Love is the One Wild Card

More than I should, I do something very wrong in my life. I take things for granted. That's really hard to admit because although I do admit my faults to my readers because I believe we all need to learn it and hear it from somewhere, it's hard to come to terms when you realize something like this about yourself. This is the 1st time I have taken for granted being with my family, and really just being alive for a while now because it wasn't too long ago when staying alive didn't look to promising. I now wake up everyday, say the serenity prayer, smile, and get out of bed. I also thank God for getting me through another night and than I begin my day. I have to live differently now...strict meal plan, no alcohol, therapy, doctors, and blood work are a part of my normal vocabulary. Now being as healthy and wonderful feeling as I am most of the time, I have LEARNED to think very positively. Not something I was used to. I was a highly negative person but I was not even in the right state of mind so I hope everyone can forgive me for those years.

There is one thing though that I never let go of through all these years, even when I was in a crippling depression, and it was to chase my dreams. Without dreams what do you really have? A lot of people give up, say they couldn't do it, or took an easier route out. But then there are the dreamers that no matter what I'm going to get my fucking dream and I don't care how hard I have to fight. Maybe it's the crazy people that do this, maybe it's just a very strong willed person, maybe it's the person next door to you that draws everyday and keeps it a secret but to them they are living their dream and actually preparing for an art show coming up. We have no idea why people do things and no idea why people keep doing things after they continuously fail. I unfortunately am a dreamer.

Actually let me say that again, I'm proud to be a dreamer. And I have been rejected a million times. But I didn't stop. I've had the same dream since I was little and it's always stuck to me and there will be hell if I if do not reach it. Pure hell! Are any of you guys like that. Like you love something soo much that you can't imagine your life without it? Did you give up on it at one point? I did. I wanted to just go kick it at a normal college and be a kid. I am soo happy with that decision I made and although I may be in a wholeeeee different place in my life right now, I wouldn't have met the people who made me who I am today. See how things all fall correctly? I met the people that have been with me through thick and thin by making a choice to go to a football school, train minimally, and just have fun. And that's when I literally Thank God every evening for placing these beautiful souls in front of me. They have saved my life a thousand times over and continue to do so even if they don't know it. Now they are my heart. And it makes me even more fearless to know that I have people there to celebrate with if I get a gig or cry with when I just wasn't right for whatever the reason.


Then comes "but if I only had this and I could only do that" well people you gotta work with what you have and a lot of successful people started out with absolutely NOTHING. Just a skip, hop, some hope, and a dream. Crazy but true. Now that I have moved to L.A. I REALLY see what people do when they are trying to make it. My ex roomie is an out of work Actor that graduated from Julliad that can barely make rent, works at a pizza parlor for minimum wage and often says he's ready to give it up. But does he? Hell no! He's in it to win it and that's why I love him soo much. Faith takes a large part in this also. You have to have that faith, and the belief that you are the best for this job/gig/commercial/whatever you may be shooting for because without that your not getting the job. Also, if you believe in God, let me tell you, he can help you with anything, even things you never thought you could do. And the more you fail, to me anyways, the stronger you get.

You must be Fearless. And most importantly, don't take a thing for granted. We have very short lives. Weeks, months, and years fly by. Love more than you thought you could ever love, do what you want to do-not what others want you to do so they can fulfill their dream within you, smile at a constant, wake up next to your lover and be thankful you met such a wonderful person who makes you just light up inside, GIVE GIVE GIVE, don't let the days fly by until you can write "TGIF" on your fb status, if you are unhappy then leave, there are other opportunities out there and little signs that will lead you to where you should be, travel, live in as many places as you want, be spontaneous, if you fail try again, and most importantly...love yourself. You are beautiful so let the world see how bright you can shine!!!


"To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."
-Taylor Swift



Thank you guys for letting me pursue one of my own dreams which is just writing this little blog. I love to write and I love writing for you.
Peace, Love, & Fearless
S

You & I Walk A Fragile Line

Subject: truth

Dear *************,

I have to write you this or I would truly regret it. 1st off I hope you had a good day and everything was okay mentally and physically. That's what I care about the most. Due to me changing my flight, I have had endless hours to over analyze things and well all I have been doing is thinking of you. I love how we are now and the wonderful relationship I believe I tricked myself into thinking we have. While going back I've taken a look at the past 7 months. I thought for once we had it all figured out and we're on the same page. We don't fight anymore, we look to each other for advise, to laugh and cry to, it was all perfect. But it was a lie. I see it clear now and I feel horrible about myself that I let this go on and that you would do this to me, whether you realized it or not. Taking it back to August and to now, mid-January, there is not one single time that you have seen me just to see me. Yeah we've spent tons of time together and endless hours, if we are not together, on the phone but maybe you took it too far. Every last single time, and this makes me soo sad, you wanted to see me you always got ****************************. I'm the fool in this situation. I should have seen this pattern a long long time ago. You would always plan things with me and half the time you were not to be found, passed out, or lying to me. I didn't let it bother me and I knew you were sick so I always let it go. I can't let it go any further though.

After spending the past few days with you this weekend you kept repeating that you needed me and how you wished I wasn't leaving this week so I could stay in Pittsburgh with you for just a bit longer. I threw it out there that maybe I should change my flight and you were all for it. So excited you were that I was going to stay and be there with you. And I would have never thought twice. When someone I love someone that is going through a rough patch and needs me, I am there. I knew you would have done the same. I changed my flight and you were so excited for me and here I am, alone, not even helping do anything for you, 3 days after I should have left. I haven't even seen you since the afternoon we left your apartment. You asked me to stay for this weekend imparticular and I haven't even seen or heard from you today. I REALLY just want what is best for you so if you being at home right now, instead of us going to hide out at your apt, it does not bother me at all. I'm not selfish in that matter but I believe you were selfish when you brought up me leaving and how you needed me and then didn't. And you, of all people,you knew I had to get to L.A. more than anyone. We both know that that pittsburgh is bad for us.

