Most of us are not perfect children. Actually I'm sure none of us are but some us do cause a little more pain and drama to our parents and family than others. For those of you that are coming from this place and have been through some very serious matters, this is for you.
Last week around this time one of my very dear friends made a point of it to really reach out and thank his parents for being there by his side after all the pain and fear he has caused him. And he reminded me that I should do the same. I followed and thanked my parents for the unconditional love they give me, no matter what the situation I may be going through. It's really hard for me to do this sometimes because I usually begin to cry. I just feel so blessed and lucky to have made it through to be able to tell my parents I love them each day. I, along with a few of my friends, are truly very lucky to be alive. There is a point though where where we get fed up with the need to walk on stones around our parents and having them watch you like a hawk at all times. Even if you are a thousand miles away. This comes from fear. From the time where they lied awake not knowing what tomorrow would bring for their dear child. Would they be sad, would tomorrow be the day that they overdose, and why and how did this happen to their child? I am trying to understand my parents better and the constant watching and worrying even though I am currently doing very well(so well that it scares me at times and I have to pinch myself). Now when you are in this mist of a mess, I do and can see where they are coming from. Sometimes though all the love and worry turns into screaming matches and "I hate yous". This solves nothing but when in a bad place you are soo beyond gone that you don't know what to do, what to say, where to turn, and express most of it all through anger. And who does this anger get taken out on the most......those that you love and care about. I've taken a lot just from helping a couple friends and seeing their attitudes and moods being extremely negative and almost mean at times. It's not meant to be towards us but you are soo aggitated and lost you lose control. I can handle this because I've been there. But most of our parents have not. This is where we need to come up with a solution between the one at risk and the close family and friends. Do you have any solutions that have worked best for you in these times? I am still trying to find a way to be rational when things are brought up. My two dear friends that are having a hard time right now use screaming matches as a way of coping. We know it's not the right thing but when put on the spot that is just whats going to happen. I tried to find further information on this problem involving communication.
As you can see by watching Intervention or Celebrity Rehab or by just reading the Rolling Stone article with Eminem that I wrote about last evening; You will see that when in rehab, while on drugs, while dealing with depression and anxiety, that you are sooooo far out that you are just a shell of yourself at the time. You're angry. Who wants to be a prisoner to a substance or wake up everyday hoping today may be the day you die? Nobody and unless you have been there it's actually truly impossible to explain. Our parents try soo hard and they go to classes and try to learn about these diseases and basically do EVERYTHING in their power to try to understand. But it's something that you cannot understand no matter how much you study or how much we try to tell you how we feel. It's not like cancer where you know what is going on and what is or may happen. This is a lifetime disease and the days are unknown. I wake up and wonder why I am still doing ok. That's how scared I am from the fact that I know one of these days I will most likely face that nightmare again. Parents don't get that so even when you are having really great days you can within 24 hours be having a bad day where you want to give up or turn to a substance.
A great observation of this is shown through the documentary, Britney: For the Record. This documentary was filmed about 8 months after Britney had her last stay at the hospital and in the film, Britney, and her father show the pain that Britney's disorder have affected her and her family. The worst part of Britney's case though is that she still, after 3 entire years in January, is still under a conservatorship through her father which basically allows her to have enough freedom of those at age 17. This is a great film to watch when you feel like you have to hard from your parents and life in general. And even though Britney states a couple times that everything could have been/be a lot worse that can happen and how grateful she is to be alive, she is basically a prisoner to the law. At the time this was filmed, Britney was not even allowed to drive as one of the laws that her father made. Can you imagine not being able to get in your car and drive? Her father loves her and you can see that a lot. A couple times in the film, Jamie(Brit's dad), begins to cry just by looking at Britney or seeing her smile. Both my mother and father have done this from time to time since I have been well. It's tears of joy and tears just for the fact that we are alive. Yesterday afternoon I had to drive my Dad to get his car and I was singing Taylor Swift really loud and obnoxiously and he began to cry. It saddens me that I've caused them so much fear and pain that they cry when they see me happy and safe because they thought they may never see that again. In Britney's situation she doesn't have someone just asking her 20 questions a day, she is actually under law by her parents. She gets an allowance, told what she can do and with whom, and is NOT going to get better if this keeps going on. I mean what the hell do her medical records say that is soo awful that she must be under lock and key by her father who was a raging alcoholic and did not treat her mother or her brother and sister well throughout.....well actually just about up until 4-5 years ago when he was able to finally get clean. I watch the news and see these addicts with mental problems robbing and raping and they don't seem to get it as bad. The law is awful and you're definitely not treated like a person but rather a number that is soo diseased that it should have no right to have any say. "I just cope with it every day....It's better not to feel anything at all and have hope than to feel the other way . . . It's bad. I'm sad." Does anybody know why she's still under this conservatorship? Can you imagine being 29 years old and not be able to make your own decisions? This is what I call an EXTREME way to parents a child with medical disorders. It's just not right.
So as much as I get annoyed, and my dear friends get annoyed we must remember there are people going through the same things we are. And what it's called is love. Whether it's screaming, threatening to do something, or giving you the "where, who, how long, what ya doing?", we need to understand that our parents are just as scared, if not more, then we are. And if you haven't seen this Documentary, I highly recommend it. It's a very sad insight on a girl who would do anything to just be normal and has lost control of her life. It brings you back down to earth in a big way.
