I Always Find, Yeah I Always Find Something Wrong

........You've been puttin' up with my shit just way too long/I'm soo gifted at finding what I don't like the most, So I think it's time for us to have a toast

If you haven't noticed I've been quite obsessed with the song Runaway by Kanye West lately. If you haven't heard it yet, it is now available on iTunes and Kanye's entire new album will be released in November. I wrote about Kanye and his usual disastrous VMA performances in September but this year was pleased to find one of my personal favorite performances ever. Now I'm not here to speak about Mr. West but rather to talk about how these lyrics relate to my life and probably a lot of yours.

You ever feel like, even though you may be in love with the person, you just pick and pick and pick until you find numerous things wrong in them? I, unfortunately, live by this. I am getting better but I always want my bf's to be absolutely perfect. Why? Is it because I'm not perfect? Is it because I want some sense of normalcy in my life? Someones that's gonna pull me right back up when I begin to fall? Yes, these are things that I want but even when I am dating these "perfect" guys I start tending to find them too perfect and definitely way to attentive. So why do I envision myself with a perfect soul when actually all I want is someone who is as fucked up and crazy as myself. Someone who falls with me, someone who leaves me wondering, somebody gifted and genius but not in the traditional sense.

Considering I am moving to Los Angeles shortly here, I know I will find more of these types of guys out there then I would have any chance in Pittsburgh, PA where everyone wears a suit and tie, goes to their 9-5, goes to the gym, and has a weekly lineup of television shows until it's time for bed. Then repeat. Now this is what I find wrong, and what I don't like the most. I love spontaneous, rebellious, and a tad crazy human beings. But when I am in relationships such as these ones that I do love, I begin to grow tired from all the drama. It's all or nothing. Breaking up and making up. It's crazy crazy love. And we all know I LOVE dramatics to a point but when you find yourself either soo high you can't come down or so low you can't stop crying and screaming their name......well then you know you are in a troubled relationship.

Do you think finding someone just like yourself is always the best way to go? Or someone the total opposite being a better choice? My parents are COMPLETE opposites and yes they do love each other very much, they both never got to do what they really wanted to do in life because of the other and I just don't think that's far. I am an only child. Being an only child either leaves you with the typical only child perfectionist/OCD ways or you can interpret and build your personality when young off of the one that raises you. Not that both my parents did not, but my mother was the one who predominately raised me. She's the baby of her family. And that's the exact mold I fit. I also find myself dating the baby of the family often as well. Not such a bright idea but these are the ones that are basic carbon copies of yourselves. It's comfortable, easy, and all the time crazy fun.

So what do you guys go after the most and what works best for you? What do you always find something wrong in a person and are you finding out that you don't like the most?

Peace&Love

S

And This Is The Way

From time to time sometimes all I need is a little advise from Rev Run. I mean who doesn't? I follow the man on Twitter and he gives me great insight on my haters, my lovers, my path, and my past and future. With that said I would love to share a few lessons I've learned from Rev Run as he tweets away everyday for us! I think everyone follows him but if not please do and don't for get to follow me too(I even throw out some great advise myself)!


A worst thing than being talked about is not being talked about (via @RevRunWisdom)

Never worry about haters::: Haters always hate those who are LOVED #fact (via @RevRunWisdom)

Neva argue with ur servants the haters,,,ur haters are very very helpful,, and u should never argue with the help (@RevRunWisdom)

Something about ppl hating on you,, let's u know that ur on the right track #smh (via @RevRunWisdom) **Absolutly!

Ppl that brag that they're GREAT,, often do this becuz they really doubt themselves #truth (via @RevRunWisdom)

I won't let em break me (via @RevRunWisdom)

Get off of other ppls jock:: its betta 2 live ur own life imperfectly,, than 2 imitate sum1 elses perfectly -(theSW) (via @RevRunWisdom)

Who r u chasin that's dissin u? Who are u ignorin that's cravin ur presence? Go where ur adored not where ur ignored (via @RevRunWisdom) **Why do we do this?

Tryin 2 get bac wit certain ppl is like tryin 2 fix a broken mirror,, its best 2 just leave it alone so u don't get hurt (via @RevRunWisdom)

Sumtimes u just grow out of ppl,, don't try 2 repair it,, its 2 painful #moveon! (via @RevRunWisdom) **Very true and hurts both ways but is better to remember the good times and leave the person behind.