Also as the old saying goes "actions speak louder than words", I always here how much I am to you and all these wonderful things from you but you never show me. And by showing I don't mean doing anything with money. I mean just maybe, just anything, to show in a way other than words how much I have done for you, really means to you. It could be a letter, a flower, a big kiss and a hug, a special day for me. Anything really. I go over and beyond to show you in actions how much I care. I know you care, don't get me wrong, but sometimes the way you care for me actually hurts. I look dumb. Friendships/Relationships work both ways. You put in what you get and well I put in a lot into our relationship because you mean soooo much to me, *************, you just have no idea. It saddens me that sometimes you can't say I love you back when we hang up at night or thank me everytime when I save you from another mishap that you have made.

As you can see this letter is far from anything mean. I actually cried throughout writing it. I can't believe I didn't pick up on these things before. I'm the stupid one not you. I just really hope you can explain it somehow even though it's pretty black and white or have a way to make it up to me this week so I know that this wonderful friendship (I look to you as one of my best friends, a person I adore, and can be with forever and never want to go), is what we believe. I have feelings just like you do. We've been through some really crappy things together the last 8 years and we always make it back to help eachother through the next. Regardless of this letter, we do have a promise(many promises) to eachother, and with that I will never not have your back. Stay strong darling and I'll see you in *********.

Love,
Sarah
(this was an actual letter written and sent by me in January 2011)

Your Guard is Up, and I Know Why....

I'm home right now in Pittsburgh, PA. Where it is currently(haha j/k, I meant permanently) raining, cold, dark, and dreary. While having a little time to go through my photo albums and boxes of books that couldn't make the move, I pulled out my 12 Step Book. Now not that I believe the 12 Steps work or don't work(I think that is up to you on how you wish to recover), but I do STRONGLY agree in Step 8 and 9! We'll get to that in a minute. I spent over half a year helping someone who used and abused me to death.....okay I'll take away the abuse.....no let's actually keep that in there because you did abuse me in the sense that I was on this earth to help them. Me, being the kind soul I unfortunately am, will basically help absolutely anyone who asks. I've been to hell and back a few times so I know what it's like and you sure do need that shoulder to cry on and a confidant who will never tell your secrets. So there I was helping, worrying, crying when they would disappear to go on a bender for a couple days and not tell me, and pretty much just walked all over. Being the state that they were in, I know from my personal experiences, they did not mean or even know that they were treating me this way. Anyways lets move on.

Back to Step 8 please-make a list of all persons we have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all. DING DING DING!!!! Now that your sanity is restored I just have a little question.....where in the world is my letter? I'm completely being real right now and I'm feeling tonight and I want to know where the heck is my letter or my (9.)Direct Amends. Phone call??? And I wouldn't be going through any of this with my readers and the person this is directed to if I didn't have almost the exact same issues. I know we love and care for each other very much soo but when should I start to feel hurt from the lack of acknowledgement? Here's some tips dear on how you can fix this all up!

Dear Sarah,
Thank you for helping me through the worst part of my life and always being there for me. You helped SAVE MY LIFE.
Sincerely,
Blank

Done. Soo easy but I mean I would hope you'd have more to say than that but just that would be kind and recognizing Step 8&9 in the 12 Steps. Or even maybe like a "Thank you for keeping me out of even more trouble I could have got into and for ALWAYS helping me out financially. Ohh and keeping a huge secret that you could only talk to your therapist about." Love, BLANK

Either way done and done. I am soo proud of you and even more proud that you have found happiness. Not a day goes by when you don't run though my mind at one time or another. But this is how I am when I am in this town. Let's just say I am excited to get back to LA because at least there I focus on myself. I live to give others advice on some of the things I have went through, what it takes it pick it all back up, and how to live minute by minute-day by day. But I guess I did something wrong. Yes, I probably babied you too much but hey what else was I supposed to do? You were on a very low maturity level at the time and that's what I thought was best. I HATE tough love so I don't use it.

So my best suggestion is to hull ass to Hallmark, pick up a card and just let me know that you appreciated everything I have done. Your ********* have my address.

That's it. And you know what, I highly doubt I would be even thinking of this if I weren't in pgh. You and I both know how wonderful it is to escape from the past and start fresh. I hope you are somewhere gorgeous and the sun is always shining. Like we had planned before, you know you can always come where I am and stay for a year or two there. You're soo freaking sweet that I cannot be mad. This is more of a protocol thing. You know I don't ever have it in me to be mean to you.

With that all said, I am now going to go watch on Demand my favorite episode of Glee. It's titled Grilled Cheesus. Everyone watch it if you haven't already. It's one of my all time favorite episodes. Okay totally way off the subject there but do watch it! Moving on....

Everyone do not forget to say your prayers and keep your spirituality high. There is never a gift that is as precious as being happy and healthy so for all of you that are please remember that is a true blessing. I know you're there now.

Love & Loyalty

S

For Every Kid Who Still Feels Like I Feel

BELIEVE




LOVE

Bravery Never Goes Out Of Style

I am very impressed by this adorable young Disney star. Eighteen year old, Demi Lovato, has been very brave and opened up to her fans and viewers about some personal problems she has been facing. Instead of hiding or lying like most, Demi has stepped up and spoke to America about the many issues that are kept hush hush around Hollywood, and hopefully helping those who do keep their problems in the dark be able to open up. Having such a role model will hopefully lead to more young adults stepping up and speaking about the troubles they may be going through and the diseases that are kept quiet.

After all the talk of Catherine Zeta Jones speaking up about being Bipolar, a younger very wise woman followed in her footsteps. Demi Lovato, star of Disney's 'Sonny With A Chance', talked about her recent experience in treatment. Suffering from depression, anorexia, bulimia, and cutting; Demi found out in her latest treatment that she was also Bipolar. Not only does she live with these issues everyday, Demi was one of the bravest 18 year old I know by speaking up about it. It's very hard at that age to talk to others about such topics and with her doing so hopefully more teens and young adults will feel much more ease talking about their own illnesses.

She battled with depression from a very young age along with her love/hate relationship with food. Cutting was also something she did to ease the pain inside. While getting 3 months of in-patient treatment for her eating disorder, she also found out that she suffers from the disease Bipolar. "I never found out until I went into treatment that I was bipolar. Looking back it makes sense. There were times when I was so manic, I was writing seven songs in one night and I'd be up until 5.30 in the morning." Now she is undergoing treatment for her diagnosis and feels that what is most important to her at this time is to help others. She is wise and brave beyond her years. Demi, in my book, is a true superstar in every right!!!

