You & I Walk A Fragile Line

Subject: truth

Dear *************,

I have to write you this or I would truly regret it. 1st off I hope you had a good day and everything was okay mentally and physically. That's what I care about the most. Due to me changing my flight, I have had endless hours to over analyze things and well all I have been doing is thinking of you. I love how we are now and the wonderful relationship I believe I tricked myself into thinking we have. While going back I've taken a look at the past 7 months. I thought for once we had it all figured out and we're on the same page. We don't fight anymore, we look to each other for advise, to laugh and cry to, it was all perfect. But it was a lie. I see it clear now and I feel horrible about myself that I let this go on and that you would do this to me, whether you realized it or not. Taking it back to August and to now, mid-January, there is not one single time that you have seen me just to see me. Yeah we've spent tons of time together and endless hours, if we are not together, on the phone but maybe you took it too far. Every last single time, and this makes me soo sad, you wanted to see me you always got ****************************. I'm the fool in this situation. I should have seen this pattern a long long time ago. You would always plan things with me and half the time you were not to be found, passed out, or lying to me. I didn't let it bother me and I knew you were sick so I always let it go. I can't let it go any further though.

After spending the past few days with you this weekend you kept repeating that you needed me and how you wished I wasn't leaving this week so I could stay in Pittsburgh with you for just a bit longer. I threw it out there that maybe I should change my flight and you were all for it. So excited you were that I was going to stay and be there with you. And I would have never thought twice. When someone I love someone that is going through a rough patch and needs me, I am there. I knew you would have done the same. I changed my flight and you were so excited for me and here I am, alone, not even helping do anything for you, 3 days after I should have left. I haven't even seen you since the afternoon we left your apartment. You asked me to stay for this weekend imparticular and I haven't even seen or heard from you today. I REALLY just want what is best for you so if you being at home right now, instead of us going to hide out at your apt, it does not bother me at all. I'm not selfish in that matter but I believe you were selfish when you brought up me leaving and how you needed me and then didn't. And you, of all people,you knew I had to get to L.A. more than anyone. We both know that that pittsburgh is bad for us.

Also as the old saying goes "actions speak louder than words", I always here how much I am to you and all these wonderful things from you but you never show me. And by showing I don't mean doing anything with money. I mean just maybe, just anything, to show in a way other than words how much I have done for you, really means to you. It could be a letter, a flower, a big kiss and a hug, a special day for me. Anything really. I go over and beyond to show you in actions how much I care. I know you care, don't get me wrong, but sometimes the way you care for me actually hurts. I look dumb. Friendships/Relationships work both ways. You put in what you get and well I put in a lot into our relationship because you mean soooo much to me, *************, you just have no idea. It saddens me that sometimes you can't say I love you back when we hang up at night or thank me everytime when I save you from another mishap that you have made.

As you can see this letter is far from anything mean. I actually cried throughout writing it. I can't believe I didn't pick up on these things before. I'm the stupid one not you. I just really hope you can explain it somehow even though it's pretty black and white or have a way to make it up to me this week so I know that this wonderful friendship (I look to you as one of my best friends, a person I adore, and can be with forever and never want to go), is what we believe. I have feelings just like you do. We've been through some really crappy things together the last 8 years and we always make it back to help eachother through the next. Regardless of this letter, we do have a promise(many promises) to eachother, and with that I will never not have your back. Stay strong darling and I'll see you in *********.

Love,
Sarah
(this was an actual letter written and sent by me in January 2011)

Just For Today

Hey guys!!! Just wanted to play catch up and make sure everyone is doing a-okay and feeling good and strong. There is one prayer that always brightens my day when I feel like I can't make it through. Always say this daily and you know I am always here if any one needs to talk. I've been through it all and I'm alive somehow and am just VERY grateful. Hugs, kisses, and hands held to everyone. By the way....you all make my day a lot more sweeter. Thank you!!!

SERENITY PRAYER

God, please grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference
....JUST FOR TODAY

Peace & Love

S

How Close Were You To Dying? 2 Hours.

