And the Next Will Be Revealed

May is Mental Health Month for Mental Health America. There are a lot of things you can do to help other than make donations. My personal way of seeing someone help is when they take the time to learn and understand Depression, especially if you have a family member, friend, or colleague in your life that is suffering. It took my parents over 12 years to finally understand the depths of my illness and they are STILL learning. It's a very hard thing to grasp because you don't want to see anyone in the deep throws of a clinical depression episode. But it's something you have to learn, deal, help, and give hope. So what I wish for this May is for all of my friends and my Dad(who still has a really hard time with it), to take a few extra hours and learn about this subject. It's actually fascinating and highly interesting to see how the brain works differently on each individual human being. Thank You.

"Whenever someone sorrows, I do not say, "forget it," or "it will pass," or "it could be worse" -- all of which deny the integrity of the painful experience. But I say, to the contrary, "It is worse than you may allow yourself to think. Delve into the depth. Stay with the feeling. Think of it as a precious source of knowledge and guidance. Then and only then will you be ready to face it and be transformed in the process."

"You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you."

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."

“Depression is nourished by a lifetime of ungrieved and unforgiven hurts”

"A lot of people don't realize that depression is an illness. I don't wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they just shrug it."

"Depression can seem worse than terminal cancer, because most cancer patients feel loved and they have hope and self-esteem."

"In the dark there is no seeing of the light. It eats at you until you feel as though you can no longer walk or breathe. It comes out of no where and there is no control in your mind to save you from these demons. But in the end, after what could be 3 months to many many years, you wake up one day and hope comes through....just when you had given up. The sun shines again, dreams come back in full swing, and you are the strongest person on this earth." -S. Hollock

When you do make it out of a depressive episode, the alive you feel is different than anyone else's. You have been to hell again and somehow you and God found a way to make it back to see the wonderful heavens. If I could have one wish it would be that no one would ever have to go through what I have but in another way I wouldn't have become the person I am and love today. There will be a day when the blackness returns and giving up seems like the best doing, but you have to remember the heavens that you will reach when you wake and see the light again.

Peace&Hope
S
**If anyone has any questions or just absolutely anything they would like to tell me that they have gone through, please feel free to message me. Getting it out helps and finding that person who understands is one in a million. I love you all.

Just For Today

Hey guys!!! Just wanted to play catch up and make sure everyone is doing a-okay and feeling good and strong. There is one prayer that always brightens my day when I feel like I can't make it through. Always say this daily and you know I am always here if any one needs to talk. I've been through it all and I'm alive somehow and am just VERY grateful. Hugs, kisses, and hands held to everyone. By the way....you all make my day a lot more sweeter. Thank you!!!

SERENITY PRAYER

God, please grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference
....JUST FOR TODAY

Peace & Love

S

Broken Heart and Broken Bones

I don't really want to talk about these things because I have been there myself and I don't really wish, since I'm in a very safe place right now, to bring them back into being topics of my life. Just on the celebrity end of this there have been a lot of overdoses and depression related deaths. Just in the past three weeks there have been three suicides of wonderful young men.

If you are wondering what causes this or why this happens to some people and not others and why it seems to really attack a certain line of work, well I will try to explain. Most creative people are VERY left minded. Also known as your emotional mind. Using your emotional side leads you to be fantastically creative. Notice the line of work I am speaking of....Artists(which if you still don't understand that includes everything and anything under the performing and creative arts). Yes sometimes we can go into the center and use our wise mind, but rarely do we use our right side, aka our rational mind. Being extremely emotionally minded leads you to being very spontaneous, ocd, obsessive, addictive, very high ups and downs, and a lot are complete genius's. We do things without thinking of the outcome, we often find things that we just love love love and cannot live without(loving your career as a fashion designer is a positive. Finding a substance is a negative.) See the connection here? But the problem is drugs in your system, for a person who if left minded, bring out soooo much creativity. A lot of great musicians(basically all of the best), wrote their best work while high. But where are they now? Mostly gone to overdoses and suicides.

I've only been okay for almost a year so I'm not saying I'm a hero or anything or I'm better than anyone who relapses because don't worry I have relapsed and I work everyday and get better everyday. I've been really blessed with wonderful psychiatrists who really put me on the correct medications. Some aren't so lucky. Including me. It took me 7 years to finally feel any release from the pain that haunted me everyday. Do I hate meds? Yes. Did they save my life? Yes. Will I continue to take them? I sure hope so. But I have to tell you sometimes when you feel well again it is soo easy to ditch your meds thinking you'll be okay. And before you know it your back at square one. This is what happened to me many of times and this is what also happened to Andrew Koenig who stoped taking his medications for his chronic battle with depression. He was found missing and found dead this week. Cause of death suicide. Below is a letter from his parents:

“My son took his own life,” he continued. “If you're one of those people who feel they can’t handle it any more, if you can learn anything from this: it’s that there are people out there who really care. You might not think so…but there are people who really, really care. And before you take that final decision, check it out again... talk to somebody.

"And for those families who have members who they fear are susceptible to this kind of behavior, don’t ignore it, don’t rationalize it. Extend a hand.”

His mother added, “I ask you all to familiarize yourselves with signs you may rationalize away. Don’t rationalize away anything. Connect with each other if there is something bothering you. There is love out there.”

Now I just read that another horrible tragedy occurred last evening in Los Angeles. Marie Osmonds son Michael took his life at the early age of 18. He jumped from his apartment complex building. He left a note. Not all is here of course due to privacy but here is a part:

"I couldn't deal with my life-long battle with depression anymore. I felt like I was completely alone."

And to finish, we had the death of one of my largest inspirations, Alexander McQueen who was found hung in his home just one week after his mothers passing.

That's all I can write. Sorry but all of this hits way to close to home.

Sarah

Also on the line of addiction, I had wrote this this week to try to make people understand how powerful it really is:

Once you are addicted to something it becomes your main relationship, the love of your life, the thing you can't live without. I am still in a highly addictive relationship with Klonopin and that is exactly how I think of the drug. You may be soo creative and brilliant at 1st. It makes you happy and alive so you want more, more, and more. But once your brain starts to center around the substance.....all your cares slip away. Before you know it you are deeply depressed and suicidal and the drugs have done this to you but you can't stop but you really really want to. Some can fight it. Some can't and surrender.