And I Hope the Sun Shines

I'm in a deep infatuation. Not with one of the usually assholes I date but rather on the new somewhere I reside; California. I haven't pinpointed what it is that makes me smile all day or why, for me, the grass is greener on the West Coast but something about it just has me on a wonderful natural high. It could be my friends that I have here and the fabulous other souls I meet throughout the city. It could be the constant forecast of 75 degrees and Sunny. It could be that I still don't believe I'm living where anything I could want is at my fingertips?

About every other corner has fruit stands with the most delicious fruit you will ever eat, along with, the European bakeries, the extremely fresh seafood, the taco stands along with delicious Mexican made churros. And also let's not forget but LA has some of the best cuisine you can find. That could all have a say.

Or is it the shopping? Melrose anyone? With stores surrounding you like Barney's, Fred Segal, Neimaen's, Kitson, La Perla, Dolce & Gabbana, Balenciaga, Fendi, Prada, Bloomies, and many many more boutiques that a woman would die to be able to shop at. Being the fashion guru I am, it;s pretty much heaven. I die.

But what really did it is what I love about Los Angeles the most, the beaches. The pacific ocean is so different. The color is a deeper blue, and the waves don't mess around. On the weekends we usually go hang out in Venice Beach. There we have a whole bike lane from Santa Monica down to Venice, right alongside the beach, lots of walking along the ocean and getting sand all over out feet, can't believing it's only February. Or it could be the way I sit on the sand and watch the sun go down and watch the Santa Monica Pier put on their light show with the Farris Wheel and Roller Coaster. Photoed above is the 3rd Street Promenade, where shoppers go to heaven WHILE overlooking the ocean. Very charming.

But truthfully I don't think it's any of those that made me love this city this much, I think it was just luck that I found my way here and I knew when I got off the plane there was going to be no looking back. California has changed me a lot already. You can be yourself here and carry no secrets. And the best part about it is I kissed all my anxiety away (besides you K). I just want to say that if you ever have the opportunity to leave where you are from I strongly advise it. Even for a year. I feel beyond free and it's the best feeling ever.

Peace & Love
S

It's Californication

I apologize for being so MIA but I have just been having a ball here in Los Angeles that I actually forgot about facebook and writing for a min. I've decided that sunny Cali with all of its loveliness is the way to go. NO MORE cold east coast winters for me. (well you never know but it's pretty likely that I will not return.)

So let's get to the good stuff. Weed is legal here. Not only is it legal but it's the best shit you'll ever smoke. I wasn't to big into smoking before but in Cali it's really hard to pass up. Since its soo good it doesn't give me a paranoid or anxious side effect that I would get from smoking back home. I really enjoy the Sour Diesel and the Pineapple Express. This all brings me to the conclusion that why the hell isn't weed legal in all states?? It has helped me tremendously. I gained 5 pounds(well I'll explain that later), have been overly happy, and just am having a great time with this new "medication"!

Another thing that I've been having great fun with is all the awesome food in this town! I've been on an eating frenzy. My favorite though is Machos Taco Stand in Los Feliz. It's this taco stand in the middle of a hot mess of car washes and other things. It's cheap and amazing. Actually all the Taco Stands are awesome I must say. And you eat outside and listen to Mexican music or sometimes they'll have a TV and you can watch Spanish Soap Operas while you eat. Amazing man! Okay now let's move onto the European bakeries. Well you can imagine. Now I'm getting hungry!! haha In and Out and Jack in the Box are totally rad burger joints. Donut Shops........need I say more??!!! And the best is that all of this is usually open 24/7. Great for late night eaters like me.

Everyone is much nicer out here. I think it's the sun and the 75 degree weather. I haven't had to wear a coat since I got here. SUCH a nice change. I can't tell you about all the fabulous shopping yet because I am making myself stay far far away. Even though today would be perfect for some time at The Grove, I can't risk taking the chance with my high end shopping addiction. Also what is really awesome is that biking is how you get everywhere. It's freaking sweet! You bike to the subway then get on then get off and bike to where you planned on going. I'm going to try to bike my way to the Valley tomorrow to get to ballet class. I'm pumped. My roomies and are are really close so we pretty much do a lot together. We have even began having Family Dinners. Soooo fun! And I am trying to move to Venice by the end of the month when my soul sister gets here.

So the overall story that I am trying to tell is basically that this move did a 360 on me and I'm very very happy. Maybe it's the sun, maybe it's all the wonderful people, maybe it's even the weed? All I know is that I am on a whole new path and it's a lot brighter, more chill, and relaxed. I've realized we all need to take a minute to just enjoy your time because life flys by so fast and you never know when it's your last. If any of you have lived here I'd love to here your stories!!!

Peace & Palm Trees

Imagine All The People

Today was, by far, the hardest day I've had to get through since I got out of COPE. I went into it last night very positive and as I said my prayers I did ask for help with today, but it was just a little too much to handle. Mostly it was the memories. I don't remember my last 3 Thanksgivings. For good reason of course. The last 2, I didn't even attend due to my depression. Although I am a very happy woman right now, I founds myself not being able to deal. It's very hard too because no one understands you. I'm am soo lucky to have people in my life that do understand and for that I am VERY thankful for my Cope girls.

My Thanksgiving consisted of sleeping, sleeping, and more sleeping. I am soooo happy the day is over! I couldn't bring myself to eat and have been a lot of Klonopin to help me. Like I said I am just very glad the day is over. The holidays are going to be rough but I know I can do it. I am going to fight everyday and I want you guys to do so as well. It's soo easy to turn back to your old coping mechanisms during the hoidays. Go back to not eating, and pharmacuticals sounds soo good right now but I WILL NOT let myself fall back into that. Today I slipped. I'll be brutally honest with you about that but this is not how I am going to handle this holiday season. At this time I would just like to list what I am thankful for and whom and then I am going to go back to bed and wake up tomorrow smiling and free.

I am thankful for my health, at this time last year I would have never thought I would have been here today to spend with my family. My wonderful family who cried with me at the dinner table as we said grace and how lucky I am to be here and thanking God for giving me soo much strenth. My friends; ya'll are AMAZING and I will stand by all of you through the good, and the bad, just like you all have for me. I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and food to eat. All of my little dogs that I play Aunt to and of course my cat Sunny.

I hope everyone had a great day and I wish this could have been more positive but I am just being honest, as I think everyone should be. Now I am off to recored a song from my iOKi application to send to my gorgeous little Grey!

Peace and Love

S

*dedicated to: Emily, Maggie, Joanna, Kara, Melanie, Em, Kate G, Kate P. Kaylie, Jess, Jessica K, Jenn, Sarah, Ashley, Blare, Melissa, Keith, and everyone else who sometimes struggles. We can do this. Just take it one day at a time and love as much as you can!