Dear Doody,

I made a sweet ass Doody playlist tonight for you to listen to when you get your laptop. And I was thinking about it and I do think even though it may be backtracking if you do decide to make the trip again that we do stop by Detroit. I mean why the fuck not, right? We only live once. So as I was sitting here writing a blog about Taylor Swift, which I'm sure you'd disapprove of anyways haha and I put on The Marshall Mathers LP and Marshall Mathers came on. Man did I start dying laughing. "Man I just don't get it. Last year I was nobody, now I'm selling records." Ohh that Doody is a funny one. 'What are you selling Em? You selling some records? Like in the record store?" And then I just started thinking about you and how some people truly do come into your life with full reason. God, where do I start. You saved my ass. Like big time. And I saved yours right back like a year later. Without eachother I really don't know what the hell our crazy ass's would be doing. Look at us now though. We're kicking it. Out of rehab, staying sober, drinking our Ensure Plus's, thinking rationally. Who the fuck would have ever thought! And the best is you teach me something new everyday. You're my teacher, my angel, my sister, my Doody, my freaking everything. I don't know how God knew how to put us together but damn do I feel blessed. You can read me inside and out on any given day as I can with you. We've learned how to keep the haters out and the positive vibes alive. I cannot even tell you how much you helped me the other day learning about really strong drugs and what they do and how they will try to make others look stupid, people they love, just because they can't face that they are the ones beyond hurt. Everything about M, and just fuck it.......why the fuck do we have to deal with this shit. Why? And I always tell you it's because God knows what he's doing and everything that he puts us through makes us sooooo much stronger than others in the long run. Even if it's not us going through a rough patch there we are helping out others that are and that's half the reason why I love myself and love you so much because we don't give up on people and don't knock em' when they're down. It's a good characteristic to have especially since we don't wanna fall in the same trap as the haters. To all those that "showed me nuthin' but hate, you ran me into the ground/but what comes around goes around, you don't hurt me".....had to throw some No Love in there, but I don't know what I would have done without you at that time. As I can say now that Karma is gonna to really kick there asses very soon, I once couldn't even get up without crying. Both of us though, and you know K told me the other day that we all just get thrown into a circus of dramatic mess because these fuckers don't have anything better to do then bring up those who have gone through shit, well I think both of us are getting stronger everyday about it and one day we are just gonna be able to dust it off our shoulders. Doody even has probs with this you know. But he just fucking goes in his basement theatre and watches Superbad on repeat cause that's what he missed out of when he was high hahahahahahaha!!!!!! "I don't give a damn what you think, I'm doin' this for me" That's what we gotta start doing too. So as I was making this amazing Doody playlist I ran into a BUNCH of live versions of Not Afraid and you're right he is soooo powerful and intense about this song that it actually makes it that much more beautiful to hear and watch him. I wanna have that intensity in me one day. I'm really glad we have him to look up to and be able to listen to his albums and be able to just be retreated to another place. Even on the worst of days. Doody is an angel as well and he has a wonderful angel who saved him now as well. His Doody won't let him fall just like I'll never let you fall and visa versa. No one is going to understand like one word of this letter but that's the beauty of it because it's not meant for others to understand. "Why you think ***** used to call me Doody?

Love,

Doody

http://www.youtube.com/user/andwhoareyouagain#grid/user/45F1D1C6DA238496

Love is Evol, Spell it Backwards, I'll Show Ya

Well here I am. Been through a lot these past few months but I'm back and I'm trying to be stronger than ever. Actually, fuck that, I will be stronger than ever. I am sorry for my absence. I have no excuses besides I chose to walk a dark path when I could have used my many skills I have learned to not take that road. But please except that I am only human, just like you, and make a lot of mistakes. Recovered and full of joy; Let's wipe the spiderwebs off and bring this motherfucker back to life!

I left off over a month ago on the discussion of Eminem. After the 3 or 4 pieces I wrote about the extraordinarily talented, emotionally open, lyrical genius; All we have remaining is the actual review of the masterpiece album, Recovery. Short and sweet, here we go:

Recovery is an album that is an open book. You read it how you want, but if you have ever or are-addicted, depressed, emotional drawn from the world, weak, lost, experiencing soberness after a long time, or beginning your life long recovery or have been in recovery for over 40 years.......than you may read it quite differently. In two words I can sum up the album as Ispirationally Beautiful. It speaks in true form, straight Marshall's heart to yours, what a lot of people can't and no matter how hard they try really will never understand about recovery and all that comes along with it. I strongly recommend this Album. I have not been able to put it down since it's debut and it doesn't look like I'll be putting it down anytime soon. This album, if you've been there or even if you're just a fan, will take you through the pain and the joy of Eminem's journey. He put it ALL out there. He has earned such respect as not only an artist, but also as an individual. If more people would open up and tell it real, the world might be a tad different. And I do hope you know, especially for my new readers, this is why I started this blog almost 1 year ago. To be open about things most keep locked up inside. You really wanna know where I've been for the past 3 months? Keep reading over the next month.

