And the Next Will Be Revealed

May is Mental Health Month for Mental Health America. There are a lot of things you can do to help other than make donations. My personal way of seeing someone help is when they take the time to learn and understand Depression, especially if you have a family member, friend, or colleague in your life that is suffering. It took my parents over 12 years to finally understand the depths of my illness and they are STILL learning. It's a very hard thing to grasp because you don't want to see anyone in the deep throws of a clinical depression episode. But it's something you have to learn, deal, help, and give hope. So what I wish for this May is for all of my friends and my Dad(who still has a really hard time with it), to take a few extra hours and learn about this subject. It's actually fascinating and highly interesting to see how the brain works differently on each individual human being. Thank You.

"Whenever someone sorrows, I do not say, "forget it," or "it will pass," or "it could be worse" -- all of which deny the integrity of the painful experience. But I say, to the contrary, "It is worse than you may allow yourself to think. Delve into the depth. Stay with the feeling. Think of it as a precious source of knowledge and guidance. Then and only then will you be ready to face it and be transformed in the process."

"You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you."

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."

“Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts”

"A lot of people don't realize that depression is an illness. I don't wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they just shrug it."

"Depression can seem worse than terminal cancer, because most cancer patients feel loved and they have hope and self-esteem."

"In the dark there is no seeing of the light. It eats at you until you feel as though you can no longer walk or breathe. It comes out of no where and there is no control in your mind to save you from these demons. But in the end, after what could be 3 months to many many years, you wake up one day and hope comes through....just when you had given up. The sun shines again, dreams come back in full swing, and you are the strongest person on this earth." -S. Hollock

When you do make it out of a depressive episode, the alive you feel is different than anyone else's. You have been to hell again and somehow you and God found a way to make it back to see the wonderful heavens. If I could have one wish it would be that no one would ever have to go through what I have but in another way I wouldn't have become the person I am and love today. There will be a day when the blackness returns and giving up seems like the best doing, but you have to remember the heavens that you will reach when you wake and see the light again.

Peace&Hope
S
**If anyone has any questions or just absolutely anything they would like to tell me that they have gone through, please feel free to message me. Getting it out helps and finding that person who understands is one in a million. I love you all.

It's My Prerogative

'I'm really not interested in pity. I have no need for it. What I could use is some understanding from people and some fucking privacy.'

This is something some people can handle and some people can't. It's also something that you have to learn to be able to let it in one ear and out the other. Everyone that says that they have never been hurt is lying because as a human being it's just natural to want to be accepted for who you are and feel as though you are just like everyone else. But it doesn't work that way. We are all different. Some are great at blending in and standing to the side while others can't walk into a room without being stared at, asked about, and criticized. Good or bad, they will both still kill you in the end. This goes out at all of you who have been spoken about, talked about by people with no knowledge of you, talked about by people that do have knowledge about you, and basically examined by others under a microscope.

Unfortunately many of us are violated of our privacy and our truth. All the rumors and lies get soo many people high that they could cause less if what they are gossiping about is real or not. And why does this occur? I will absolutely not say that I have never participated in a little gossip but I can say that I have NEVER spoken good or bad about people 1. don't know 2. may be going through something 3. have something that you have NO KNOWLEDGE about to even try to talk about them and 4. know they've been through something that altered and has changed their lives. When you live under this microscope there is only so much that you can take sometimes before it gets to you. I personally have become much stronger and grew much thicker skin over the years. I even have a ritual I say to myself after someone asks me something that's none of their fucking business or tries to find out things about me or even when friends feel as though they have the right to enter the wall you have had to put up because it's been knocked down so many people that you believed you could trust.

Unfortunately you begin to see people in a different light. For example, I always (*used to)think everyone that passes in my life, whether for a moment or for a lifetime, is a good person. I never wanted to believe some that some could be so evil, vindictive, and backstabbing. But these people do exist. And unfortunately to me, I still prefer to remain blinded to this factor. And maybe it's just because I've seen soo much. Seen the darkest places you can go where you think you will never get out alive, and repeat, and repeat. I don't want to see and believe that people can be cruel, or actually cruel is partially the wrong word I want to use. Have so much ignorance. Yes. Ignorance, toward others they do not know a bit about. Maybe you know a handful of what happened but behind that there is a lot more to the story. Most likely more than you will ever believe. It's like when you buy a tabloid and the cover reads "to young to die", and it's about an actor or actress who is going through something or needs help getting through that something. The story inside sounds true but it is blown up and just an ounce of what that person is dealing with is really mentioned. The rest are lies. And these are purchased by millions every week. That's on a whole other level of dealing with peoples criticism. Very sad.

We have to stand tall though and not play the victim. Never give in and take it personally and with lots of practice this gets easier by the day. People don't talk about things that aren't intriguing. You must intrigue people by whatever kind of power you behold that makes people so fascinated. When asked questions that should not be asked just kindly reply that you would prefer not to talk about that or if you have to just say fuck off. Comments that may be a positive statement to them but a quite negative one to you often occur. Say thank you and move on. You and only you know the truth. Can you handle my truth?

P & L

S