If you are a new reader to "And Who Are You Again", this is first and foremost a place that I created to talk openly about my own disorders and let others come and read and hopefully discuss or write to me in private about the mental diseases they may be facing or have been already diagnosed. After I left treatment two years ago I immediately went into wanting to express myself, my very imperfect self, to people which lead to a lot of readers opening up to me, giving both of us a place to talk and vent. Living with cutting, addiction, eating disorder due to nerves, panic disorder, and being bipolar II, sure isn't easy. But I am very free about it. You can ask me just about anything and I am more than willing to help. This year for my birthday I raised $270 through facebook for the cause "Suicide Prevention and Awareness". That is very dear to my heart with chronic depression being so prevalent in my life. I did not know who Demi Lovato was until yesterday but to me she is a hero for speaking up and helping others be okay with what they may be suffering from. You do not have to have a mental disorder to help either. If you know or have known anyone that is/was ill from a mental disease or even if you do not, you can take the 1st step in gaining knowledge on the subjects and bring awareness to others. Living with these disorders is not a walk in the park and you will, even when in control, have a handful of bad days. On the bright side though you, well I know I did, become VERY VERY strong. I feel as though I can take on anything now from what I have been through beginning at 15. I would love to hear from you if any of you ever need to talk or just get something out. It's no fun living a lie and the first step is admitting you have a problem, which is the most difficult thing you will have to do. Thank you to Demi, Catherine, and the others that are in the spotlight for speaking up and making it a tad easier for others to do so as well.

PEACE & LOVE
S

Forever the Name on My Lips

There is this song I have been listening to on repeat tonight. It's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard and as soon as I heard it for the first time it immediately reminded me of someone. As I was packing up to move across the country I realized I still had soo many of his clothes. I even had one of his shirts on at that exact moment. I took it off and don't want the memories to go with me. Right now they are sitting in a garbage bag in my room but the memories started to haunt me. It ultimately all began when I had just turned 25, seems ages ago, and he had strep throat and couldn't make it to my birthday party. This was a friend of mine and we really didn't plan of this happening but you can't control attraction. I eventually fell in love with him. I just found out yesterday that he and his girlfriend, who I like a lot, are getting an apartment. I don't know why but for a second I felt hurt. It was brief but it did occur. I don't have any feelings for this man anymore but I still have love for him as a friend. And I think that's all it was. I snapped out of it real fast. I am in love with someone else who is just wonderful but I couldn't help go back in time.........


I still remember the look on your face
Been through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered for just us to know
You told me you loved me so why did you go away, go away

I do recall now the smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane
That July 9th the beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt, I can still feel your arms

But now I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

I do remember the swing of your step
The life of the party, you're showing off again
And I roll my eyes and then you pulled me in
I'm not much for dancing but for you did

Because I loved your handshake, meeting my father
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something
There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions

And I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips, ohh

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I'll feel you forget me like I use to feel you breathe
And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are

And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed
We can plan for a change in weather and time
I never planned on you changing your mind

So, I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss

I never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
Just like our last kiss, forever the name on my lips
Forever the name on my lips, just like our last...

I just want you to know that I am soo happy we had what we had for the time we had it. I wish the best to you and who ever may end up with. You'll always have a place in my heart. It's sooo weird because things weren't always smooth, of course you know they couldn't be, and I always wonder if we started out on a different foot what may have happened? I wrote you the other night to say goodbye and you never wrote back. I understand. I hope you get a chance to read this. Never thought we'd have a last kiss......

Love, Sarah

We Had Found It. Fake Fendi Paradise.

I have confession and I am dying to share it. I've been doing it for six years and I think it's time I came clean. when I see a bag that I love and cannot live without I first ask to try it on then examine the bags insides(that's what really matters) and do a little quick estimation of the measurements. I then look at the price tag. Ahh $2,400 again! Why, why, why does this keep happening to me? It's called expensive taste and well there's nothing I can do about that. The smell, and gorgeous soft lambskin, the stunning hardware......I just fiend for it. I HAVE to have it. So here's what I have been keeping from most of you-besides by friends of course-I have a handful of fake bags. Can you tell? Absolutely not. There is an art to getting a good fake and it especially does NOT involve a trip to Canal Street. It involves precise information, measurements, serial numbers, color of lining, and of course making sure the outside of the bag has the correct color, layers, and precise placement of label if there is one. I'm going to show you some of my favorite bags. Some I have, some I do not. I am ONLY showing you the fake ones and helping you do what I have a great talent in doing; Being able to get a fake that looks even better than the real. It takes practice but I promise you can do it too and I am here to help! It's also important that you have a couple REAL bags in your collection too. You don't want to look like a fake bag only kinda girl! I can never tell my reals from my fakes so believe me I sure do know what I am going here.



Let's being with my 1st love and my 1st fake purchase. The Balenciaga. After doing tons of research and getting everything right I soon received my favorite bag I have ever bought(it really is and I still wear it constantly up until today!). My Red large motorcycle de lix. I purchased in February of 2005. These beautiful pieces of art fun anywhere from around $1,400-$2,300. Mine? $276

After I fell in love even more after I purchased the Red one I later went on and by the fall I had the bag in a large White and a medium Deep Blue.



Now onto the Valentino's. I hadn't thought much about Valentino's until we received a small collection in my Nordstrom. I instantly was blown away as soon as I put this patent leather Red bow clutch in my hand one day. It's been love ever since. I do not currently have a Valentino but it's on my "to get next" list. Enjoy the beauty below.







Onto a bag that I just HAD TO HAVE. I have a fairy obsession and I think I saw this in person at my Sak's a long long time ago and just KNEW instantly it had to be mine. I got all the information about the Prada and took a photograph in my head. later on that night the bag was being ordered through my favorite site in Sept. of '07. It's a magical bag and I'm sure most of you have seen it with my in my photos because I use it like it's going out of style!







Now not only do I love my fairy bag but there are a few others by Prada that are to die and on my list to get get soon! Enjoy.









