive, evil, kneiving, selfish souls. Something I would never want to be or be surrounded by. And as many tears I still waste on the hurt you brought and still bring to me, I do know, in the long run, WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND. BIG TIME!

That's my 2010 and that's why I am pretty happy it has finally come to an end. To my people-I love you all soo much you have no idea. To my enemies-haha thanks for what you did. You actually made me a hell of a lot stronger and I will never let people like you into my life ever again. I'm better than this.

Peace & Happy 2011 my darling readers!!!
S

Just For Today

Hey guys!!! Just wanted to play catch up and make sure everyone is doing a-okay and feeling good and strong. There is one prayer that always brightens my day when I feel like I can't make it through. Always say this daily and you know I am always here if any one needs to talk. I've been through it all and I'm alive somehow and am just VERY grateful. Hugs, kisses, and hands held to everyone. By the way....you all make my day a lot more sweeter. Thank you!!!

SERENITY PRAYER

God, please grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference
....JUST FOR TODAY

Peace & Love

S

Cupid's Arrow Struck Me Silly

Did you ever find it really strange that we are all pretty much attracted to the same thing that we found cute in kindergarten? I know my kindergarten crush was possibly the cutest thing you could find but even at that age he had the bad boy/womanizer qualities about him. One week he was my bf and we we're holding hands and showing everyone what this love bug was really about. But.......as the kindergarten rule goes, that only lasted so long. Before I knew it he was holding hands in the playground with the huge tramp in our class! OHH how could he and what did I do. I was totally the cutest in our half day kindergarten and definitely dressed the best by far. Why me!

Well what I found out, not until after college unfortunately, that it wasn't me by any means, it was the icky blah I was always attracted to. Now I still consider myself to have the best in taste, even when it comes to the guy department, but one day 5 years ago my girlfriend Bekah sent me a card. It stated "Maybe this time we'll get over our bad boy phase" Ohh if it was just a phase, what a great thing thing that would be.......but to me it's a curse and instead of getting better it just gets worse. There have been the handful of nice guys that I had dated. The perfect guy, more intelligent than the world, always dressed to impress(well more like dressed to always be able to put on that perfect 1st impression which they are so good at), and so loving and adoring of you that you will feel suffocated even when they are not with you. These are what I call .....well probably the right ones to be with and get married to. If you want an itinerary of what is going to happen to you for the rest of your life.........and if you're looking for trips to Vegas and going to see tons of Burlesque shoes....well hey that's your fault. Now you get to go cook dinner, receive an ohh so NOT naughty piece of lingerie every now and then, a finally a graceful wardrobe filled with Ralph Lauren(and not the pieces you see on Gossip Girl).

Now it seems when it comes to love there is never going to be a win win in this situation. I personally cannot wait to start having children. Or so I always think until I hear one screaming at a restaurant I'm in and I would like to tell the baby off. I have no idea why i just mentioned kids because were going right back to my probs here. Kids would be way too much appreciated by the nice guys that I prefer to steer clear of. Now I am still kinda stuck in Kindergarten when it all comes down to it. I'm still used to be in hot steamy obsessive one of a kind love that usually last around 21 days. The kind that everyone gave up on a while ago. But I still believe. And here is why. I don't want ANYONE to change for me and with that I would NEVER want anybody expect me to change. We all are the way we are for a reason. And another reason why the divorce rate is up. You have to find someone you love from head to toe and never lets you have a moment doubt on why you took this chance. Because love is a chance. And don't you still want to be sooo in love when you are older that you are sitting and a room giggling about how lucky you are to have met this person and have them in your life? Ohh and that's just another thing......if you don't laugh literally 3/4th of the date, please just call it quits.

So I'm guessing my problem isn't that bad by any means. I'm a girl that knows exactly what she wants and although it may be the wrong thing to others, "losers" to snobs, or "Sarah-what in the hell are you doing?" then at least I'll know I'm truly happy. Whether it be forever or for a few months. Let everyone be themselves! Unfortunately that goes out to all you girls who are ALWAYS trying to transform yourself into something your not so you will find a new boyfriend. Ohh and please let them know of your past. Are you going to get married on a huge lie even if you are that much in love with the person. No. Love is truth and if they don't love you for your dreams, your past(who cares how deep you have to dig. That past has actually made you into who you are today, your laugh, and what you want your future to look like....his his.....but the both of you. Everyone is met to find true love and hey I guess I love bad bays haha. I know I'll be happy though just do to the fact that I don't judge people.

