FU

You know I made this about 4 months ago to bring light to subjects that people are afraid to talk about. Yes, I talk about depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and drugs. I do this because if I can help just 1 person a day knowing that you can fight this and you can recover, then I know I am putting everything that I've gone through to good use. I also write about fashion, my wonderful friends, dancing, theatre, and music just to name a few. Ohh and yes I did write a couple nasty blogs to boys. Soo sorry for being real.

I'M PERFECTLY WELL AND FINE! And whoever fucking reads this and makes up LIES and speads rumers about me, I just want to let you know that YOU are the ones that look pathetic NOT me!

And especially to those who read all this and analize it and try to get into my head, you never will. Please get a life of your own. Don't live through mine. I love my life right now and that's why I am able to write about it so openly. And the worst is......I NEVER talk poorly upon anyone, and here I am being talked about. Obviously you don't know me.

I'm sure this will stir things up more but I'm also NOT THE GIRL who's going to sit back and let this happen.

Riders On The Storm

As I was sitting here this morning writing my New Year's Resolutions, I was reminded that I had never made New Year Resolutions before because I never really thought I'd make it through another year. But here I am and I'm confidant I'll do great in 2010 so I am definetly going to complete them. But before I can get to those I would like to rewind to the beginning of 2009. This year has been a whirlwind to say the least and it has been one of my favorite years ever even with the horrific events.

It's all kind of blurry. Like blurry enough to say I don't remember the 1st 15 days of January but an old bank statement tells me I shopped at Nordstroms, Burberry, and I rented movies from blockbuster. Other than that, I have NO idea besides I was working a lot. On the 16th I was admitted into COPE on the 8th floor of WPIC. I think if I hadn't gotten help on that day, even though I went kicking and screaming, I wouldn't have lasted much longer. It's crazy what malnutrition can do to the brain. It erased my memory and as I read about all of this craziness I found that to be common. I didn't progress fast and I wasn't aloud out until I got my weight up to 105. So at 83 pounds, 105 really didn't seem that far but it's wayyyy more difficult than that. This was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done and hope to have ever done in my life. Not being aloud freedom for 56 days will really make you appreciate everything just a tad bit more. Just the thought of being able to drive again seemed like a luxury to me. I was finally discharged. Much bigger, and much happier due to my savior of a psychiatrist. I also left with amazing friends, people who understood me, really fucking cool people. I was rarely in Pittsburgh and spent most of my time traveling and visiting my best friends. It was definitely something I needed to do because after something like that you really just need to get out of town. I dated a lot and found a touch of love in each one. The rest of the year was dedicated to me staying healthy and happy. In which I did but I have a LOT of people to thank for that; Maggie Andres, Emily Kinnard, Kara Santilli, Liz Greim, Kalie Davis, Joanna O'Donelle, Kate Gross, Kate Pawlowski, Noreen Daniello, Leah Swanson, Jen Aikens, Tiffany Hadley, Shelly Kocsuta, Liz Duigou, Ashley Madia, (Erin, Scott, Megan, Sasha, Sarah, Nicole), Michelle Mantooth, Tera Bowden, Whitney Moore, Aaron Brehove, Bekah Cann, Allison Connors, Carolyn Romano, Blare O'toole, Keith Gerlack, Maggie McKee, Anna Wolf, Whitney Brown, Lara Patrinos, Ryan Mullen, Laura Leimkuler, Katie Newcamp, Julie Eisert, Michael Burns, Dominique Deliere, Melissa Koestner, Joe Johnston, and my dear dear supportive family.

Now I would like to put out my inputs on what was the best and what was the worst this year!

Music that I listened to most....old and new!
-Lady GaGa. She's my inspiration currently. Amazing artist.
-Radiohead.
-Nirvana.
-Britney Spears. I really hope she is free again soon. Can you imagine living under a conservatorship at 28? Bless her heart. I'm glad to see she's doing better. I hope it continues.
-Eminem. If you don't already have Relapse, please go get it. Especially if you ever suffered from depression. This album helped me.
-Taylor Swift. This little one is simply a spot of sunshine. AMAZING!
-Muse.

Favorite songs of 2009!
-If U Seek Amy
-Paparazzi
-3am
-Beautiful
-You're Not Sorry

Most inspirational people!
-Barak Obama (sorry Blare)
-Taylor Swift
-Eminem
-And my best friends!!!! You're all my biggest inspiration.

Favorite Books This year!
-I really cannot do this because I read the same books over and over and over if I really love them. There are a couple new ones I discovered that I love and you should check out too.
-Chelsea Handler's Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea.
-Marya Hornbacher's Wasted...A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
-Cobain-By the Editors of Rolling Stone. yes yes I know another Kurt book but this one is awesome. It's basically great stories of the time all of these journalists spent with him. More as a celebration on his life then the usual tragedy piece.

Favorite in Sports!
-Rafael Nadal. Enough said.
-Also congrats the Steelers and Penguins for making my hometown the "city of chamions"(that's for you Bek)

Well that's about all on 2009. If any of you are wondering.....yes, I am still living like a complete gypsy and loving every minute of it. I really do miss my books, CD's, and DVD's though, and my beautiful bed, and my many vintage decorations. But most of all I miss my gorgeous fairy that hangs from my bed post. Can't wait to have the things back in my life when I finally settle somewhere but as for my plans for 2010, settling somewhere is not involved by any means!

Live, Love, Laugh, Dance, Sing at the top of your lungs, Be Crazy, Never Quit Your Dreams, Always go after what and who you want, Go to the Movies by Yourself, Treat Yourself once and a While to Something You Can't Afford, Fall Madly in Love even though You may Get Hurt(story of my life! but I wouldn't trade it for a thing), Spend Ever Extra Second with Those You Love, And NEVER settle for Anything Less than Butterflies!

Life is too short and you truly NEVER know what day may be your last. I think I'm madly in love with my new positive outlook haha!

Peace & Love,

S

You Are What I Never Knew I Always Wanted

Here are just a few random questions I had answered in May(2 months into my recovery.) I just found them and I think they are a pretty encouraging and strong for the state I was at. I hope some of them can help you and if you have any questions you know, I'm just message away!
1. Okay let’s just start off with I’ve been through a lot of shit and w/out it all…..good and bad………I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

2. Dancing is my therapy. I would be dead without dancing. It’s just something that my spirit has to do.

3. I don't plan or ever plan on planning out my life. I like to live spontaneously just day by day. I love having the courage to just pick up a suitcase and take off for a few weeks. I believe in living fully and just feeling free and liberated. I hate being under any restraints.

4. I’m 5’5’’ and 108 and am IN LOVE with my body and am soo happy to be able to say that! I think it’s soo beautiful. If I could walk around in underwear and a bra I totally would!

5. My absolute favorite thing in the entire world is to sing and dance. It’s the greatest high in the world for me.

6. I have a highly addictive personalty and have gone through times where this has actually gotten me into trouble and is also something I struggle with everyday. It get’s easier with time.

7. I like to drink my coffee at night.

8. I’ve met some of the most amazing people in my life. Some of them in bad situations, others in good. They all made a marking on my soul.

9. My favorite sports figure is Rafael Nadal. He’s the #1 tennis player in the world and is drop dead gorgeous on top of it. Vamos Rafa!!!

10. There are a lot of shallow people in the world and they can make up rumors and assumptions and they will haunt you. I just now got thicker skin and learned to cope with it. A lot of people talk and have NO IDEA what it's like to walk in my shoes. But I am a strong girl and I have a lot of strong friends by my side.

11. I love Kurt Cobain and what he brought to this world artistically. I am still enormously intrigued by him. He and Britney are the only people I can say I have been actually obsessive about. I just wanna learn everything!

12. My sorority sisters, and I know this sounds soo cliche, but I don't know where I'd be without them. It's like they breathe for me when I can no longer breathe.

13. I know the choreography for EVERY Britney Spears video and concert performances. Literally.

14. I adore animals and cannot stand animal cruelty. Breaks my heart in half. I am a proud member of PETA.

15. I'm a hopeless romantic and believe in love stories, fairytales, soulmates, and so on. Nothing makes me happier than being in love.

16. I figure skated for 7 years. And after that I took up dancing full time and was studying to become a ballerina.

17. I read and listen to music at all times. A few of my favorites are Eminem's Relapse, Taylor Swift, Radiohead, Nirvana, Lady GaGa,

18. I failed my driver’s license test 6 or 7 times. Hahahaha

19. I lived in NYC after college and the second place I lived I had to share a bed with Alia for 1,100 a month. You soo get nothing for your money there but it is totally worth it.

