Imagine All The People

Today was, by far, the hardest day I've had to get through since I got out of COPE. I went into it last night very positive and as I said my prayers I did ask for help with today, but it was just a little too much to handle. Mostly it was the memories. I don't remember my last 3 Thanksgivings. For good reason of course. The last 2, I didn't even attend due to my depression. Although I am a very happy woman right now, I founds myself not being able to deal. It's very hard too because no one understands you. I'm am soo lucky to have people in my life that do understand and for that I am VERY thankful for my Cope girls.

My Thanksgiving consisted of sleeping, sleeping, and more sleeping. I am soooo happy the day is over! I couldn't bring myself to eat and have been a lot of Klonopin to help me. Like I said I am just very glad the day is over. The holidays are going to be rough but I know I can do it. I am going to fight everyday and I want you guys to do so as well. It's soo easy to turn back to your old coping mechanisms during the hoidays. Go back to not eating, and pharmacuticals sounds soo good right now but I WILL NOT let myself fall back into that. Today I slipped. I'll be brutally honest with you about that but this is not how I am going to handle this holiday season. At this time I would just like to list what I am thankful for and whom and then I am going to go back to bed and wake up tomorrow smiling and free.

I am thankful for my health, at this time last year I would have never thought I would have been here today to spend with my family. My wonderful family who cried with me at the dinner table as we said grace and how lucky I am to be here and thanking God for giving me soo much strenth. My friends; ya'll are AMAZING and I will stand by all of you through the good, and the bad, just like you all have for me. I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and food to eat. All of my little dogs that I play Aunt to and of course my cat Sunny.

I hope everyone had a great day and I wish this could have been more positive but I am just being honest, as I think everyone should be. Now I am off to recored a song from my iOKi application to send to my gorgeous little Grey!

Peace and Love

S

*dedicated to: Emily, Maggie, Joanna, Kara, Melanie, Em, Kate G, Kate P. Kaylie, Jess, Jessica K, Jenn, Sarah, Ashley, Blare, Melissa, Keith, and everyone else who sometimes struggles. We can do this. Just take it one day at a time and love as much as you can!