Peace&Love

S

*photos above all dedicated to Kate Moss and Pete Doherty(my fav hot mess of a couple ever)

And This Is The Way

From time to time sometimes all I need is a little advise from Rev Run. I mean who doesn't? I follow the man on Twitter and he gives me great insight on my haters, my lovers, my path, and my past and future. With that said I would love to share a few lessons I've learned from Rev Run as he tweets away everyday for us! I think everyone follows him but if not please do and don't for get to follow me too(I even throw out some great advise myself)!


A worst thing than being talked about is not being talked about (via @RevRunWisdom)

Never worry about haters::: Haters always hate those who are LOVED #fact (via @RevRunWisdom)

Neva argue with ur servants the haters,,,ur haters are very very helpful,, and u should never argue with the help (@RevRunWisdom)

Something about ppl hating on you,, let's u know that ur on the right track #smh (via @RevRunWisdom) **Absolutly!

Ppl that brag that they're GREAT,, often do this becuz they really doubt themselves #truth (via @RevRunWisdom)

I won't let em break me (via @RevRunWisdom)

Get off of other ppls jock:: its betta 2 live ur own life imperfectly,, than 2 imitate sum1 elses perfectly -(theSW) (via @RevRunWisdom)

Who r u chasin that's dissin u? Who are u ignorin that's cravin ur presence? Go where ur adored not where ur ignored (via @RevRunWisdom) **Why do we do this?

Tryin 2 get bac wit certain ppl is like tryin 2 fix a broken mirror,, its best 2 just leave it alone so u don't get hurt (via @RevRunWisdom)

Sumtimes u just grow out of ppl,, don't try 2 repair it,, its 2 painful #moveon! (via @RevRunWisdom) **Very true and hurts both ways but is better to remember the good times and leave the person behind.

I hope you all can learn a little from these. I sure did. I always feel judged and "hated" on but I've learned that obviously you cannot control it and letting it go drives the people even more nuts. People love the ones with something going on. Good or Bad. Both at once. And sometimes just because you have there attention and to them you have to be flawed because everything always goes right for you. It's sad but true. And why do we chase those who don't want us. Ex lovers and enen ex best friends. Leave and let go. Easier to say than do but an unfortunate must. Always go to the light, to the love, not back to the discust and hatred. As much as we don't want to, sometimes we have have to start walking and never look back.

P&L
S
https://twitter.com/SarahHollock

Imagine All the People, Living Life in Peace

Tomorrow may be the end for me. I have 2 cavities and am getting shot up with a lot of Novocaine and hopefully some anesthesia, laughing gas, or pain pills. I've never had a cavity before so of course this is going to be a very dramatic experience(it probably shouldn't be but if you know me it will be.) I called my mother today and asked her if you could drive on Novocaine. She proceeded to laugh and tell me to come back to reality. She often tells me that. I mean not that I live in my own little world or anything but I tend to see things in different lights than others. Yeah, that sounds right. If anyone could give me any warning on how this will go down, I will be highly appreciative.

Now onto the big news. "And Who Are You Again?" raised the fan base my almost 200 more fans this week. I couldn't be more thrilled. I am soo excited and I hope you guys enjoy the blog as much as I do. The best thing about "And Who Are You Again?" is that it is very non judgemental and had no absolute purpose. I write about everything under the sun and I like it that way. I have very deep postings that I cried while I wrote about the hard times I've been through, must have items of the month, music, theatre, dance, depression, anxiety, sex, and you name it I've probably written about it. I hold nothing in. Free as a bird. I appreciate you guys more than anything and am so grateful to have you all to read my thoughts. I always write back to anyone that writes me and I love it. So if you have any questions, just need to talk, or have a suggestion please feel free to contact me. My beliefs are to live life to its fullest, make as many mistakes as you can or you'll never learn, always go after what you want, it is better to have tried then to have sat on your ass and watched, go after your dreams NO MATTER WHAT. It takes a thousand no's to get a yes. NEVER give up! And most importantly be yourself. Everyone is so soo wonderful in their own way. Be different. Be who you are and hold nothing back. Everyone is BEAUTIFUL.

Peace & Love

S