20. I think I was a European(in Barcelona, Spain haha) in my previous life. I really don’t believe in this fast paced American living thing that we have going on. If you look at other countries life is more laid back and enjoyed.

21. Michelle and Aaron are my sister and brother.

22. I miss Tera and wish she lived closer. We have a crazy kind of friendship that will never die. She’s the love of my life.

23. 4 inch stilettos are my favorite. I like to be 5’9’’.

24. I’m a pretty cool girl. And I love to make people laugh.

25. I go through life like a karate kid. -BS

Peace and Love

S

Roma Ro-MaMa GaGa Ohh LaLa

I hope you all had/are having a wonderful holiday season! I totally kicked ass this season with my mood. I was a-ok besides a little bit of yesterday when I began to feel down and was just over all the holiday hoopla. Last year at this exact time I was in the Emergency room with an IV of Ativan in my arm. So I mean compared to that, I must say everything is wonderful. (Even though I must admit, I sure do LOVE those Ativan drips!)

Last night my whole Italian family had our usual holiday party. We ate, danced(okay just me and my little cousins), sang(okay once again just me and my little cousins), and laughed. I decided that we were all technically "guidettes" due to our heritage and we all should have ditry jerz nicknames! hahaha. I think my fam went a little overboard this year with the starbucks giftcards because I have $60 worth of grande vanilla lattes with an extra shot of espresso ahead of me. I REALLY wish my family lives closer. Most is in Virginia, DC area, or NC. We have sooo much fun when we are together. And I wish thats what Christmas would be really all about. F the presents. I truely didn't need all of the materialistic things I had recieved. It's the celebration of the birth of jesus. Not of how many presents you can get.

How were your Holiday celebrations and did you recieve anything crazy cool from Santa? I got a gorgeous onyx Tacori ring, a mini Kodak video camera so my friend Bekah can tape the next year of my life because I have a feeling, for some reason, its going to get quite exciting. Ohh and a ton of clothes that DID NOT FIT! Note to self and to mother......I DO NOT wear a size 0 or an xsmall anymore. Stop purchasing these sizes because it's annoying when I do the ass jump 40 times and sometimes STILL can't get whatever I am trying to put on over my ass. It's ALL good though. I love my butt and I love that I weigh 110 and not 83 anymore. And all the fam talk was all reguarding my new fabulous boobs last night hahahaha. Soo funny. My 12 yr old cousin Hanna and I did a dance to Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. It was freaking awesome. We pretended to be little monsters!

Okay enough about me.......What are your stories and memories? I hope they are great! And continue through the new year! I love my family, friends, and ohh just everyone. I'm full of love! Muah!

Did You Take Your Meds?

Still in horrible mourning over the loss of Brittany Murphy. In the extras section of the Uptown Girl DVD you can hear her saying "dreams really do come true here in New York" and you actually believe Britany. I know I did. Gosh this is very devistating. And to top it off now it's all endijng up to be another prescription drug overdose. I REALLY hope it's not but that's what people are saying today. A numerous amount of medications were found in Brittany's room but none too crazy or out of the ordinary:Prozac, Klonopin, Ativan, Hydocodone, a bipolar diorder drug, anti-inflamatory drug, Propranolol(I don't know what this is), Migrane meds, and a couple anti-biotics.
If you wanted to you could surely take an inappropriate mix and quantity of these drugs. But I just don't think Brittany Murphy would do that. Or am I just being stupid and not wanting to see the truth. I mean we all like our drugs and for some of us, including myself, cannot live without medication. I mean am I next? These are all wayyy too close to home. WTF are the doctors and pharmacists doing? This SAME incident has been occuring and occuring over the past few years, killing many of those we looked up to. Am I safe tonight when I go to bed? It's just getting way to scary.

Any how.......I will try to finish this on a light note. Molly, Daisy, Stacy, Sarah, Nikki, or Alex; Whatever you would like to call this truely talented inspirational actress, may you rest in peace.

Spun, Girl Inturrupted, Uptown Girls, Just Married, 8 Mile, Clueless, Little Black Book, etc, etc.
She is wonderful and I hope this was caused naturally and not from prescriptions or weight issues.

Peace and Love

S

Walk Walk Fashion Baby

I was at Target just to pick up my presciptions for the month when I got stopped as soon as I entered. Rodarte did a collection for Target and it really might be my favorite since Luella did their line for Target.

Just to make this short and sweet, I highly suggest you please check it out. The line is extraordinarily feminine and contains pieces you would never be able to find if you tried. At 1st I grabbed about 9 things but then I remembered I only had a small amount in my account till the next time I get paid. I left with a lace mens style cardigan, a gorgeous slip dress covered in bows and chiffon, and a black lace bikini that could almost pass for sexy lingerie.

Known for it's unique textures and modern approach, Rodatre is a fashion "it" brand. Now, designers Kate and Laura Mulleavy are taking on Target, with it's exclusive line inspried by the iconic women of their favorite films. The result? Artful shapes and directional style, without the runway prices.

This line will leave you getting asked "omg where did you get that?" constantly for it's couture look and feel. Theres nothing better than looking like a movie star in Target prices.

Line runs from $19.99-$49.99.

Hope you all enjoy it as much as I do. Get it before it's gone!

Peace and Love,

S

It Was Last Minute Babe

After thinking for about 3 hours about my favorite things I came up with these awesome last minute gifts that I believe can fit any girlfriend or boyfriends wonderfully! Or just buy them for yourselves!!! I do! haha

1. Tacori for QVC. I can't believe I haven't mentioned this before because with this collection you can NOT go wrong. I have 4 pieces from the collection and never have been out and not get complimented on them. The best part is the line runs about $50-$200. You must check it out!

2. Anthony Logisrics for Men Grab and Go Portable. Great gift for a man on the go. Perfect for vacas and business trips. Contains high end shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, shaving foam, etc, etc. Fabulous!

3. The Audrey Hepburn Treasures book along with a copy of Breakfast at Tiffany's. Who doesn't love Audrey. I of course have everything Hepburn but these are two of my favorites. Perfect gift!

4. Bumble & Bumble. Make a gift basket with Bumble & Bumble hair products and you have to add the Bb. Bandball they have out now for limited edition. It's $20 and is a huge ball of 100 hairties. Just got it yesterday and I'm in love!

5. Pocket Camcorder. I personally love the Kodak Zi8. Films in 3 different speeds, high quality HD, and uploads straight to your Facebook and You Tube. This is the one I have. Photos are soo over. It's all about videos right now!

6. Sports Tickets. You truly can't go wrong with getting your bf, hubby, or father tickets to their favorite sport team. It's a no fail gift!

7. Journal/Scrapbook. But not just any journal or scrapbook. Make this your own! Add sentimental pieces(such as ticket stubs or old love letters), photos, drawings, prayers, quotes, etc. I am in the mist of making one for someone and it's like my pride and joy. I actually got the idea from my high school Drama Teacher who took a huge white scrapbook and put Quotes from Musicals on the bottom of every page. I love it because it's so personal!

8. The Beatles Box Set. Put this with one of the many awesome photo books that the Beatles have and you automatically have the best gift ever!

9. Cobain Unseen. This is a book of all of Kurt Cobain's artwork. It's amazing. Pair it with the Nirvana Unplugged In New York DVD and theres another perfect gift.

9. Britney Spears-The Singles Collection. Freaking awesome for any Spears fan and pair it with the documentary, For The Record and you are good to go!

10. O.P.I. Make a great gift basket of the amazing polishes from O.P.I (for the guys, you can get opi at high end salons, ulta, and online). Here are a few of my favorites to help you out. Botega Blackberry, Russian Navy, Lincoln Park After Dark, Cozu Melted in the Sun, Midnight on Moscow, Black Tie Optional, and Vodka and Caviar. I would LOVEEEE if I received this!


I hope I helped everyone out. And everyone is having a great Holiday season thus far!

Cheers & Love

S

P.S. You can never go wrong with a men's leather wallet from Burberry. Just don't get anything with the horrid check on it in PVC!

And you could NEVER go wrong with the Valentino Bow Clutch which is Pictured above!

I'm Not Bulletproof

All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around/I've been giving out chances everytime and all you do is LET ME DOWN/And it's taking me this long BABY but I've figured you out/And you're thinking we'll be fine again but NOT this time around......