Ohh soo pretty......Moving on though. This next bag I had just purchased. We have a store here in Pittsburgh, PA that surprisingly carries Givenchy bags. One time while I was at Burberry I saw the most interesting bag that looked like the leather was just about to melt into butter it was so subtle. I asked where she had had gotten the bag and who it was by and she told me it was Givenchy and from then on I wanted a Givenchy like no tomorrow. As you can see my most of my choices here, there is nothing i hate more than labels all over your bag. If you have a nice bag believe me people can tell. There is no need to stamp CD or LV or the Gucci label all over it. It's tacky and gross. So I just bought this and am expecting it any day now. The photo is in the pebble leather but I ordered in in lambskin. Perfect everyday huge black bag! I got it for $180 instead of the $2,200 it goes for.





I just want to show you these because they are just fabulous and my Chloe wallet that i have been using for 6 years really needs a replacement so I decided the new Tory Burch continental wallet was the way to go. I was going to just spend the $200 and get it directly from Tory Burch but then while looking on my site I found the wallet ranging from $35-$85 plus shipping. Total score. Don't you just love???





I'm still in the mist of the Neon Orange or the beautiful shade of Blue. What do you guys think?

Okay now here is what you have all been waiting for. My special websites that I know do a great job and are sent to you directly from lovely China where this is what they do for a living. Every stitch is in it's place and the leather is to die. I haven't ever received something that was not perfect so that's why I think you all should know about this. The key though is to get the higher price point. If you see the bag selling for $125 by one seller and $205 from another seller, believe me there is a reason. Spend that extra money and get the better quality. Here are my two favorite links:

http://www.ioffer.com/ & www.dforeplicahandbags.com/

All Balenciaga's please purchase through the DFO site. He is amazing and yes they do cost around $200-$300+ they are worth every penny. For everything else try ioffer. So many sellers! See who you like and like I said NEVER get the cheap stuff. You'll want to throw it away anyways so put the money into it. Owning a mixture of fake and real bags, I believe is the way to go. If you have any questions at all on how to get the measurements, see the inside of the real, or just anything at all.....please message me!

Peace & Balenciaga, Prada, Valentino, Givenchy, and Tory

S

You Got the Power to Let Power Go...

**It hurts but I never show, this pain you'll never know
If only you could see just how lonely and how cold
And frostbit I've become, my backs against the wall
When push come to shove I just stand up and scream 'Fuck them all'** -drop the world

2011 Must Haves

10. Eat, Drink, and Be Merry. There is way to much pressure to be thin, not eat good fried food, not drink alcoholic beverages, not go to happy hour with friends but rather go to the fucking gym. This is BULLSHIT! Do whatever you want. Life is short. ENJOY it. If you don't want to go to the gym then don't. If you want that McDonalds Big Mac then have it. Being thin, eating lettuce, and living at the gym 6 hours a day does NOT = Happiness!!!

9. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. We all get stuck in such a scheduled boring life that most of us forget to live a little or live at all. Go out and date someone who is the opposite of your usual. Dye your 6 different colors in a year(I don this all the time). Be mysterious. And never be that person that other people can automatically know your entire schedule of what you will be doing all week. Wake up, Work, Gym, Shower, and 2 hours of Television will KILL YOU. Leave it while you can.

8. Change your Career. There is nothing worse then being stuck doing something we do not like or ever imagined doing. Go back to when you used to have big dreams for yourself. If you have to, go all the way back to when you were a child. As crazy as this may sound, most of us know what we want to do from a very young age. Those of us doing something about it......maybe 1%. Don't be in that 99%. Look around at all the opportunities available and start making it happen. Don't be scared to leave your job. The only thing that is scarier is staying at your job unhappy.

7. Get Involved in a Charity That You believe In. There is literally nothing better than giving back. I don't even mean money wise. Even though being able to donate a couple thousand is a great stride, doing work for the charity and getting involved with those who it is for is even better. I have always wanted to work for Make-A-Wish. Although I tried numerous times to get a job with Make-A-Wish(the Pittsburgh/WV chapter), I never actually just volunteered for the cause. can you imagine the joy that will be brought to you and the young terminally ill child when you get to tell them that their wish has been granted? It must be one of the greatest highs you can get. Just remember whatever you do-Giving is always more rewarding than getting.

6. Be Spontaneous. This gets harder to do the older we get. I've noticed I'm not even that spontaneous anymore when I used to live by the words of Jonathan Larson "No Day But Today". It's never to let to get it back though. We do only have 1 day. No one knows what will occur tomorrow. And REALLY no one knows whats going to happen in the future. Sitting in your safe zone and going through the motions everyday, isn't living! Go and do the tings you really want to do. before you know it you'll be 50 years old with no great memories to tell your children. Nothing is worse than being boring.

5. Let Go of Your Heart. Don't ever hold back when it comes to love. Love fully and give your all. Yes, we all get nervous to let ourselves go sometimes when it comes to falling head first into love but it's just something you have to do. Don't be scared and if you get hurt, you get hurt. My heart has been broken a lot but you know what? I wouldn't change a damn thing about it. To love someone is the best feeling in the world. Being loved and cared about back is the other best feeling on earth. Live in the moment and say "I love you". As the old saying goes "It is better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all". Always remember this!

4. Be You. Why are we always trying to change for others? Why do we feel like we need others approval to belong? Society and the media built these rules about if we look this way, act that way, and follow these guidelines that life will just be that much sweeter. While in all reality it's actually making your life that much more sour. What happened to just being happy with just who we are? I refuse to give in to what is "supposed" to be. I am what I am and I won't and don't ever want to change that. I love myself for who I am and I hope you all do to. There is no time to try to impress others just to "fit in" when you are really just fabulous the way you are. Never change for anyone!

3. Have Fun. With everything so uptight these days(ex; not being aloud to have a fucking cheeseburger and coke when you want to because you're scared of getting fat), we all need to loosen up these days. Have fun in all spectrum's of your life. Love like crazy, stay up all night dancing the night away with your girlfriends, laugh soo hard that you cry, and always remember "no one makes the rules but you!" I think we have all in a way forgot about fun. We are soo absorbed in money, materialistic things, and beating out on our peers on who can have the most 1st, that we lost the fact that when old and reflecting; a Benz, how many pairs of Christian Louboutin's you have, and the size of your house, are not going to even come to mind. What does come to mind is the time and the fun you had with family and friends and the many many memories happy memories you have.