Is anybody out there, It feels like I'm talking to myself
No one seems to know my struggle, and everything I come from
Can anybody hear me yeah, I guess I keep talking to myself
Feels like I'm going insane, am I the one who's crazy -talking 2 myself


My friends can’t understand this new me
I feel like I’m losing control of myself,
I sincerely apologize if all that I sound like, is I’m complaining,
But life keeps on complicating, an’ I’m debating,
On leaving this world, I try and hide it,
But I can’t, why do I act like I’m all high and mighty,
When inside, I’m dying, I am finally realizing I need help.
I can’t do it by myself, too weak -Going Through Changes

Around with the idea, of ending the shit right here.
I’m hatin’ my reflection, I walk around the house tryin’ to fight mirrors -Going Through Changes


Yeah, my life a bitch, but you know nothing bout her
Been to hell and back, I can show you vouchers -No Love (feat. Lil Wayne)

I’m alive again
More alive than I have been in my whole entire life
I can see these people’s ears perk up as I begin
To spaz with the pen, I’m a little bit sicker than most -No Love

Where was you when I fell and needed help up? You get no love -No Love


Matter of fact it was just the other night, had another dream about you
You told me to get up, I got up, I spread my wings and I flew
You gave me a reason to fight, I was on my way to see you
Lord I’m so thankful, please don’t think I don’t feel grateful, I do
Just grant me the strength that I need, for one more day to get through -You're Never Over



Those are just a few fighting quotes I like but truthfully I just wanted to quote the whole album. My absolute favorite tracks on this album with the sickest rhythms I believe are (I tried to pick just one.....just couldn't)


-Almost Famous
-No Love
-Cold Wind Blows
-Space Bound
-Love the Way You Lie
-Seduction


Look out for the video for 'Love the Way You Lie' coming out soon which was shot just last week. Also the lyrics on this album are SICKENINGLY genius so listen listen listen and listen again. This is a whole new thing he's doing too using love, chills, butterflies, in his pieces. It's cool, really cool. Please let me know what your favorite tracks are and I WILL talk to you all soon cause........'I'm Back'!


Peace & Love
S

Recovery YO Pt. 3

Em taking a nap on Proof while on tour bus

Inserts out of a Vibe Magazine

Interview from 2009

It’s no secret I had a drug problem. I just don’t think my fans knew how bad it was. When I went to rehab in 2005 I went in for a sleep problem, or I guess a sleep problem is what I thought it was. But it was a drug problem and I wasn’t ready to admit it. I was taking Valium, Ambien, and Vicodin. Valium, Ambien, the numbers got so high I don’t even know what I was taking. I barely made it through that Anger Management 3 tour [Summer 2005]. I got by on the skin of my teeth. I had a rehab doctor that was seeing me through to where I could just take enough to not get sick and be able to sleep at night. The whole idea was, Get me through the tour, through these last couple of weeks, and then I’ll check myself in.

When I went into rehab everyone else was ready for me to go, but I wasn’t. Rehab was a really bad experience for me. Just being a celebrity and s**t, I felt like a fish out of water. It was like, I don’t have a problem. Everybody else has a problem. I’m a grown man, I should be able to do what I wanna do. That’s the things that addicts go through in their mind. I stayed in rehab for probably two weeks—then I checked myself out.

Needless to say, I relapsed. I started taking Vicodin the week after I got home, so I was probably clean for three weeks. Then I started back with the NyQuil. I had a problem with NyQuil even though it’s an over-the-counter thing, it’s a serious trigger for me. I’d try to knock myself out but sometimes if you drink too much it would have the reverse effect and keep you up. So I’m right back on the phone with the dopeman trying to get Valium or whatever I could to sleep.
The problem was bad already, but when the Proof thing happened, it got really bad. It’s not an excuse to use drugs, but man, if I ever had a reason…. It was an excuse for me to just say, f**k it. I just went all out with it. It got worse and worse to the point where I was getting it from anywhere I could. I had friends—or so-called friends—that were using the same s**t that I was. They’d give me s**t and I’d stockpile it.