You don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don’t want to HURT anymore
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I WON'T believe you baby like I did before
You’re not sorry NO, NOOOO

Looking so INNOCENT I might believe you if I didn't know/COULD HAVE LOVED YOU ALL MY LIFE IF YOU HADN'T LEFT ME WAITING IN THE COLD//And you got your share of SECRETS and I'm tired of being last to know/And your asking me to LISTEN cause it's worked each time before

YOU had ME crawling for you honey and it never would've gone away, NO/You used to SHINE SO BRIGHT but I WATCHED ALL OF IT FADE

THIS IS THE LAST STRAW....NOTHING LEFT TO BEG FOR.....AND YOU CAN TELL ME THAT YOU'RE SORRY BUT I WON'T BELIEVE YOU BABY LIKE I DID BEFORE....YOU'RE NOT SORRY....NO, NO, NO


This song was perfect for you darling. It's sad that I have been wasting my time and love on you for so long. But, guess what, I can't do it anymore. You've broken my heart soo many times I can't even count and we're NEVER going to be fine again so I getting out. I loved you since the day we met and I don't know how that goes away. But I'm trying my hardest. Please don't call. I don't think I would have the strengh right now to not pick up. The worst part is that I would have done anything for you. I'm too fucking nice and have soo much empathy in my heart for you. I want to forget the past 5 years and move on and I'm going to do it. I have nothing bad to say about you because we are one in the same. I know you like the back of my hand and that makes me sick. I bring up your name and everyone moans "ohh not again" and I say "don't worry this time it's different". IT'S NEVER FUCKING DIFFERENT! I'm just a stupid girl wishing you would turn into my prince and whisk me away. I don't want you in my dreams, in my journal, and especially in my head! But I'm so in love. And we try to be friends but that never works and when we are alone everything is soo perfect but within a small amount of time we are not speaking. I just wasted too much time. Way too much time. Maybe we are too alike, maybe you don't love me the way I love you, maybe nothing. I don't know but I did figure your pattern and just like the song says "you're thinking we'll be fine again but not this time around" Please let me be. I guess if you haven't really changed in 5-6 years your not going to and I know you can't change people but damnit ***** you even let me read the fucking letter. You have half of my secrets that know one knows and I have yours. How do I repair? I'm broken. I'm a human being, way to kind to everyone, show way to much empathy, I'm just way to nice. And I am not changing that but I have to walk away and it's going to be hard. I'm erasing your number. When you are upset I come running and hold your hand and you tell me that you'll always do the same but you never do. And I'm not bulletproof so I just can't do this anymore. -And I keep going back to the one thing that I have to walk away from. I love you but goodbye.

I've been licking my wounds
Woke up in love and seems so great
We both can't subdue
Darling you hold me prisoner
My heart as been bruised
So sad but it's true

I'm sorry,
S

**I hope this makes sense and you know it's all true

And the World Can Live as One....

Okay I'm trying to keep my mouth shut about this anymore because I think I have told enough people to fuck off in the past hour to last me a while! I am a fan on facebook of Courtney Love Cobain. For those of you that do not know her she the front singer of Hole, a solo artist, and is widowed by the late Kurt Cobain. She is also releasing a new album in January so get it, get it, get it!!! She's a really cool chick I think and I've had HORRIBLE insomnia the past couple weeks so I have been talking a lot with her late night. She interacts with all of her fans......and yes it is still all mispelled and jumps from topic to topic but hey whatever. You ask her a question and she answers. And as I respect her as a musician, I have also began to respect her as a person. P.S. If you don't want to hear positive things about Courtney then don't read this. I don't need anyones opinion. I'll give you where to go so you can do that.

Well just last night I was up till about 5:30am and it blew. But from about 11pm on I would check my fb because I have it on my iphone and blah blah blah. It entertains me. Well yesterday Courtney lost custody of her daughter to Kurts mother and sister and although it was Frances Beans decision, not the courts, Courtney was writing for about 5 hours on how upset she was. Like any normal parent would be if your teenager was raging like most of us all did. Most people on her 'FAN' page, were very supportive but there were like a handful of really bad people, up as late as I was, telling her what a crackheaded bitch she was and "she doesn't deserve a child", "she killed Kurt(like seriously people get over it. He suffered from type II Bipolar and was addicted to heroin. Believe me, he commited suicide), "that's not even Courtneys kid. she adopted her to trap Kurt", and blah blah blah. Anyways all these cruel things were popping up and I'm like dude this is a fan page why the f are you even reading her away messages if you hate her so bad? So now, today, Perez Hilton, posted 2 of Courtneys comments from last night. Not good ones that she wrote, and she is very upset. He picked the nasty ones......or Courtney thinks its Kurts family that sent it in and is trying to ruin her.

This story can go on and on but seriously people be supportive of people that are going through difficult times. This is not half as bad but it reminds me of Perez when he picked on Britney soooo bad when she was in an extreme manic state. But then loved her again when she got treated? wtf dude. You have to love people through the good and the bad. Right now hes obsessed with gaga and you know as soon as something happens to her hes going to write bad things. It's just not right!


"dont worry frances is a wonderful kid shes gotbadd people around her and wants it both ways, her aunt brieanne who isnt kurts sister is a black hole, look ask charlie cross or don cobain whart a disaster the drunk as fuck nasty assed brieanne is,ask kelly osbourne, well im going out with ms palmer and ms kirke and frances have fun on your covers of the tabs, thats what your wonder bread side likes, you couldve asked for emanicaption youc ouldve gone to simons rock, but you have to get involved with that terrifying not to me, to you witch who keeps britney spars in jail? thats insane. you realie this will put you in juvenoile fami;y circus three times in your little life? this is what along with his mother killed your father, i think im selling a house today, not in the mood to supportthese assholes anymore. i have shit to do, i love you and always will unconditionally."

And yes another thing about Courtney......she also thinks this whole 'conservatorship' is fucking ridiculous! Britney is in jail. Can you imagine having to ask your dad for your "allowence" at 28 yrs old with 2 kids? Shes going to go absolutly mad when she gets free from this inprisionment. It's just soo sad. And just because she has a mental disorder. I just don't think it's right. Just wait until she's free. We'll see what happens then. And I don't think it will be good.

Peace & Love

S

Ohh and please become a fan of Courtney Love Cobain if you are a true fan. Thank you.

But I'm a Creep, I'm a Wierdo

How does music influence fashion? Why do we try to recreate the look of what we love to listen to and the artist's style? Well.....cause music makes the world go round!!! That's always been my view on music since I was young because I truly believe it does. What the hell would we do if we had nothing to sing and dance too, to cry to, or to just go nuts to? It would be a very dull world but what I would like to propose is that fashion and music go hand in hand. It's like peanut butter and jelly. It just works.

So let's begin with the early 80's. Wow bad bad bad fashion there! But I totally rocked it out with my bad ass little self. I thought I was Madonna so I usually dressed like her when I was little. Outfits from "like a virgin", and "material girl" were my favorites. But the best part is is that EVERYONE dressed like Madonna. She literally changed the world of fashion in her day. It's soo awesome if you think about it. She originated these crazy outfits and everyone just followed. Lace gloves, bustiers, black lace leggings, puffy chiffon skirts, and tons and tons of pearls!!!! Michael Jackson did a good job with the boys as well. Here's to the king and queen of pop!

And then came the New Kids on the Block phase. I call this the "lets see how many neon colors we can put on at one time" phase!!! Neon yellow, hot pink, neon green, and electric blue were a must have in your wardrobe. Along with side ponytails, scrunchies, and neon nail polish. And we all would pile it on and go hit up the NKOTB concerts with our mothers in tow. Us kids thought we were just wayyyyy "to cool for school" haha! All the little boys wore there leather jackets and tried to be like Joey. Ohh those were great years. The bangs were teased and hair was crimped as well. Rock it out!

The next phase was the one my parents truely wanted to murder me. We went from wanting to look like pretty girls and boys to dirty undone girls and boys. The grunge phase. We shopped at goodwill, adorned black nails, had crazy hair colors, and only wore Converse or Doc Martin sneakers. Or the classic Billy Corgan "ZERO" tee. A typical outfit in this time matched EXACTLY what we were listening to. It was the great days of Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana, Bush, R.E.M, Hole, etc, ect! And we LOVEDDDDD it all. Flannel shirts, angora men's cardigans, band tee's, a different color in my hair every day by dying it everynight with Kool-Aid(by the way that was awesome!), corduroy pants, and black converses. We sang to the music of SP's "today", and cried for a week when Kurt Cobain had died. And I hate to say it but after this music started to go downhill.