I hope you all can learn a little from these. I sure did. I always feel judged and "hated" on but I've learned that obviously you cannot control it and letting it go drives the people even more nuts. People love the ones with something going on. Good or Bad. Both at once. And sometimes just because you have there attention and to them you have to be flawed because everything always goes right for you. It's sad but true. And why do we chase those who don't want us. Ex lovers and enen ex best friends. Leave and let go. Easier to say than do but an unfortunate must. Always go to the light, to the love, not back to the discust and hatred. As much as we don't want to, sometimes we have have to start walking and never look back.

P&L
S
https://twitter.com/SarahHollock

It's My Prerogative

'I'm really not interested in pity. I have no need for it. What I could use is some understanding from people and some fucking privacy.'

This is something some people can handle and some people can't. It's also something that you have to learn to be able to let it in one ear and out the other. Everyone that says that they have never been hurt is lying because as a human being it's just natural to want to be accepted for who you are and feel as though you are just like everyone else. But it doesn't work that way. We are all different. Some are great at blending in and standing to the side while others can't walk into a room without being stared at, asked about, and criticized. Good or bad, they will both still kill you in the end. This goes out at all of you who have been spoken about, talked about by people with no knowledge of you, talked about by people that do have knowledge about you, and basically examined by others under a microscope.

Unfortunately many of us are violated of our privacy and our truth. All the rumors and lies get soo many people high that they could cause less if what they are gossiping about is real or not. And why does this occur? I will absolutely not say that I have never participated in a little gossip but I can say that I have NEVER spoken good or bad about people 1. don't know 2. may be going through something 3. have something that you have NO KNOWLEDGE about to even try to talk about them and 4. know they've been through something that altered and has changed their lives. When you live under this microscope there is only so much that you can take sometimes before it gets to you. I personally have become much stronger and grew much thicker skin over the years. I even have a ritual I say to myself after someone asks me something that's none of their fucking business or tries to find out things about me or even when friends feel as though they have the right to enter the wall you have had to put up because it's been knocked down so many people that you believed you could trust.

Unfortunately you begin to see people in a different light. For example, I always (*used to)think everyone that passes in my life, whether for a moment or for a lifetime, is a good person. I never wanted to believe some that some could be so evil, vindictive, and backstabbing. But these people do exist. And unfortunately to me, I still prefer to remain blinded to this factor. And maybe it's just because I've seen soo much. Seen the darkest places you can go where you think you will never get out alive, and repeat, and repeat. I don't want to see and believe that people can be cruel, or actually cruel is partially the wrong word I want to use. Have so much ignorance. Yes. Ignorance, toward others they do not know a bit about. Maybe you know a handful of what happened but behind that there is a lot more to the story. Most likely more than you will ever believe. It's like when you buy a tabloid and the cover reads "to young to die", and it's about an actor or actress who is going through something or needs help getting through that something. The story inside sounds true but it is blown up and just an ounce of what that person is dealing with is really mentioned. The rest are lies. And these are purchased by millions every week. That's on a whole other level of dealing with peoples criticism. Very sad.

We have to stand tall though and not play the victim. Never give in and take it personally and with lots of practice this gets easier by the day. People don't talk about things that aren't intriguing. You must intrigue people by whatever kind of power you behold that makes people so fascinated. When asked questions that should not be asked just kindly reply that you would prefer not to talk about that or if you have to just say fuck off. Comments that may be a positive statement to them but a quite negative one to you often occur. Say thank you and move on. You and only you know the truth. Can you handle my truth?

P & L

S

Baby Come On Control Me

WHOA....so I am going to totally half ass this because I know that most of you, including myself, love to hear and watch this shit for 20 minutes a week and then don't want to hear about it for another week. That being said, yep you guessed it, were going to do a quick run through of The Hills season 9,000. Starring Kristin, Brody, Audrina, Ryan Cabrara(seriously Audrina? I mean really now), Steph, Holly, my arch nemesis Lo(sorry but I just cannot stand the girl. She is boring. Very boring), Brody's bff(And who is he again?), and the lovely Mr. and Mrs. Spencer and Heidi Pratt. The last two characters/maybe real life people/lets just hope they are characters cause they scare the shit out of me; are those we will concentrate on this evening. Now please everyone gather and bring your Crystals because were going into the "war zone."