So one day, this was right before Christmas of 2007, I got ahold of some pills. Somebody gave me some pills that were blue and they were shaped like Vicodin. I went to him looking for anything with codeine in it—Tylenol 3s, 4s, but they gave me these blue pills. They told me, Take these, these are just like Vicodin, only they’re easier on your liver. I remember taking one in the car on the way home, and I was like, Whoa, this is f**kin’ great. I didn’t even ask what it was. I’m like, This makes you mellow and it’s easier on your liver? I got a new drug of choice.

Within a day or two I was back askin’ for more. This time I probably got 15 to 20 of ’em. I think that day I took half. Toward the evening, I remember not being able to get out of bed. I literally couldn’t move. People said that I was actin’ weird that day—actin’ real slow and s**t.

I think I slept from 3 in the afternoon ’til 10 o’clock. That’s when I remember waking up and I couldn’t move. I was like, f**k it, I’ll just lay here. I woke up the next day at noon. I literally slept all the way from 3, 4 in the afternoon ’til noon the next day.

So I get up and I’m like, Okay well, I’m straight…I’m gonna take more. I took half the first day, then I took another half the second day. And the last thing I remember is trying to use the bathroom. I remember standing up to take a piss and I just fell over backward. Smack my back on the trash can, break the trash can. And I get up again, and this time I fall over the other way, to the side. I remember that the bathroom floor was cold. And I remember trying to crawl over to a rug. I got to the rug, and that’s the last thing that I remember. There are some things I have to keep to myself when telling this part of the story for personal reasons.

I woke up in the hospital. The doctor told me those mysterious new pills were methadone, which is used to wean heroin addicts off dope. Had I known it was methadone, I probably wouldn’t have taken it. But as bad as I was back then, I can’t even say 100 percent for sure.

I wasn’t only depressed about Proof, I was depressed about my music in general. All I was taking was downers, strictly sedatives. My mood made my music depressing. And in turn, the depressing music made my mood depressed. My brain was thinking slow. My flow, my cadence, everything was just slow. Every record that I made was, Woe is me, and my life is so f**ked and everything is wrong....

I overdosed, and I was in the hospital for a week detoxing. My doctor told me the amount of methadone I’d taken was equivalent to shooting up four bags of heroin. Even when they told me I almost died, it didn’t click. I was pretty much in a coma for two days. All I remember was just peacefully sleeping and waking up in the hospital like, What the f**k is going on? There’s tubes in me, there’s all kinds of s**t in me.

When you’re told you almost died, in an addict’s brain, this particular addict was thinking, Well I didn’t die, so I’m okay. WHEW! I got lucky. Thank you, God. God, please just please get me through this and I’ll never use again. But lo and behold…

The official word was I had pneumonia. Thing is, I really did have pneumonia; I had taken so many pills that my immune system wasn’t functioning right. They told me that if I’d gotten to the hospital two hours later, I would have died, because I f**ked my kidneys and liver up so bad. My kidneys had almost completely shut down. They were ready to put me on dialysis. -Eminem

PEACE

S

-Just as an FYI incase you didn't know because I didn't until I got Relapse last summer that in the mist of all of his drug use he had lost his very Best Friend from childhood, Proof. They both resided in Detroit together, grew up together, and worked together since they both started rapping in their teens. They also were in the group D-12 together. If you listen to every interview, every mag article, a lot of songs on Recovery, that Eminem is still horrible grieving I feel and states that Proof that was the only person who got him. Feels lost without his Best Friend who was tragically killed in 2006.

Eminem spoke at his best friend Proof's funeral where he said "without Proof, there would be no Eminem, no Slim Shady and no D12." The service sheet said the two men shared the "friendship of a lifetime."

He also dedicated the album Relapse to Proof but only mentioned him a few times in the album, unlike Recovery where he is mentioned heavily in almost every track and even if he's not mentioned in a track you can still feel that this album is his therapeutic way of trying to still figure out life without him.

Relapse Album Dedication to Proof-

Proof,

No matter how much time passes, not a day goes by that I don't think of you.

If it weren't for you, I would not be where I am today and we both know it.

I tried to write song for you but nothing was good enough,

so I'm dedicating them all to you-and you'd be happy to know that I spazzed out

on 'em gain! I know you wouldn't have it any other way! Fuck 'em all--let's get 'em!

P.S. I'm sober now, I know you'd be proud.

I love you Doody, I'll never forget you.