For 9th and 10th grade it was all about techno and raves, psychedelic drugs, and strobing lights. Jenga jeans, van sneakers, bright colored toped, and huge hoodies. We also started to experiment with insane looking tights. Just like the ones that we are wearing this year. Colored fishnets, pink opaque, and orange....I remember wearing a lot of orange tights. Silver mini skirts, the Delia's catalogue(don't act like you didn't order everything from that thing!), and mary janes with striped knee socks. Awesome man! I had red hair at this time as well. I had a friend color it perminitly and came home and was grounded for weeks but it was cool because I thought I looked freaking sweet!

Just a side note-For the past phases, Grunge and Techno, I was in schools for the Creative and Performing arts. We were dramatic people so we did everything over the top and very drastically. We owned the way we dressed and let it speak for us. It was art.

Okay now the next phase, I know every normal teenage girl went through. The Pop Princess phase. Just think Britney, Christina, and Jessica. Whatever they wore, we wore. That plain and simple. From the belly tops to the rhinestone body jewelry. It was hot and we were young and thought we looked mega hot as well. My senior photos were quite a crisis as I look back. One of the outfits consisted of white jeans, nike sneakers, and a XOXO top that was white and pink chiffon that I made into a belly top. And my pose was right out of the "Sometimes" video. Wow!!! haha. Now unfortunetly I copied every look that Brit did up until the end of college. BUT.....we also can't forget that around that same time it was also really cool to wear Baby Phat, Sean John, and all those other rap labels. The days of Juvenile, Nelly, and Eminen. Pretty cool people dudes to steal their style from.

As I am all grown up, I have developed my own personal style. But I do have a an itch to dress like Lady Gaga from time to time which I must admit, I do it quite well. That is about all but I would love to hear what your huge influences were! Pearl Jam? Weezer? Hole? Lil' Kim? Jay-Z? N'SYNC? Aaliaya?

And this is why music makes the world go round! Now go grab an old school album and go through the times.

Peace & Love

S

Ignorance is Bliss

I've sat here for over two hours now trying to complete what I want to get through and come across in this piece. And over and over I have deleted. I think what is so difficult for me to suceed in my view for this piece is that I cannot fully demonstrate a fulfillment of either side. Do I believe "ignorance is bliss"? Yes. Do I believe "ignorance is bliss" has cracks? Yes.

This all came about when I was dealing with my insane insomnia that has been out of control for the past couple of weeks , when I came across an amazing episode of House. The storyline basically consisted of a genius who was an addict, 1st to pain pills, then to cough syrup(this man was doing what is called "robotripping" and from what I can come up with from research online it is when you take like a bottle or two of syrup containing dextromethorphan and you get a hallucinating high.) After they cleansed him of all the dextromethorphan in his system he came back to reality. He has been using for 12 years and did not want to come back down where he came from. Suffering from major depression and a dislike to like, he found it much better to be high and happy. In the end House gave him back his cough syrup. Now as some of you say why would he do that......but why wouldn't he do that?

I know why.

.....to be continued. Like I said I have rewritten this a million times. Maybe as I write in my journal it will come out tonight and I can portray it. I'm sorry.

Ohh....I'm A Material Girl

Yes, okay it's true. You don't have to beat it out of me. I have a shopping addiction. But not just any shopping addiction, my shopping addiction is to the finer things in life. I mean why go to Forever 21 when across street is BCBG MaxAzria or why go to Aldo when you can get fabulous Jimmy Choos at Saks? And why get a necklace from anywhere but Tiffany's??(ok the last was was a lie because I do actually not like Tiffany's at all besides there diamonds. And their Diamonds are beyond....) Anyways! So let me just put you in my shoes for a day. What you're about to experience is highly fucked up but it's a true life of a shopaholic.

And zone out.......you're at work. Of course you work in fashion and of course you work in upscale fashion. You leave your store of Burberry to go next door for your 15 min break. You run into LV and kiss kiss everyone then tell them what you have in mind for this week. "Something fab that no one else would even think of having. Omg yes that's it! Ohh it's Limited Edition! Perfect. OMG. Yes. Bye bye kiss kiss." You return to work with your special smirk on your face letting all of your coworkers know that you are up to no good. You count down the next 2 1/2 hours till you go to lunch. And to fill the time you do try on's of the new London Spring Collection pieces that have just arrived. "Well I'm going to have to get this and if I get this I want this to go with. Ugh okay so how much would that be with my discount.....$1140. Well I mean that's totally worth it. These two are classic pieces I will wear for the rest of my life ya know?" Your friends give you the face of disgust in your shopping criteria. And for some reason none of their thinking ever relates to yours so you ignore and stare at the cocktail dress with matching ruffled trench. Perfect buy!

Yes! It's lunch hour. A whole hour......totally not to be used on things such as eating!!! You have things on hold in the Saavy Dept. at Nordstroms and you have to go grab and pay for the canvas/leather/thick chained LV bag that is being wrapped for you. *Note-Always get everything wrapped so at least when you feel down about yourself(maybe cause you spent your entire paycheck in one day), you can look at all the lovely gifts that you bought just for you in the corner of your room.) Grab bag, kiss kiss, and off to Saavy. Perfect timing.....50 min to go! Finally at Saavy you see all your favorite girls who of course no you by name, size, and always giving great commission. I mean hello you have a sick bod and are a perfect 2. Life couldn't get much sweeter than that when you are shopping high end. Everything fits you perfect so it's always a win win situation. Ohh now you remember what's on hold. The girls put away your fav Mike & Chris leather jacket that you've been craving for a month now and it just went to %50 off. $500 always beats $1000 you think. What if you never find this jacket anywhere else and miss out on this opportunity? You can't let that happen!!! Ohh and the girls are so great they already pulled a brand new dress from Alice & Olivia, 2 James Perse tees, a huge sweater wrap and mini skirt from Elizabeth & James, and the D&G corset that is to die for that just went on sale! Perfect!!!! No to the Alice & Olivia and fuck D&G for making a size 38 zip maybe only 3 inches up my back! And the girls can't locate it in a 40 Black anywhere!!! Ugh this sucks. Okay okay no prob whatever. I'll take the rest! You just love it. Ohh and please hang all and dress bag them. Kiss kiss goodbye! OMG did you just spend all that? This is totally why you don't bother with looking at the receipt. Too depressing. Run into Juicy Couture and grab that Chain Rocker looking bracelet you've been eyeing.

You head back into work with bags in tow and tell everyone that you got the greatest deals(LIE-you only bought 1 thing on sale), and brag about where you are going to where them too. Another 4 hours of work......blah blah blah. You put the pieces you pulled earlier back on the floor because they are just going to have to wait until next paycheck because this one might be almost done. Let's call PNC and check! OMG $72. WTF! How the hell did you spend almost $$$$$$$$ today? Ehh whatever you love your things. You have your last and final 15 min break of the day and just thinking that you burned through your paycheck is making you want to burn through this last $72. You head over to Sephora and grab some your favorite Bliss scrub and cream in Orange and Black Pepper. Ok now it's all gone. Time to relax.

Andddddddd.........yes that used to be me! I don't know how I used to do that and not even blink an eye about it. I was absolutely crazy. And I didn't stop after the malls......I went home and shopped for my favorite designers online as well. Don't you worry. Now I do still carry a shopping problem but I am getting much better with it. Or at least I am trying VERY hard. Well especially because the unemployment checks aren't really racking in for much extra than the necessities. Now I use my Victorias Secret $10 off coupons. Only go to the Saavy dept. to say hi to your friends that used to dress me.(ok and maybe grab 1 thing) And skip out on all the trips to Sak's and Shayside. I think I actually bought enough in the past 3 years to truly keep me on the best dressed list for quite some time. A treat to me today isn't a Burberry Trench but rather a new Chanel polish or costume jewelry from Kate Spade. Not what I would exactly dream of but hey my extravagant buying really just gave me a high for the day. And now, being happy and well, I have a happiness high almost all of the time. I think I got the better deal!

Peace & Shopping

S

Whore You Laid, Dream You Stole

Last evening I was in amazing luck and got to go see Emilie Autumn's "Asylum Tour", right along with her Bloody Crumpets in tow. Now I had heard of Emilie through her working with Courtney Love, who I adore, so I was quite excited to see the Asylum show. I knew it would be a lot of theatrics and a lot of screaming and a lot of craziness.......but ohh was it more!