2. Lose Yourself. Put your all into what your are doing and have the crazy kind of passion that you usually only read about. Throw yourself into your dreams. 100% or nothing. Make it yours. You can do whatever you want but in order to do that and fulfill what you desire you have to "Lose Yourself" in the process. In a matter of times you'll slowly forget about the way you used to do things. You sometimes only get one shot so use the passion and love you have to get what or whom you want. Never hold back!

1. Best Friends. Over the past year and a half I have had this blog I ALWAYS, every month, make sure that at the top of the "Must Haves" list that Best Friends is always number one. I don't know about you guys but my best friends are my saviors, my life, my passion, my fun, my spontaneity, and my loves. Without my everyday talks with the people most important in my life, I don't know how I'd survive. I've always been extremely lucky and had many friends but it's those ones that are like family and can finish your sentences that are the best. I love my family and friends more than I love myself. And i don't even care if that's incorrect behavior because to me, without them, there would be no me. Love, help, cry, laugh, and sing at the top of your lungs with them! Friendships are sooo magical. They are your angels on earth. Be there for the good and the bad. Never judge them EVER! You are very blessed to have these people in your life! I love you to all of my angels. Thank you, thank you!

Peace & Love

S

For an Endless Song That Never Starts

I'm Completely Falling

But You Beat Me Down

Must You Always Win

Teasing With Your Evil Heart

Crawling Through Cobwebs of Mess

I Feel Your Lips

I'm So High On This Ground

Why Am I Still Down

P&L
S

I'm Like Still, Y'all Don't Know Me, Shit!

Ohh lovely blog how you've grown over the year. Went from 0 to over 1,000 peeps now. Thank you sooo much from the bottom of my heart and Happy Fuckin' New Year!!!


So let's reflect. That's what you do when a new year begins.....right? Well let's try it. 2010 was an okay year. Nothing great. Nothing horrible. Just okay. When I began 2010, I believe I was a little down. Nothing tragic or anything I've felt in the past but just a little down. Cause=Unknown. Going into this year I don't feel down at all, but actually very joyful and positive. I've learned a lot this year I guess you can say. And, once again, I had to grow very thick skin and fight. Something I'm beginning to get used to. My trust has been horribly battered and I have a hard time opening up to people now. You'll see why in a little. Let's begin with the okay things......


I was very honored to be in and watch two of my best friends get married. Those days were just shining and everything was magic! I am that bridesmaid that will cry the ENTIRE ceremony. NEVER thought I would be that girl. We all know my thoughts on weddings and how I am just not the big wedding type, but ohh to see my best friends do it is just a breath taking experience. All of the showers, and bachlorette party's, and vaca's kept me pretty busy. And that's what I portrayed....a busy busy girl. But in all reality, I was anything but busy. I was actually overwhelmingly bored. Bored to death. I wanted to move, but to where I didn't know. DC, Charlotte, Baltimore, had all been on the list for a while but I never LOVED those cities. I loved the people in them but didn't feel that "now this is for me" ever while I was in them. I may even like Pittsburgh, PA better and we all know how I feel about Pittsburgh and how it gives me the chills and nausea when i am in it! So I did something really random. I called up(ok not really hahaha. I facebook messaged) an old friend from high school and we started talking a lot and I had always wanted to go to Los Angeles; So I picked up and left for a couple weeks in Southern Cali. Never thinking I would die for it(I'm more of a NYC girl), well I did. I knew instantly almost that thats where I wanted to move. Everything there was slower. Everybody was soo artistic and out there. Days of the week and time didn't matter. And the best was you can be at Fred Segal then a hop skip and jump away be looking at the ocean. It was HEAVEN! It was me.



(The paragraph that follows is written for those who have been or are in recovery from substance abuse. Bless you and please know there is an end if you want it bad enough.)

I couldn't go to L.A. right away and am actually leaving in 12 1/2 days from now as I am writing this haha. My summer move was pushed to the side when my father was in a horrible motorcycle in the beginning of May. It broke me. Literally killed me. And although in the long run he would be fine(and he is!!!), I couldn't come to terms and deal with it. I was prescribed a drug in April called Adderall. I'm sure you all have tried that once or twice if you had gone to college or if you have a touch of ADHD like I do. Now up until that point I really hadn't done much with it and had rarely even taken the full recommended dosage each day. I did not want to start relying on a drug everyday to help my concentration but if you know anything about adderall you know it's just a form of speed and the high you get it wonderful and very addictive. And if you know me, I have a high tendency to be drawn to addiction and have had problems in the past with this as well. And then my Dad and then there I was bad to my old habits. To get through the two and a half months my dad was in the hospital and rehab, I went right back to my comfort zone of numbing myself. I did though, surprisingly, never returned to drinking alcohol. I had quit drinking in February and that is one thing I was not going to give in to. So I went and went and went and went and went until one day in August, after being strung out for almost 5 months, I just dropped. My electrolytes were out of whack due to my dehydration and lack of food. I had lost a good 10 pounds by this point. And I was severely exhausted. I only slept 2-4 hours a night during all this. I wanted this damn drug away from me. It was ruining my life. So I tried to quit. Lasted 3 days. Tried again a couple weeks later. Lasted 3 days. Tried again and tried and tried. As much as I hated this pill and what it did, I also was madly in love with it and could not quit it on my own. Let me also mention that I I also had every side affect in the book but don't worry that wasn't stopping me. I DID NOT want to go back to rehab so I became REALLY fucking strong. I gave the bottle, and paper prescriptions to friends. Hiding only about 3 in my wallet which I took later on that evening. I stayed up like usual (it was soo bad by bedtime was around 10am and if I had things to do in the morning I would just not sleep at all) and then finally surrendered. 6 days of miserableness, crying, sweating, puking, and being completely lethargic.......I woke up at one point and I knew it was over and I was gonna be okay. Tears of joy streamed down my cheeks for weeks afterwards. I don't know who and who hasn't gone through an addiction but your free when it's over. I look at it now like a horrible dream. My sleeping still isn't back to normal and I am almost back to my old weight. All I can say is that we all deal with hard times differently. Never judge anyone because you have no idea what that person may be going through. Special thanks to my friends and parents, especially Doody.