Last week around this time one of my very dear friends made a point of it to really reach out and thank his parents for being there by his side after all the pain and fear he has caused him. And he reminded me that I should do the same. I followed and thanked my parents for the unconditional love they give me, no matter what the situation I may be going through. It's really hard for me to do this sometimes because I usually begin to cry. I just feel so blessed and lucky to have made it through to be able to tell my parents I love them each day. I, along with a few of my friends, are truly very lucky to be alive. There is a point though where where we get fed up with the need to walk on stones around our parents and having them watch you like a hawk at all times. Even if you are a thousand miles away. This comes from fear. From the time where they lied awake not knowing what tomorrow would bring for their dear child. Would they be sad, would tomorrow be the day that they overdose, and why and how did this happen to their child? I am trying to understand my parents better and the constant watching and worrying even though I am currently doing very well(so well that it scares me at times and I have to pinch myself). Now when you are in this mist of a mess, I do and can see where they are coming from. Sometimes though all the love and worry turns into screaming matches and "I hate yous". This solves nothing but when in a bad place you are soo beyond gone that you don't know what to do, what to say, where to turn, and express most of it all through anger. And who does this anger get taken out on the most......those that you love and care about. I've taken a lot just from helping a couple friends and seeing their attitudes and moods being extremely negative and almost mean at times. It's not meant to be towards us but you are soo aggitated and lost you lose control. I can handle this because I've been there. But most of our parents have not. This is where we need to come up with a solution between the one at risk and the close family and friends. Do you have any solutions that have worked best for you in these times? I am still trying to find a way to be rational when things are brought up. My two dear friends that are having a hard time right now use screaming matches as a way of coping. We know it's not the right thing but when put on the spot that is just whats going to happen. I tried to find further information on this problem involving communication.
As you can see by watching Intervention or Celebrity Rehab or by just reading the Rolling Stone article with Eminem that I wrote about last evening; You will see that when in rehab, while on drugs, while dealing with depression and anxiety, that you are sooooo far out that you are just a shell of yourself at the time. You're angry. Who wants to be a prisoner to a substance or wake up everyday hoping today may be the day you die? Nobody and unless you have been there it's actually truly impossible to explain. Our parents try soo hard and they go to classes and try to learn about these diseases and basically do EVERYTHING in their power to try to understand. But it's something that you cannot understand no matter how much you study or how much we try to tell you how we feel. It's not like cancer where you know what is going on and what is or may happen. This is a lifetime disease and the days are unknown. I wake up and wonder why I am still doing ok. That's how scared I am from the fact that I know one of these days I will most likely face that nightmare again. Parents don't get that so even when you are having really great days you can within 24 hours be having a bad day where you want to give up or turn to a substance.
A great observation of this is shown through the documentary, Britney: For the Record. This documentary was filmed about 8 months after Britney had her last stay at the hospital and in the film, Britney, and her father show the pain that Britney's disorder have affected her and her family. The worst part of Britney's case though is that she still, after 3 entire years in January, is still under a conservatorship through her father which basically allows her to have enough freedom of those at age 17. This is a great film to watch when you feel like you have to hard from your parents and life in general. And even though Britney states a couple times that everything could have been/be a lot worse that can happen and how grateful she is to be alive, she is basically a prisoner to the law. At the time this was filmed, Britney was not even allowed to drive as one of the laws that her father made. Can you imagine not being able to get in your car and drive? Her father loves her and you can see that a lot. A couple times in the film, Jamie(Brit's dad), begins to cry just by looking at Britney or seeing her smile. Both my mother and father have done this from time to time since I have been well. It's tears of joy and tears just for the fact that we are alive. Yesterday afternoon I had to drive my Dad to get his car and I was singing Taylor Swift really loud and obnoxiously and he began to cry. It saddens me that I've caused them so much fear and pain that they cry when they see me happy and safe because they thought they may never see that again. In Britney's situation she doesn't have someone just asking her 20 questions a day, she is actually under law by her parents. She gets an allowance, told what she can do and with whom, and is NOT going to get better if this keeps going on. I mean what the hell do her medical records say that is soo awful that she must be under lock and key by her father who was a raging alcoholic and did not treat her mother or her brother and sister well throughout.....well actually just about up until 4-5 years ago when he was able to finally get clean. I watch the news and see these addicts with mental problems robbing and raping and they don't seem to get it as bad. The law is awful and you're definitely not treated like a person but rather a number that is soo diseased that it should have no right to have any say. "I just cope with it every day....It's better not to feel anything at all and have hope than to feel the other way . . . It's bad. I'm sad." Does anybody know why she's still under this conservatorship? Can you imagine being 29 years old and not be able to make your own decisions? This is what I call an EXTREME way to parents a child with medical disorders. It's just not right.
So as much as I get annoyed, and my dear friends get annoyed we must remember there are people going through the same things we are. And what it's called is love. Whether it's screaming, threatening to do something, or giving you the "where, who, how long, what ya doing?", we need to understand that our parents are just as scared, if not more, then we are. And if you haven't seen this Documentary, I highly recommend it. It's a very sad insight on a girl who would do anything to just be normal and has lost control of her life. It brings you back down to earth in a big way.
Here's a little sneak peak
Peace & Love
S