Now for a quick bio......Courtney Love's "anarchy violinist" returns to the stage and is keeping the spotlight all to herself. With appearances on Leno and Letterman, glossy magazine covers, and guest spots on the albums of such artists as Love, Otep, Billy Corgan, and TV's "Metalocalypse," under her corset strings, Emilie Autumn's devilishly dark lyrics, metal-shredding violin solos, and industrial-strength voice reinvent "gothic" for the masses, and goths have never had so much fun. Chosen by Interview Magazine as one of their "14 Artists to Watch," the Los Angeles-born starlet's theatrical stage show is a sexy circus of glam-rock burlesque, backed by a scantily-clad girl band known to EA's devoted fans as the Bloody Crumpets.

So with that I would like to add my experience at the Asylum. It was bloody madness and fabulousness! The show started with her back up Crumpets. They were all adorned with wildly colored hair, phenomenal lingerie get ups, and very made up faces. The stage was decked out in things you would find laying around in a glorified insane asylum. Scary candles, a huge clock, wheelchairs, and such. And then out came Emilie with a rats mask covered in rhinestones and wildly fun orange-red long hair. She's was very petite but her voice spoke beyond that. All of the songs were done in perfection and choreography containing very seductive dancing and make out sessions between Emilie and her Bloody Crumpets. It was more of a theatrical musical then just a concert. It was amazing and I recommend going to see the "Asylum Tour" when it comes to a town near you! Ohh but one thing....if your a cookie cutter plain old US citizen, I do not recommend. You may be offended by the show and the people that attend such a show. That would also mean that you may be offended by me who would die to be a Bloody Crumpet! muah muah muah

http://www.emilieautumn.com/dates.html

Peace and Love

S

I'm A Free Bitch Baby

These are always my favorite blogs and I only get to do them once a month. It's December's Must Haves!!! Due to it being the holiday I will post another must have later on in the month for great gift ideas but for now just please read carefully and follow!

10. The 20th anniversary Bleach album. Nirvanas 1st album now comes with a special live concert of bleach taped in Aberdeen, Washington and has a great photo book of unseens. I LOVE it!!!

9. For my tennis lovers. Strokes of Genius. This phenomenal book gives you a play by play from the locker room to the awards ceremony of what is now known as the greatest match ever. This book and the DVD of the Wimbledon match would be a perfect gift. Federer and Nadal at their best.

8. Tons and tons of candles! Make your house or apt smell like a sugarplum for the holidays! Also a great idea for a romantic night in.

7. Eminem's Relapse album. If you want to really know what its like to be addicted and relapse and get inside someones brain who has then you need this CD. I know I am late about getting it but I did and it's been playing off the hook in my house and car.

6. Wink and Whisper fishnets from Victoria's Secret. If you love Lady Gaga's Paparazzi video and want to try to interpret look #1 then these are a must. They are the nude fistnets with the black seam up the back. Very very hot!!! Of course I own and rock them constantly!

5. A Theory, to the knee, down coat. Best investment ever. These coats are priced around $600 but the warmth that they provide is priceless. Mine has a bow around the waist. LOVE!

4. Cocktail Dresses and Suits. You can never have to many and with all these Christmas parties they will be in use. Make you and your boyfriend/girlfriend stand out. Always be the best dressed!

3. Lady Gaga's Fame Monster CD. No explanation needed.

2. A ticket to Florida States bowl game to see the most amazing coach of all time, in action for the last time. I plan on making a documentary of the week with my camcorder with VERY exclusive interviews! Wear your Garnet and Gold wherever you may be!

1. Best friends......pamper your best friends with little gifts and cards this month. It's a month to love and be thankful and you should be thankful most for your best friends and your family!

Peace and Love

S

Tell Me Why

Thank you to all that participated in this question experiment and get to know! I edited some of these due to content(you know who you are) but did my best to answer all topics.

1. If you could give one piece of advise what would it be?
Be yourself and never judge others. No one knows what it's like to walk in another person's shoes. And never give your opinion or advise to another on a topic that you are not fully educated on.

2. "First loves are never really over"....Is that true for you?
I really never thought about this. Ohh my gosh and I have no answer. Okay here's the thing....my 1st love maybe was just puppy love. I don't know but I do know I will ALWAYS care about and love him as a friend. So I think the love turns into a deep caring type love for the person. If that makes any sense at all.

3. What's your fashion secret/advise?
I don't give fashion advise because everyone has to have personal style(I would obviously prefer if you had personal style at Bloomies, Bendels, Bergdorfs, and Barneys.) My own fashion secret is to never follow the crowd. Be different, be crazy, and always be the one that everyone looks at when you walk into the room. Confidence in what you are wearing is a must.

4. Are you seeing anyone right now?
I can't answer that but I will say I am very happy ;)

5. What is the best concert you have ever attended?
Going to concerts is one of my passions. I really love going to see bands in a very small intimate setting. The best large concert I have been to was the Future Sex/Love Sounds. Justin was just phenomenal and my favorite was when he would just sit down at the piano and sing. Very talented kid.

6. In your blogs you talk a lot about fairytales, butterflies and love a lot. What keeps you going after all of the bad relationships you've been in?
1st off they are all not bad!!!! And all of them have made an impact on my life and I learned and I loved and I had fun so I wouldn't trade them in for anything. I talk a lot about love because I am just absolutely in love with love! And I talk about fairytales, soulmates, butterflies, because to me they are true. Theres nothing better then butterflies and kisses that bring you to your knees. How boring would life be without fairytales, love, and butterflies???

7. You always say that "best friends" are the most important things in life. Why?
Cause they are!!! I feel really bad for those girls that just throw their girlfriends to the waste side when they are dating someone because they are always the ones that usually get dumped or divorced and then have no one to turn to. It sucks and I absolutely have a few (*friends) that do this. Everyone does. My best friends are soo important to me because they make my life. The understand me, yell at me, cry to me, and we are eachothers biggest support when it comes to absolutely anything! I'm very lucky.

8. How important is amazing sex in a relationship?
Well I'll just speak for myself on this one but when I am in love with someone, that is really the only time I would give the "amazing sex" title to. I have to have very intense feelings for the person or be in love with them to be satisfied. But overall I just think sex is more amazing when you are in love for both people. Love is intense and so is sex so put the two together and you have perfect sex! This is all just my opinion.

9. Could you go a week long without using any bad language?
Hell no! And if I did I would feel as if I wasn't being my self so I would prefer not to, thanks!!!

10. Who is your biggest musical influence?
omg I have a TON. Music is my life! I listen to music all day and only stop when I go to sleep. It lives in me and defines me. Right now I am listening to 4 albums that inspire me in different ways. Lady Gaga-makes me want to dress up and be nuts. She is sooo original and probably one of the sweetest people I have ever heard speak. She supports wonderful causes and I think her heart is just made of gold. And she's soooo f'ing talented! Eminem-I just started listening to him again after being influenced by one of my friends. His album is really realatable and speaks to me. He is an amazing talent and doesn't hold anything back. Taylor Swift-okay so she's been playing non stop in my house and car for like 3 months. Her music is beautiful and brings a smile to my face. My favorite are her songs about how rotten boys can be! I would not be able to pick a favorite track if asks because everything she writes is outstanding. She also has a heart of gold.

Thanks!!!

S

There In My Rearview Mirror Disappearing Now

Everyone gets the "I have to get out of town" bug every now and then. I seem to get it a lot more often then others. I truly can't remember the last time I was in Pittsburgh for a full month??? Maybe June?? I don't know. All I know is that I am getting out of here on Thursday or Friday and going to see my lovely sorority sisters that reside in Baltimore. And Friday cannot come fast enough! For those of you that are like myself and like to escape.....here are some things that I do to help me get by. Please feel free to add any additions!

1. Dance. Nothing let's me feel as free and far far far away from reality is a good dance class. I prefer ballet, of course, and try to attend twice a week. Right now I would die to have my old schedule when I was younger which was ballet for 6-7 hours a day. Now for those of you who did not grow up with classical training and would rather try something beginner, there are soo many options out there. There's yoga, pilates, zumba, African dance(I love these classes), and even classes at your local gym. My girlfriend Sharon runs a fabulous "dance the pounds off" class which is cardio and fun! A basic workout can also do the trick. Try one of these. I swear it works!

2. Disappear into music. This is involved in my daily routine but I happen to live and breathe music. I do not watch television and always have music blasting. It's such a great art form. There is nothing better to me. Pick up a guitar or try another instrument that you have always been dying to learn. It's never to late to further your musical education. I had to take a step backwards and relearn how to read music. I knew how to all of middle and high school but I lost it.