Did I say we were going to start with the good stuff? Humm good stuff......ummm well I got really awesome new Prada sunglasses, but mainly my father making it through this accident is the best "good stuff" I got for you! Other things I was "okay" with in 2010 include Eminem's "Recovery" album, T. Swizzles "Speak Now" album, and the "When You're Strange" movie about the Doors. Those were some good things. Also the song "Runaway"(not the AWFUL "movie"), by Kanye West. There is someone who came to me to ask for help and I am still learning. Sometimes my advise isn't that great but it works and together we are getting though something and I love him. My friends, of course, played a huge part in 2010. I give my all to them. They are priceless treasures surrounded by shining stars and I just wish they could be with me at all times. We may be far apart but distance sure never made us grow apart for any of us. Love you all. Doody, You can speak on my behalf through anything and be completely correct. That's how well you know me. I am soo grateful and wonder how we got this far without each other??? You know me like no one else. I am soo happy to have the honor of your friendship. Let me see.....other "okay" things??? Well thanks to all the amazing musicians out there. I couldn't live without music. Alright that's about that.



Unfortunately, once again, I had and toughen up. I am still, till this day devastated that people who you thought you knew so well, aren't at all what they seemed to be. I hate the fact that I have to now not be free spirit with everyone and can't let everything out to everyone. Even the people that you trusted most. I had my trust, and my heart horribly battered as a handful of my "so called good friends" turned on me. I can't describe the type of pain that the words that were said to me and the people that did this and how broken they made me. I am now very weary of who I trust. It's sad. I never used to be like this. But wow after being backstabben from a group of girls in your hometown of Pittsburgh because of rumors and gossip, I learned they weren't even worth my friendship. Soo immature that not a one of them had or have ever even called me to tell me the TRUTH on why this all went on. It still pains me but I know that NO ONE TALKS ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE OR IS JUST BLATANTLY MEAN TO THEM UNLESS THEY HAVE SERIOUS JEALOUSY ISSUES WITH THEM. So in return I got stronger, skin got a little thicker, and am honored to be your topic of conversation. As much as I wish I would forget you all, I never will, and as much as I love you all and that will never change, what did change is the way I look at you. You used to be soo beautiful and kind to me. Now you all look like unattractive, evil, kneiving, selfish souls. Something I would never want to be or be surrounded by. And as many tears I still waste on the hurt you brought and still bring to me, I do know, in the long run, WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND. BIG TIME!

That's my 2010 and that's why I am pretty happy it has finally come to an end. To my people-I love you all soo much you have no idea. To my enemies-haha thanks for what you did. You actually made me a hell of a lot stronger and I will never let people like you into my life ever again. I'm better than this.

Peace & Happy 2011 my darling readers!!!
S

Who Has to Know?

This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront....this is not a love story. Nor is this a writeup about my favorite movie 500 Days of Summer. It is simply a letter telling the story of two people and the way most relationships end. In a very fucked up matter. On that note....let's begin.

One shiny starry evening, a girl, and a boy, we're out walking the streets of downtown Cincinnati. The two did not know of each other but kept passing glances as both of their groups of friends were walking near one another. Finally the girl, Lydia, spoke up to the boy she had been eying. His name was Adam and after that was all a blur. From the start, everything was going just grand. They spent a lot of time together and developed a fantastic friendship and bond as well as an incredible sex life. There were of course some issues though. #1 Although he may be spending the night about four nights a week, and this is really nuts so get prepared, THEY ONLY SPOKE THROUGH TEXT MESSAGING! Ewwww and Ahhhh! Red Alert! Of course Lydia did notice this and realized after a couple months that it was not normal but she just put it aside because she was soo smitten. Issue #2 For some reason Adam had this thing that he rarely ever came over before 9 or 10pm. In the beginning this was cool because really who cares as long as you get to see each other but getting a little further into it, Lydia began to wonder. And Issue #3 He NEVER took her out in public. Ohh yeah. HUGE sign there. Adam kept Lydia as what me along with the All American Rejects, as his "Dirty Little Secret".

These are just the 1st 3 issues. Now when 18-ohh you know your early 20's, usually you're not really looking for much but a rad time in bed and a little laughter but as we grow older(unfortunately) we begin to have these things called feelings and well we all know how they story goes.........as much as we'd love to say it ain't true, there are only a certain amount of times one can sleep with another before one gets a tad in lust. And yes boys this includes you. I've seen some great "in love" psychos I've slept with one too many times go nuts, when they saw me chilling with another boy, when I told them I had no intentions on actually dating them and was just having fun. So don't ever blame it all on the crazy chicks. When it comes to love a switch goes off, pretty much immediately, that makes both parties a little more wacko than usual. Lust leads to love and love leads to complete MADNESS. Especially with a guy with tricks up his sleeve like good old Adam. For tonight I'll leave you with these 3, get the heck out of it while you can, issues to think about. But don't worry. Lydia is sucked in and Adam is right there by her side. Well from 10pm-6am, behind closed doors, kinda thing. Part II coming tomorrow. Will Lydia come to her senses or will Adam start bringing Lydia around his friends? Ohh the anxiety. Talk with you soon loves.

**This is actually NOT about one of my old crazy bf's. As you know his name would have already be out there and the places we were, who we were with, and all that other fun stuff would have been written right out. Just like Taylor Swift puts it all out there in her nutty love songs.

Peace&Should I Even Say LOVEEEEE haha

S

FACTORY.GIRL.

can someone save me, save me from what i'm on

La Paix & Amour
FG
S

Like What the Hell Was I Thinking?

Most of us are not perfect children. Actually I'm sure none of us are but some us do cause a little more pain and drama to our parents and family than others. For those of you that are coming from this place and have been through some very serious matters, this is for you.