Love, Doody

We're in Recovery Yo Part II

As one of my favorite friends once said about rehab centers and hospitals, "So was everyone like real fucked in the head there? Pretty crazy? Ohh good cause I feel much more relaxed around those I can relate to." And why do you think Eminem is so relatable? Because he's always been "out there", never held one thought back, rhymed about topics that were never thought to be talked about, and now he comes to us with an insane, truthful, honest account of his way through the darkness of depression, drug abuse, and hopelessness; Only to show us that it can be done, even though it may be the most difficult thing you do, and he's there with these two albums, his interviews, and his strength to help current and recovering addicts stay strong. I think what he did is heroic in a sense. And I'm sure those who have "been there" are there with me on that.



THIS ALBUM IS DEDICATED 2 ANYONE WHO'S IN A DARK PLACE
TRYIN' 2 GET OUT, KEEP YOUR HEAD UP....
IT DOES GET BETTER!-recovery 2010

I did a lot of research on Eminem lately because I won't act like I was a huge fan cause I wasn't and I wanted to write these pieces about him with full knowledge, and love. I respected him as a musician and especially as a lyricist but his name would never pop out when asked what my favorite music was as it would today. Chronic and Chronic 2001 were my rap albums and Snoop and Dre, to me, were like gods to me.(still are) Eminem's 1st album came out the same year as Britney. All the boys would rap Em all day and all the girls would sing Brit. hahaha. Then 1 song really captured my attention and that was Stan which I consider to be one of the best pieces of work done by an artist ever. But other than that, yes I enjoyed dancing to his music in bars or listen to while driving, but nothing too crazy. Now skip 10 years later and a recent trip to rehab, I was introduced to him again. My friend is insanely obsessed with Eminem. Almost equal to my obsession to Britney. So when he told me to go get this album I put it off for a while. My friend and I both had both gotten out of rehab about umm 1 & 1/4 years ago if you want to round it. He's got like 6 months on me. But he started to tell me what Eminem was going through and it hit me soo hard I went out and got Relapse that day.

I REALLY REALLY dislike when people have neg. feelings about that album. Or even when Eminem says it is "ehh". Relapse helped me in soo many ways that I cannot even count! And I know that Em knows that putting Relapse out there like that did help people and even saved a lot of lives. Relapse as a whole is just insane. Insanely amazing! He uses this magnificent other voice as this crazy serial killer and rappist then went into intense songs about getting better or maybe getting worse again. I can see how people wouldn't see this as their favorite Emimen album but to me and all the others trying to get better, trying to get out of the dark, falling back into your cycle, and just trying to understand what the F is going on with you......well then this album will speak the world to you. To me, this album got to me just when I needed it. Besides my friend, I truly didn't have anyone else who understood how hard this all was. How my life changed overnight. I was lost and had trouble figuring out who the hell I was supposed to be now? No ones perfect and I think that was a completely normal reaction to what I had been through. Eminem states in a recent interview that "if I didn't have pills to fall back on, I would have been a full blown alcoholic for sure." I had and knew the same issue well. So in the recovery process down the road, I began on my mission to quit drinking and am actually enjoying it. Relapse touches on his alcohol abuse and not anywhere near his issues with a few certain pharmacutical drugs imparticular; Valium, Ambien, and Vicoden.

Another statement/which is actually a fact, that Em brought up in an interview was "The more depressed I got the more drugs I took, and the more drugs I took the more depressed I got." Yep, pretty much how that works. Uhh to all my friends who read this might sounds a tad familiar. All of this started with a sleeping problem that he had had developed. He began taking ambien. After the ambien combined with his large NyQuil addiction, started to not work he started using Valium. Now after a while that didn't work so he started taking Vicoden. He stuck with that mixture for a while. I won't comment on those 3 drugs and the OTC bottles of NyQuil but I will say I developed a serious case of insomnia in '07 that no matter what, and I mean no matter what I took, no matter what combo I tried; I never was able to sleep. I actually will say that this was one of the worst periods in my life. I finally went and got help and haven't had it back again until currently. It's my life and I just deal. I can date back to starting at about 15 years old getting bouts of Insomnia. It feels like you are starting to lose your mind when you go for months on only about 2 hours of sleep a day. (my doctor gave me whatever I wanted cause she felt so bad but I got nothing out of it but an addiction to xanax) You just want to sleep. Even for one night. And the sleep never comes. Someone who was suffering from insomnia wasn't that lucky and took just about what I was taking at the time but add in an oxy. Heath Ledger never woke up. That was a huge wake up call for me. Right around the same time, Marshall Mathers OD'd as well but was found in time and saved.