I'm really good at psychology and can usually diagnosis someone within a 2 minute rate. Spencer was a pretty normal nornal guy like the rest of guys in their 20's should be but I believe it was around when Lauren actually started to stand up for herself I saw a change in his behavior. Now for expertise on all of this we would have to bring in my best friend Tera, who is a self admitted Hills addict, to decipher if I am correct but she is unable to help out on this at the moment so let's just take my word. Then I took a hiatus from The Hills because Lauren began to get very boring on me then she brought that really boring Lo on and they were mean to the only cool one on the show, Audrina, so I got sick of all the rich bitch drama. Last year I think I watched it but all I can remember is that they were all mean to Kristen and Brody was dating that transvestite looking girl who I wish I could remember her name. She just didn't seem like a nice person at all. And Justin Bobby was riding around on his motorcycle being a true pimp like always. (Love that kid!)

So now on Final Season, we are truly getting into the deeper and true meaning of what we all call The Hills. It stared months back when we would be in Target looking at the tabloids while in line and seeing Heidi. I immediately jumped to "Why Heidi Why!" I am NOT trying to be mean or disrespectful to anyone who likes Heidi or knows Heidi personally(which I don't think any of my readers do but you never know), but I feel (2 min psyc eval) she has a serious case of body dysmorphia, depersonalization disorder, and let's add 3 dash's of pure crazy. So in the previous season or maybe even the season before that she got her nose and boobs done. I can't judge that with her living in Hollywood and being young with money. BUT at a later date in 2010 she had somehow concluded that if she got a whole new face and body she'd be a very happy person. Having your ears pinned back, new nose job, lipo on her inner thighs(ouch), lipo other places, a big butt implant, eyebrow lift, cheek injections, her chin was shaved down, huge lip injections, and her brand new I don't know how she walks, breasts; could never bring true happiness. I think I got it all but if I don't feel free to add in. The poor girl looks like a whole other girl. Like a porn star-bad facelift-and boobs made for clowns. I really did think she was pretty on the 1st season too. But don't worry she still wants to upgrade those EEE boobs. "I really want them to be like H's for Heidi"

Now onto where the true crazy lies......Spencer Pratt. He began this season with his crystal collection which apparently protects him from almost everything evil the world could bring but in exchange I think Spencer sold his soul because I have NEVER met or seen a person with his type of behaviors. I'll try to do my (2 min psych eval) but I don't even think I can unlock the true madness inside the mind of Spencer Pratt. Let's list a good amount to make sure we get them all........Delusional Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Adjustment Disorder, OCD, Depersonalization Disorder, and a large dash of just plain good old psychosis. Okay some of these I cheated on and went under psych disorders and found. The Narcissistic Personality Disorder is great! It's soo Patrick Bateman. Now let's hope Mr. Pratt doesn't turn into a real life Bateman but at this point he's acting soo scary I wouldn't even want to be in the same room. The past few episodes have shown Spencers withdrawal from the social world. He said 2 weeks ago "I don't have a sister. Who said I have a sister. That was in my past life." Then Holly visits The Pratt residence and he begins to "scream at her calling her and Heidi's mother just a vagina that Heidi came out of and that she is nothing to him."

So we know they own $400,000 worth of "magic crystals". "This one is for geniuses. It opens your mind to everything...and helps you to really think when you're in a war zone." Okay what? Please describe what your translation of a War Zone is. The as Heidi sits there with her permanent happy-dumb face, nodding, Spencer tells the gang that "Heidi is allowed no television, no internet, no phones, all shes allowed to do is read and write poetry, pet puppys, and pray."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvkbjzYT5aE

MUST WATCH

Great Quotes from the Pratts

Spencer Pratt: "I'm trying to live a more positive, holy life, but it takes work. It's hard not sinning, you know?"
Spencer Pratt: "Jesus and I are making the connection."
Heidi Mintage: "Spencer didn't change me. I changed myself"
Spencer Pratt: "Honestly, Brody, I'm worried about you. You're the one showing up to all these events wasted. Maybe you need crystal therapy to sober up. Connect with nature and not the bottle, you drunk."
Spencer Pratt: "I line the windows with crystals, keep bad spirits out but keep Heidi locked in."
Spencer Pratt: “It’s true, I have a Marine in the house. He’s helping me write a script. And yes, we’ve been out of the house only three times this month, but that’s because I’m busy working on several business ventures.”

Alright I'm out....enough talk of this mess.

Peace & Love,
S