Last week around this time one of my very dear friends made a point of it to really reach out and thank his parents for being there by his side after all the pain and fear he has caused him. And he reminded me that I should do the same. I followed and thanked my parents for the unconditional love they give me, no matter what the situation I may be going through. It's really hard for me to do this sometimes because I usually begin to cry. I just feel so blessed and lucky to have made it through to be able to tell my parents I love them each day. I, along with a few of my friends, are truly very lucky to be alive. There is a point though where where we get fed up with the need to walk on stones around our parents and having them watch you like a hawk at all times. Even if you are a thousand miles away. This comes from fear. From the time where they lied awake not knowing what tomorrow would bring for their dear child. Would they be sad, would tomorrow be the day that they overdose, and why and how did this happen to their child? I am trying to understand my parents better and the constant watching and worrying even though I am currently doing very well(so well that it scares me at times and I have to pinch myself). Now when you are in this mist of a mess, I do and can see where they are coming from. Sometimes though all the love and worry turns into screaming matches and "I hate yous". This solves nothing but when in a bad place you are soo beyond gone that you don't know what to do, what to say, where to turn, and express most of it all through anger. And who does this anger get taken out on the most......those that you love and care about. I've taken a lot just from helping a couple friends and seeing their attitudes and moods being extremely negative and almost mean at times. It's not meant to be towards us but you are soo aggitated and lost you lose control. I can handle this because I've been there. But most of our parents have not. This is where we need to come up with a solution between the one at risk and the close family and friends. Do you have any solutions that have worked best for you in these times? I am still trying to find a way to be rational when things are brought up. My two dear friends that are having a hard time right now use screaming matches as a way of coping. We know it's not the right thing but when put on the spot that is just whats going to happen. I tried to find further information on this problem involving communication.

As you can see by watching Intervention or Celebrity Rehab or by just reading the Rolling Stone article with Eminem that I wrote about last evening; You will see that when in rehab, while on drugs, while dealing with depression and anxiety, that you are sooooo far out that you are just a shell of yourself at the time. You're angry. Who wants to be a prisoner to a substance or wake up everyday hoping today may be the day you die? Nobody and unless you have been there it's actually truly impossible to explain. Our parents try soo hard and they go to classes and try to learn about these diseases and basically do EVERYTHING in their power to try to understand. But it's something that you cannot understand no matter how much you study or how much we try to tell you how we feel. It's not like cancer where you know what is going on and what is or may happen. This is a lifetime disease and the days are unknown. I wake up and wonder why I am still doing ok. That's how scared I am from the fact that I know one of these days I will most likely face that nightmare again. Parents don't get that so even when you are having really great days you can within 24 hours be having a bad day where you want to give up or turn to a substance.

A great observation of this is shown through the documentary, Britney: For the Record. This documentary was filmed about 8 months after Britney had her last stay at the hospital and in the film, Britney, and her father show the pain that Britney's disorder have affected her and her family. The worst part of Britney's case though is that she still, after 3 entire years in January, is still under a conservatorship through her father which basically allows her to have enough freedom of those at age 17. This is a great film to watch when you feel like you have to hard from your parents and life in general. And even though Britney states a couple times that everything could have been/be a lot worse that can happen and how grateful she is to be alive, she is basically a prisoner to the law. At the time this was filmed, Britney was not even allowed to drive as one of the laws that her father made. Can you imagine not being able to get in your car and drive? Her father loves her and you can see that a lot. A couple times in the film, Jamie(Brit's dad), begins to cry just by looking at Britney or seeing her smile. Both my mother and father have done this from time to time since I have been well. It's tears of joy and tears just for the fact that we are alive. Yesterday afternoon I had to drive my Dad to get his car and I was singing Taylor Swift really loud and obnoxiously and he began to cry. It saddens me that I've caused them so much fear and pain that they cry when they see me happy and safe because they thought they may never see that again. In Britney's situation she doesn't have someone just asking her 20 questions a day, she is actually under law by her parents. She gets an allowance, told what she can do and with whom, and is NOT going to get better if this keeps going on. I mean what the hell do her medical records say that is soo awful that she must be under lock and key by her father who was a raging alcoholic and did not treat her mother or her brother and sister well throughout.....well actually just about up until 4-5 years ago when he was able to finally get clean. I watch the news and see these addicts with mental problems robbing and raping and they don't seem to get it as bad. The law is awful and you're definitely not treated like a person but rather a number that is soo diseased that it should have no right to have any say. "I just cope with it every day....It's better not to feel anything at all and have hope than to feel the other way . . . It's bad. I'm sad." Does anybody know why she's still under this conservatorship? Can you imagine being 29 years old and not be able to make your own decisions? This is what I call an EXTREME way to parents a child with medical disorders. It's just not right.

So as much as I get annoyed, and my dear friends get annoyed we must remember there are people going through the same things we are. And what it's called is love. Whether it's screaming, threatening to do something, or giving you the "where, who, how long, what ya doing?", we need to understand that our parents are just as scared, if not more, then we are. And if you haven't seen this Documentary, I highly recommend it. It's a very sad insight on a girl who would do anything to just be normal and has lost control of her life. It brings you back down to earth in a big way.

Here's a little sneak peak



Peace & Love
S

Road Back From Hell

That is the title for the interview with Marshall Mather's on this weeks cover of Rolling Stone. As we all know, Em' really has been through hell and back. So have a few of my dearest friends and with this album, Recovery, we all came together and talked about what an impact it made on us. Whether we were clean, relapsing, or detoxing, we are all in this lifetime process called Recovery. It's a hard thing to explain because unless you're also in recovery, because it's like talking to a wall trying to make people understand(no offense). Eminem did this amazingly using music as his outlet his past 2 albums and I can say that they have changed my life. And a full blown Eminem addict! So this goes out to my boys and girls who've been there and know how to understand and decipher Marshall's interviews. God bless.

Eminem has never moved from Detroit. He's a self called "creature of habit". With this he has his very tight close group of friends, his 3 daughters. Alana being Kim's sister's daughter, Halie being his child he had with Kim, and Whitney(his youngest) from Kim's ex marriage. Yes, I know that all sounded strange but as soon as Em' got any kind of money he basically picked up and saved everyone that needed it. He doesn't want anyone to have to grow up the way he did. He even legally adopted his little brother so his brother could get a shot at a normal life that Marshall never got to experience.

He thrives on his struggles and takes it out on his infamous albums. Recovery is an honest to God truthful tale of what all this shit is like that people in recovery deal with everyday. The 1st time I listened to it I cried because I felt as though he was talking to me and in a way he was. Like saving me everytime I slip. Just to give a shout out and since I write about Em in a lot of my blogs, I will still say this one again........go get this album if you don't have it. And listen to it the whole way through and believe me after that you won't be stressing about bullshit drama or like ***** would say "fucking stink bugs!"