Eminem didn't OD on his ambien, vics, or benzos alone but actually something else he was given after being told the drug was just like a vic. And it truly blows what happened but you know how somethings happen for a reason.......well I kinda wanna say that if he didn't have this horrific experience, well then the world still might not have him and his wonderful talent back yet.
See me and you we almost had the same outcome Heath
Cuz that christmas you know the pneumonia thing
It was bolognya was it the methadone ya think? -deja vu

"Don't let em' say you ain't beautiful, They can all get fucked just stay true to you"-beautiful

Peace & Love
S

"So dark and so cold, my friends dont know this other side of me. There's a monster inside of me that's quite ugly, it's frightening me!" -stay wide awake

Recovery YO Pt. I

I am sorry for my absence. I have no excuses. I am weak right now and writing outside of what only I can see, seems very difficult. But I'm gonna give it a shot and we'll take it from there. Seems appropriate to pick myself up and make some changes when this week we will celebrate the album release of Recovery by Marshall Mathers(Eminem). If you don't already own Relapse, we'll be covering a couple tracks on there as well. If you look into my archives and read the blog from the beginning you will see what this blog is truly about. It's about my struggles before and after rehab and my journey on becoming this new person. You can pretty much see when I am having good times and when I am having bad times. You can also notice my recovery status by the music that is mentioned in my writing. More than anything in the world, sitting in a room with a pen and paper and my music, is usually my favorite place to be. There's something about being alone with your thoughts and just letting yourself actually feel, is something that is very moving. Because as you know, many of us recovering addicts, always want to still be numb and feel nothing.

Tonight I would like to talk about addictions. Addictions that you pick up to make you focus on something that distracts you from whats going on in your real world. Something that makes you forget. Makes you feel that your "new" addictions are all that matter. Something else to completely consume your mind. And the best part is that all of your addiction are in YOUR control. Nobody can mess with them. They are yours and life can't pop in, steal them, wreck them, or ruin them for you. But the addictions can ruin you. They can steal and lie to you, and ultimately kill you. I'm not saying that all addictions are bad because they are not, but nothing should ultimately run your minute to minute thoughts. That's when you know your in a bad place.

Addiction is a chronic relapsing brain disease. Brain imaging shows that addiction severely alters brain areas critical to decision-making, learning and memory, and behavior control, which may help to explain the compulsive and destructive behaviors of addiction. (www.hbo.com/addiction)

*I love/hate this definition. Very true and straight to the point but can also lead those who don't know thinking that people with addictions are uneducated and dumb. Some of my favorite artists, musicians, dancers, actors, therapists, etc. were all addicts and they are some of the most genius individuals in the world. Especially the man we are dedicating this week to.....Marshall Mathers.

What I want to say is that addictions are things you do to avoid or try to numb what is going on with or around you. In the addiction process, or most likely before, you will experience depression. To me, everything stems from a depressive state of mind. You are hurting inside but you found something that numbs it for you. For a while you are fine then it comes on like a lighting bolt and you are a full on addict and what you used to control how you felt now controls you. It's a horrible experience and those who have been through it are really the only ones that understand what it feels like or why you chose that. Addiction is also a disease of the brain where you can see, we'll use alcohol for example, figure #1 have three drinks and stop for the next hour till he goes home, or you can have figure #2 that cannot stop drinking once started and will proceed to drink the entire night.

I'm not going to proceed to write down what substances stood in my way but I will say my best friends don't even know some. And if you look through these writings I bet you can figure out or at least get an idea of some. I'm not ashamed nor am I quiet about everything. But those are my memories and don't really feel like having story time right now. None of this is fun and none of this is easy. It's a horrendous process. The addiction, the rehabilitation, the recovery and all the many "slips" and "relapses" that will come and go throughout this life long battle. For some reason this was given to me and as the old saying goes "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle, but I wish he didn't trust me so much." I will say this much about addicts and that is-We ARE the strong ones and WE are the fighters.

**those who do not know much about the subject please visit www.hbo.com/addiction where you can learn literally everything you've ever wanted to know, print out pages, and even watch documentaries from addicts themselves.
Peace and Love

S