3. Write. I think I just stated in my previous blog that if I just have my journal and this little blog everything is a-okay! I know this isn't for everyone but I do believe you should try it just once in your life. This can also mesh in well with your music. Songwriting is just about the greatest relief and getaway you can get. My favorite is writing love songs. Love and Heartbreak and everything in between!

4. Drive. Just get in your car and drive. I have a friend that is constantly driving around to random places and I never got it. But now I do and I realized that this is his escape of the day. He turns up the music real loud and just gets in the zone.

5. Going to the movies/theatre/ballet/opera/musical. You can never go wrong! Going to the theatre, although most of you may already know this, is my absolute favorite thing to do. As soon as you walk into the red carpeted, gold windy staircase, imaginary land, you will already be long gone. Ohh and when the orchestra starts and the curtain opens......well it's just a feeling that NOTHING can replace. It's the most amazing high you can get......if you used to perform at all I'm sure you all know this.

Well I kinda of took this to my own preferences and I am sorry about that. This is best for the person who is in love with Arts. But I do believe, everyone has a performing side inside of them just dying to get out. So please go ahead and give these ago when you need to escape and feel free and released from reality.

Peace and Love,

S

I Touch Myself I Can't Get Enough

LADY GAGA 1st appeared on the music scene about a year ago(1st Album release being in August 2008 to be exact). But in all reality she has been on the music scene her whole life. Playing piano by the age of four, writing her first own piano ballad at the age of 13, and performing at open mic nights at age 14. She was granted early admission to NYU's Tisch School of the Arts where she studied music and songwriting. She shortly withdrew herself from college so she could focus more on her passion. She began living and breathing the LES(lower east side) nightlife and began her performing career. And what a career it turned out to be.

I was not, by any means, one of the early fans to jump on the Lady Gaga bandwagon. I do not listen to radio and rarely hangout at nightclubs where I would have heard her music. As my friends began to tell me I had to hear her, I finally obliged. The fist song I listed to was "Love Game". And the rest is history. But, yes her singles are good, I actually prefer her non singles. I've been listening to The Fame for over 3 months now.....late start I know, but I find it all quite interesting and irresistible. The music she writes is very raw, very out there, and very real. The Fame Monster has the same characteristics except this time she even took it a bit further with her lyrics. And all throughout the Album she states "I'm a free bitch baby". As she and we all should be.

She, out of anyone else, I believe is the best role model. Everything she does is for her fans. She works her ass off. She always states that she practice her choreography until she bleeds, and never once have I heard her give an interview that within the 1st 2 minutes, she doesn't thank her fans and thank God for giving her such wonderful fans. But what I really want to focus on how she is herself and that's that. She said she felt like a freak in high school and had tons of creativity just dying to get outside of her. We all know high school is hard and I know I felt like a freak because I didn't have the same interests as others. Lady Gaga wants to create an atmosphere where everyone can feel free and be themselves. And although a lot of people say "she's so strange, or eww that's weird", that's also saying that if you don't get it don't listen to her. She is walking theatre. And she will also state that "she likes to live every minute in performance". She also does not watch TV.....that makes me feel a little less of a freak because neither do I. Leave me with my music and my journal and this blog and I am quite happy.

One quote that I found very interesting was this: "In the deepest hour of the night, I confess to myself three things; I would die if I was forbidden to write, forbidden to love, or forbidden to fashion." and also "I like to create an atmosphere for my fans where they have a freak to hang out with and they don't feel alone"

I love and find myself relating to this tremendously. To end this I would like to say.......nothing is better than being yourself. Be different, be creative, dream and go after them, and being who truly are is was better then being a cookie cutter copy of what we "should" be. Fuck the rules.

So not only to I give Lady Gaga my blessings, love, and loyalty; I also want to thank her for even letting myself go even further inside and pull out the dark and different. And just on a lighter note......she may just be the sweetest things alive, at only 5'1'' and 110 she is a tiny little thing with a huge heart. Her Mom is always with her and she comes from a very tight knit Italian family like myself. And of course she's a hot one because we all know the most beautiful girls have dark brown eyes and blonde hair. If anyone wants to be a jem and come with me to go see her perform, since she is not coming to Pittsburgh, please let me know. She describes her show as an Electric Pop Opera and the stage will be shaped as if you are at the Opera(which Gaga describes to be the most powerful theatrics). If any of you lovely little fans of mine do get to go PLEASE post photos and tell us all about it!

Peace and Love

S

Imagine All The People

Today was, by far, the hardest day I've had to get through since I got out of COPE. I went into it last night very positive and as I said my prayers I did ask for help with today, but it was just a little too much to handle. Mostly it was the memories. I don't remember my last 3 Thanksgivings. For good reason of course. The last 2, I didn't even attend due to my depression. Although I am a very happy woman right now, I founds myself not being able to deal. It's very hard too because no one understands you. I'm am soo lucky to have people in my life that do understand and for that I am VERY thankful for my Cope girls.

My Thanksgiving consisted of sleeping, sleeping, and more sleeping. I am soooo happy the day is over! I couldn't bring myself to eat and have been a lot of Klonopin to help me. Like I said I am just very glad the day is over. The holidays are going to be rough but I know I can do it. I am going to fight everyday and I want you guys to do so as well. It's soo easy to turn back to your old coping mechanisms during the hoidays. Go back to not eating, and pharmacuticals sounds soo good right now but I WILL NOT let myself fall back into that. Today I slipped. I'll be brutally honest with you about that but this is not how I am going to handle this holiday season. At this time I would just like to list what I am thankful for and whom and then I am going to go back to bed and wake up tomorrow smiling and free.

I am thankful for my health, at this time last year I would have never thought I would have been here today to spend with my family. My wonderful family who cried with me at the dinner table as we said grace and how lucky I am to be here and thanking God for giving me soo much strenth. My friends; ya'll are AMAZING and I will stand by all of you through the good, and the bad, just like you all have for me. I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and food to eat. All of my little dogs that I play Aunt to and of course my cat Sunny.

I hope everyone had a great day and I wish this could have been more positive but I am just being honest, as I think everyone should be. Now I am off to recored a song from my iOKi application to send to my gorgeous little Grey!

Peace and Love

S

*dedicated to: Emily, Maggie, Joanna, Kara, Melanie, Em, Kate G, Kate P. Kaylie, Jess, Jessica K, Jenn, Sarah, Ashley, Blare, Melissa, Keith, and everyone else who sometimes struggles. We can do this. Just take it one day at a time and love as much as you can!

Beyonce & Lady Gaga

Beyonce featuring Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce

"Videophone"

Behind The Scenes

Beyonce shops

In February 2009 Beyonce said:
"Honestly, I'm very frugal. I haven't bought a car since I was 16 or any diamonds since I was 17.
I have a lot of property. I've invested my money and I don't have to make any more, thank God, because I'm set. I'm now able really to be free and just do things that make me happy."

Now keep in mind that 20,000 british pounds = 33,222 US dollars as you read the next article.


"We may have given her kudos last week for shopping on the great British high street, but Beyoncé obviously still knows how to spend like a true diva. Our sources at Harvey Nichols tell us Ms Knowles came in to their Knightsbridge branch on Saturday afternoon and spent a mahoosive £20,000 on designer merch!
And want to know what amazing things filled B’s shopping basket? Gladiator crystal sandals (£1675) and a bombshell clutch (£825) from Christopher Kane’s Versus range...

...a Rodarte biker cowl neck jacket (£2275), a safety pin matador jacket by Moschino (£2845), the Alexander Wang “Coco” studded duffle bag (£820)...
...a leather capelet (£570), leather hooded biker jacket (£1235), 13R vintage biker jacket (£1315), a Jade Jagger Jezebel tee (from £85), Philip Lim 3.1 gold sequin tux jacket (£790) and cashmere cardigans (from £415), Erickson Beamon necklace (£795), Lara Bohinc bracelet (£365) and earrings (£310) and bikinis from Eres, Juicy, Marc by Marc Jacobs and Missoni Mare (from £170). Phew!
Beyoncé’s in the middle of her European tour so we’re hoping to spot some of those purchases on stage in the next few weeks, especially the Versus sandals which we adore. A HN spokesperson told us; “she looked amazing, chatted to staff and was really great”. Gorgeous and down to earth with this new wardrobe? Grrrr."

article from:
http://www.graziadaily.co.uk/fashion/archive/2009/11/23/beyonce-s-harvey-nichs-shopping-spree.htm

Caught In A Bad Romance

A lot of people told me to take this down last night and so I did. But it's back up because that's what I want to potray to my audience is that, if I had kept this peice down.....I wouldn't be being myself. So enjoy!