Road Back From Hell

He begins with saying "what's up man? I'm Marshall". In conversation he's thoughtful and polite, albeit not in a way you'd mistake for friendliness. He's currently going through a Diet Coke obsession causing many bathroom breaks throughout the interview. He also admits to having a bit of OCD, which is pretty normal for any addict because you always have to be in control of something. This builds comfort(at least I know for me) that no matter what I am able to take the simplest thing and make it mine. When bored I switch to another obsession. As you probably know, Marshall lost his best friend Desaun, and while he was already really bad into his habit, after the death of Proof it left Eminem to enter a downward spiral. He admits that he was soo high at Desaun's funeral that it disgusts him but he just couldn't deal. He is now 2 1/2 years sober and feels as though he is on top of the world. And in a way he actually is but you wouldn't know it. He doesn't ride the fame game, clubs, dating actresses, or anything else that most of those in fame endure. He lives in a gated community right outside of Detroit with his 3 girls and goes to work in his state of the art studio he built right outside of his home. In the song "Going Through Changes", Em' touches on this. "That song is about my addiction, and my mind frame at the time. I don't feel like a recluse now. I do go out and do things-it's just hard. You have to take people with you for safety and it's just a pain in the ass. When I didn't have an album out for four/five years, I could go to the gas station, go paces and not get recognized. It was a really good feeling. That may sound weird because I do try to get peoples attention with my music, but I am not an attention seeker. When I'm not Eminem, I'm just Marshall-it's hard."

One being a Role Model: "Whatever I can be to people is fine. Some people may look up to me. Some people may consider me a fucking menace. But I am grateful for every fan letter I get, and for every person who says I helped save them."

To read the full article please go purchase Rolling Stone. It's something that will ultimately bring you right back down to earth and for those that "had to go to that place to get to this place".

P&L

S

-Ohh yeah and if you don't already know or haven't heard him say this, he will fully admit to being crazy and out of his mind. But what genious artist isn't? Think about the song "Stan". You have to be absolutly insane to come up with that shit! I love you Doody!

That's why we sing for these kids, who don't have a thing
Except for a dream, and a fuckin' rap magazine
Who post pin-up pictures on their walls all day long
Idolize they favorite rappers and know all they songs
Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in their lives
Till they sit and they cry at night wishin' they'd die
Till they throw on a rap record and they sit, and they vibe
We're nothin' to you but we're the fuckin' shit in they eyes

Just For Today

Hey guys!!! Just wanted to play catch up and make sure everyone is doing a-okay and feeling good and strong. There is one prayer that always brightens my day when I feel like I can't make it through. Always say this daily and you know I am always here if any one needs to talk. I've been through it all and I'm alive somehow and am just VERY grateful. Hugs, kisses, and hands held to everyone. By the way....you all make my day a lot more sweeter. Thank you!!!

SERENITY PRAYER

God, please grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference
....JUST FOR TODAY

Peace & Love

S

I Was Enchanted To Meet You(pleasedontbeinlovewithsomeoneelse)

My little sweety pie, Taylor Swift, released her 3rd album recently and I just can't stop gushing about it! If you've been here from the beginning or just starting to read Andwhoareyouagain?, you'll notice I focus a TON on music. All music! I love it all but I a really soft spot for Taylor <3

I'm sure everyone can sing the chorus to Love Story and dance around like a dork like in You Belong With Me. Well I can too. Actually okay I'll just admit it......I'm like totally Taylor obsessed!!!!! I know every word to every song that she has ever sang. Sometimes I feel like she wrote these songs just for me, and I could care less what anyone thinks because T. Swizzle is the REAL DEAL. Not only is she one of the most amazing songwriters but she is also just the sweetest thing going. She's that girl that will stand outside for 18 hours, if it takes, to make sure everyone got to get a photo with her and her autograph. Shes just as madly in love with her fans as we are with her and that's a rarity now a days. I could go on for hours and hours about how much I love this girl and all but let's get right down to it. Let's "SPEAK NOW"!

Sometimes I hate Taylor because she puts these ideas in my head that I should do this and do that and this and that and ahhhh and before I know it I have totally lived one of her records! Shes that amazing. Ohh and btw 99.9 of her work is about boys and shes not afraid to name em'! Every girl.....literally, every girl, from age 5-105 needs this album in their life. I really don't know what else to say but......it's Taylor and she just freakin' ROCKS! Let's go through a few tracks...

MINE is her single that's out now. It's about actually not getting dumped, not running away, no bad guys, it's just a truly sweet song about someone being soo wonderful. A true love song. "You are the Best Thing that's Ever been Mine"



SPEAK NOW um f'ing fabulous and it's just what every girl has always wanted to do at one point. It's an amazing track based on "Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace". Did you ever notice no one ever speaks now???? I mean someone must want to. Well Taylor in her daydream does. She breaks that wedding up with no problem! Its such a fun song!!!! "don't say yes, run away now, I'll meet you when your out of the church at the backdoor, Don't WAIT or say a single VOW, U need to hear me out......and they said SPEAK NOWWW"



Dear John at 1st I kept skipping this but then then I started listening to it and it's the most beautiful song. To bad it's written for the asshole heartbreaker we all know as John Mayor! It's like hellloooo Tay....why you gotta waste such a beautiful song on such a loser? But in the end you'll actually begin to feel that you were just Tay, Jess, or even Jennifer Aniston. Sorry John. Love most your music but never ever would date ya. NOPE!





OMG I can't even do this review because seriously I love, can relate, can put ex's into, each and every song. That's the thing about T. Swizzle. It's like she's your new best friend. She reads your mind for whatever mood your in! Okay let's just do this I'll tell you my absolute favorite track and we'll call it a day. But PLEASE comment and let me know what your favorite track is!!!! Maybe we can even open a discussion about "Speak Now"! .........my favorite track from the Tayor's Speak Now Album is.............Last Kiss(with a side of Haunted) .....and I'm going to shut my mouth right there because ohhhhh do I have the perfect person and situation that went into that song. I almost wrote him a letter last week because of this songs power. BUT as Taylor would say "I dOn't thiNk YOu sHOuLd WaiT. I tHinK yoU ShouLD sPEaK NOW." I'll leave you now with the video of the 1st Taylor Swift song that grabbed me by the heart!OUR SONG!!!!









Peace&T.Swizzle

S