I just figure in this situation......if boys don't want me to write bad peices about them then THEY SHOULDN'T DO BAD THINGS, THEY SHOULDN'T DO BAD THINGS, THEY SHOULDN'T DO BAD THINGS.....

Well guess what.....a someone did a very bad thing. I've cried my tears and they are all dry now. What I didn't know that the person I was "talking to" turned out to be a complete fake. By the end of it all, I didn't even know who he was, there were so many personalities. And I didn't know "taking things slow" meant that sleeping with other people was a-okay! Especially doing this with a girl who you spoke horribly upon to me. Way to go. Such a great, nice guy.

I don't really feel like wasting anymore time on you but I do want everyone else to know what a douchbag you are.

Don't worry I am long gone out of your life and I am soo much better than this situation, I don't even think you know. Go play on playa. "i have too much going on and my life and have no idea what i want." Wierd, cause I know you told me you wanted me many of times but that's okay I know it was all lies now. "i never meant to hurt you but i told you not to expect too much from me." Don't worry my dear I didn't. After you switched personalities for the 3rd time I was beginning to think that this had to be a joke. And that's exactly what it was.....a joke. But guess what, jokes on you. You slept with another girl in MY friends house with MY friends around. Big mistake buddy, big mistake.

It all comes down to this though. I'm better than you and your childish ways. And I really do wish I knew the name of your ex girlfriend so I could call her and tell her all of the awful things that you said about her. You'll never find anyone like me, as pretty as me, or as smart and talented as me. You really messed up cause I have no use for you anymore. And never will. Grow up please, stop lying because Pittsburgh is small and guess what I hear it all, and most of all STOP TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE. It's so immature it's sickening. You once told me that you wanted to "make all of my dreams come true" hahahahahaha!!!!!! Wow all I got from you were bad dreams. Ohh and just for fun.....you're not that great of a kisser.

To all my readers......his name is ******** and his last name begins with a T. Take a guess. Stay far away girls. You are all too good for him.

Ohh and the best thing I had to get over this were my friends. I love you all so much and thank you. Especially all you boys who said you would beat him up for me. But sorry can't let you do that. You're way to good to get close with someone that can be so mean.

Goodbye

S

"********, I hope you grow a heart because this is not how you treat people."

Tina Knowles

Borrowing Solange’s infamous pink lipstick, Miss Tina Knowles [or just plain Miss Knowles if you're nasty] was spotted heading back to her hotel after watching her spawn shake, rattling, and roll around on stage in London on Monday night.

Being escorted by a mysterious friend [I'll leave the guessing up to you] she appeared none too amused to be bum rushed by the pesky paparazzi. Shit, she wasn’t trying to miss the “Video Phone” premiere. She and her friend got to practice the moves for Grown & Sexy Night at the juke joint.

article from:
http://www.crunktastical.net/2009/11/17/tina-hotel/

Mathew Knowles

looking for some new poeple to follow on twitter?

follow and welcome a new twitter, Mathew Knowles.

http://twitter.com/MathewKnowles

He has 249 friends and is following 9 people including:

Michelle Williams, Kelly Rowland, and of course Ms. Quenn of twits Solange.

Suprisingly Taraji P. Henson and Alicia Keys also made his top 9.

Cousin Angie Beyince was left out of his selection, but you can follow her at

http://twitter.com/AngieBeyince

Lady Gaga on Beyonce...

MTV.com – Monday night was the premiere of Lady Gaga and Beyoncé’s sexy, Hype Williams-directed “Video Phone” video, featuring the two pop stars dancing and posing pin-up style with massive toy guns and matching leotards.
The clip is charged with energy, and the cynics out there might wonder if putting two sizzling divas in a room together created any kind of rivalry. But Gaga says there was no such thing.
“What I was excited about is with B, I had no ego,” Gaga told MTV News about the collaboration. “Neither of us had an ego. It wasn’t about competition. It was about, like, ‘Man let’s give the world what they want. Let’s do a real girl-power collaboration where we support one other.’ ”
For the Day-Glo-tinged video, Gaga ditched her typical avant-garde look and styled herself more like Beyoncé. “I said, ‘I want to do you in your video, and I want to tribute you. I want to dress up like you,’ ” she recalled telling her co-star. “And Hype Williams … was so excited. He was like, ‘Gaga I want no makeup on your face.’ It was really stripped down — real Beyoncé hair, and we wore the same outfit in the video, and I [paid tribute to] her.”
Gaga, whose own gothic-pop aesthetic has grown more elaborate as her popularity has risen, said she wanted to honor B for creating her own style. “I wanted to [work with her] because this was an era for her in her career where she defined herself aesthetically,” she said. “And that should be applauded that a woman did that. She’s so great at what she does.”

I AM...YOURS in a year with a new album

Beyoncé tends to walk a straight and narrow path, but she’s no nun. She’s way too sassy, her dancing is too sexy, and her neck cocks too hard for that. On the superstar’s new DVD, I Am… Yours: An Intimate Performance at Wynn Las Vegas, out Monday, audiences experience a show-stopping event as Sasha Fierce and Bey come out to play.
Strutting out in classic Jean-Paul Gaultier, Beyoncé hits the stage with “Hello” before bringing the audience in to help her move through “Irreplaceable.” After a “Sweet Dreams” medley featuring Anita Baker’s “Sweet Love,” Jay-Z’s other half sings “If I Were a Boy” and surprisingly grabs her crotch during the line, “Wish you were a better man.” And to the delight of concertgoers, Beyoncé switches from her R&B roots to the rock tunes of Alanis Morisette’s “You Oughta Know,” while getting on all fours and whipping her hair to and fro.
After intermission, the woman of the hour returns in a black sequined leotard for a Broadway-fashioned narration of her life story, told through song and dance. From Destiny’s Child’s cover of Michael Jackson’s “I Wanna Be Where You Are,” to DC’s first hit “No, No, No,” to her debut solo album, to the YouTube phenomenon “Single Ladies,” Beyoncé shares her magical story. She even throws in an anecdote, describing how Columbia Records failed to like her song choices for Dangerously in Love. She reveals that executives told her before its release that it didn’t have one hit, to which Bey was sly to agree. “I didn’t have one. I had five.” Ouch.
Beyoncé’s I Am… Yours DVD will be edited down into an hour-long TV special, airing November 26 at 9 p.m. EST on ABC.

–Tanya Remekie - rap-up.com
in other news:

While ending one of her tour stops at the Trent FM Arena in Nottingham Nottingham, United Kingdom Beyonce says:
"... I'll see you in a year with a new album..."

Caption LeToya

LeToya rockin some minx nails.

What do you think LeToya is thinking?

LaTavia Roberson

pics of LaTavia taken from her myspace. check out her page at:

http://myspace.com/thereallatavia

LeToya Luckett Interview

stay together or stray together?

JAY-Z AND BEYONCE
A COULPE IN CRISIS?

They say diamonds are forever, but is there a crack in this rock? Hip hop weekly weighs in on the drama surrounding the platinum Carters.

By Cynthia Horner

Since photos of Beyonce’s bodyguard Julius Hollander appearing to have bold red lipstick staining his lips accompanied by another damning photo of Beyonce shielding her mouth hit the internet, bloggers have been chatting about Beyonce’s alleged cheating ways. People have been putting two and two together and have come to the conclusion that Beyonce and her handsome bodyguard may have been having a fling overseas while Jay-Z remained stateside.
What’s interesting is that following the publication of these photos, Jay cancelled a series of concerts and flew right to Europe to spend a little bit of time with his much younger wife, however the damage had already been done. Stories about what may have happened between Beyonce and her bodyguard had already reached all the major gossip sites, one insider said he’s not surprised if Beyonce has been looking for romance as Jay’s schedule is so hectic that, “She sees the bodyguard more than her husband.”

Who is the woman in the tight pants?
Although the couple are tight lipped about what may or may not have taken place, other tantalizing photos have now surfaced, this time with Jay-Z and a sexy mysterious woman entering a posh New York City eatery. Both took pains to conceal their identity, but the paps were able to capture them before being stopped. Were these photos of Hay and a friend leaked in an effort to preserve his macho image or was this an innocent business outing?
Is there trouble in paradise? The Carters have been married less than two years, which is not long by most standards, although considerably longer than most other A-list Hollywood marriages. Many of these celebrities haven’t even made it past the first year. And both Beyonce and Jay-Z are high profile attractive celebrities whose careers often take them in two different directions and different parts of the world.
Although there are a number of photos of Beyonce and Jay-Z cozying up and going on dinner dates and vacations, according t o sources close to Hip Hop Weekly the two have actually been singing the marital blues. Who will ever forget the disastrous night at the VMA Awards when Jay’s artist Kanye West treated award recipient Taylor Swift in an inappropriate manner, causing a horrified Beyonce to try to make a way for Taylor to get her moment later in the show. This was done without the consent and approval of Jay-Z who was rumored to be so incensed by Beyonce’s magnanimous gesture which could have been seen as a diss to the Roc, that he later attended VMA after parties without his wife, opting to hang out with Rihanna instead.

Are the two at odds?
This was not the first time the two have been at odds. In 2007 it was rumored that the couple had broken up for awhile, partially over their opposing views toward parenthood. Jay was ready, but she was not. People close to the golden-haired superstar said that Jay has been ready to have kids with her for quite some time, but she wasn’t ready to settle down. According to a report on Mediatakeout.cm, the pressure got to be too much and they broke up. The two reconciled and married in April 2008 but recently, when asked about her plans for motherhood, Beyonce was said to have replied, “I definitely want one (a baby), but I’m not ready for all that,” she said of the delivery room experience. “I don’t think a person should see that before her time. It was little much. But I’m so in love with my nephew, and every time I see him I’m like, ‘God, he’s just amazing.” Jay-Z, on the other hand, has been telling the pres that they are ready to settle down and start a family. “Most people dream of having a family someday,” he told the New York Daily News. “So I’m just an American boy.”

Well, he did put a ring it!
Although Hip Hop Weekly insiders close to the couple believe that there could be something going on between Beyonce and the bodyguard, Beyonce has been going out of her way to be more affectionate with her husband in public. She even said at the MTV Europe Music Awards “There’s only one person I want to thank and that’s Jay for putting a ring on it.” And onlookers said she then planted a big red lipstick print right on his lip!
So will the couple stay together or stray together? Only time will tell.

Think You're Really HOT HOT

Okay now go ahead and take a guess who I am about to talk about........okay don't because I know you are ALL thinking Rafael Nadal because recently he has been my major discussion piece but think of who I truly have adored for many many many years. Did you guess it? Well you should have! It's Mr. Johnny Depp!!! Ohh lala <3.
Johnny has affected my life in soo many ways I cannot even tell you. But first and foremost Johnny made me realize what I like in a man. It's those dark eyes and dark hair. I'm a sucker for them everytime. Although the guy I am seeing right now is just about as sweet as an angel and feel like he's just way to good to be true......he also has the hottest dark eyes and hair. Soo hot! Okay now back to Johnny.

I started watching Depp films around when he starred in Edward Scissor Hands. Yeah he was hot in that but it was more of his later work that I really began to see him as my #1 hottest guy in the world. Benny & Joon, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and of course Blow. In the film, Blow, I don't think he could have gotten much hotter. Airport scene with white suit anyone??? 1st off he had that long hair and those sexy eyes and he was bad. Okay I have to stop talking about that now. Making me hot. Now Johnny is the perfect life partner to Ms. Paradis and lives in France with her and his two children. And as much as I did love the "bad" Johnny in his multiple drug movies, etc., I truly respect the new Johnny and what he is doing for film.

Over the past recent years Johnny has dedicated himself to work that his children can watch. He's amazing! So with that we got Finding Neverland, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Corpse Bride, all of the fabulous Pirate's of the Caribbean films, and coming out soon Alice and Wonderland. I've been waiting for this one forever!!!! I'm a child at heart though so as much as I loved his pre children work, I adore his post children work just the same.

Another great thing about Johhny Depp is that yes girls love him, but guys love his just as much as well. He is one cool dude. One of my favorite facts about Johnny is that he had been playing in bands since he was 12! And we all know how much I love my rocker boys. He is very relatable and down to earth. And an amazing role model. Below are a few fun facts about Johnny. Enjoy!

1. Johnny owned the very popular Viper Room nightclub on Sunset in LA where unfortunately River Phoenix OD'd at.

2. He lost his virginity at the age of 13 to a groupie of the band he was playing in at the time.

3. He's an obvious sucker for love like myself, being married once and engaged on four different occasions.

4. Mr. Depp has smoked cigarettes since the age of 12.

Love and Peace

S

Parental Discretion Is Advised

Photo looks like a pile of candy doesn't it!?

Like I said from the start of this whole writing thing, and I did give fair warning if you had the time to read my "info" section on here, that there would be talk about Pain Management......and well today is the day. We're gonna do a little talk about all the lovely pills of the world....benzo's, opiates, amphetamines and much more. 1st off though I would like to state Do Not Do What I Do. I am a highly experienced pill popper and have done days and days of research over the years. I am also, if you can't notice, a huge hypochondriac. So before I touch any type of medication that my doctor suggests or someone might give me I do a lot of researching, unless I have already taken it before.

Well tonight I was in for quite the surprise. I have been sick for almost 3 weeks now and although it is probably just a virus that needs to get out of my system, due to my huge anxiety disorder(I think I am ALWAYS dying), I decided that it was in my best nature to go back to my doctors office for a little visit. All was fun and games until tonight when I pull out the informational guide on a antibiotic I was given for my head and chest. I'm getting better at trusting the doctors and letting them give me what they want even though I usually like to diagnose myself and choose what I take. I should have stuck to my guns today because whatever the hell antibiotic I was given has warnings of DEATH! That is why I am up right now writing this because I cannot sleep! I even took an extra klonopin to calm me but that's not working so now I'm just going to not sleep cause I'm a hot mess from reading this info on the great Avelox.

"Avelox can cause effects that may be serious or even cause death." Great!

You know how there has been a huge outbreak of prescription drug overdoses? This is why! No one reads the pamphlets and even though I LOVEEEEEE my peeps at my target pharmacy who know my name, we chat more about fun stuff over the risks of the meds and how if they are mixed they could be dangerous. I do this on my own. I have had panic disorder since I was 21 so believe me I'm checking if my outside pharmaceuticals mesh ok with my normal daily ones. Here are a few tips I've caught onto over the years to make sure that I, myself, have never od'd.


Top 10 Things You May Not Know About Prescription Meds:

10. Do not ever mix the same class of drugs together when taking opiates and benzo's.
No cocktails of klonopin, xanax, and atavan. Or perc's, vic's, and lortabs. That's a death sentence.

9. ALWAYS read what you are taking. I mean I may die tonight because I decided to be a hard ass today and take this "avelox" without reading!

8. Crazy things can happen when on Ambien if you don't put yourself to bed right as you take it. I had a friend who redid her entire closet one night and didn't remember ANY of it!

7. Be like my Dad. His doc put him on Lipator and my Dad REALLY REALLY didn't want to be on it so the next time he went to his cardiologist he brought in 20 pages of research on the negative affects of the drug. He no longer has to take Lipitor.

6. On a psychiatric point of view you MUST do your work. Especially on anti-depressants. I believe asking people and friends that you know that have been on them so you can get a clear idea. Doctors probably have not been on then so what they suggest is usually shit!

5. Don't get addicted to tranquilizers. Benzo's(atavan, xanax, klonopin, valium), and alcohol are the ONLY drugs you can die from withdrawal from. I know that sounds nuts but it's the truth. I wish I was never given any of them but that's what they give you when you have anxiety disorders and you're basically immediately screwed. It's amazing what they can do but is it worth the price in the long run?

4. If you are in pain always get a narcotic(I prefer a good percacet or lortab.) Anti-Inflammatory pills are a bore and do not work. I had to learn about all of this pain management business this summer when my 2 bulging disks in my back left me barely walking.

3. It is absolutely fine to take adderoll and klonopin together or one during the day and one at night. The mesh well together. I don't take adderoll but some of my friends do that are still in grad school.

2. No matter how bad you want to sleep DO NOT MIX YOUR DRUGS!!!!!! I used to do this and then I learned of Heath Ledger. He and I were basically taking the same things minus the oxycotin. I've discovered Benedryl can be a great sleep aid and its safe with everything.

1. When given a cough always get one with a narcotic because I know for me, I'll be up all night coughing and that is just misery and like I always say....life is too short to be unhappy. TussionEx, Promethazine(purple drank for you rappers out there, and Hydromet are the best and you will sleep great!

Hope I could help next time you need to take a drug!

Peace and Love

S