And You Flashback to When He Said....Forever & Always

Kiera

I'm taking a break from fuctionig right now and am sitting here waiting for my laundry to be done. I have to leave here at 7am and I have, as of right now, 3 pairs of shoes in my suitcase. And I don't know whats worse.....the fact that all I have packed are 3 pairs of shoes for a 3 day trip or that I was so freaked by the fact that my shoes might get crushed that I wrapped all of them in tissue and shoe bags......and my super hot shoes are actually still in their box; In there box in my suitcase!!! I have a shoes box taking up almost half of my suitcase. It's something only a crazy person would do. I guess I am crazy haha. I want to go to bed sooo bad. I sure did kick that horrible 3 month stint of insomnia at the wrong time. I quit coffee a while back. Maybe I'll try that? Moving on. Next topic.

I don't know if you remember this but about 2 months ago I wrote on the facebook wall for 'And Who Are You Again' that I really truly missed Kanye. I know he kicked Taylor off that stage and said Beyonce should have won but that's whats so great about him. I love my T Swizzle but shit happens. See I watched him sing 'through the wire' in 2003 at my old stomping grounds WVU for our back to school 1st day get wasted and watch a bunch of awesome bands and make out with the people you left in May. Yeah that's pretty much it. I wonder who I made out with that night? We had all our friends over to our apt which was downtown but at the ENDDDD of high street. Behind us(meaning our door faced the back) rested a beautiful Dollar Store(morgantown loves the dollar stores) and a huge parking lot. On that night Kanyes bus was sitting right off our porch. So literally all 20 of us drunken smoothed talked our way onto the bus. The driver was cool. Even left us unattended. We took everything. From clothing down to remotes for the bus tv. All the things, I feel like, were drunkenly lost or left on the concert grass, or at a bar. Fun times. Do you all miss Kanye as well? You have to admit, he is a genuine talented mofo. Did anybody else sweat Heartbreak and 808's album like me. That was just pure genius.
Won't take anymore time on this subject but I'll admit it. I love Kanye West and he is definitely near the top of my favorite INSANE people list as well.

Now a true crazy that everyone knows I love, Ms Taylor Momsen(gg's little jenny). She stated that "I don't want to be a role model because I'm fucking crazy." In my opinion that's how it should be done. I say that same phrase when any child/adolescent starts to look up to me. Go buy her bands album-The Pretty Reckless. Shes kicks ass all the way down to the 14 eyeliner pencils she goes through daily. If Britney would have just said this when she started out just think she could have definitely got off with her CRAZY without it being such an alarm. (I knew Brit had the crazy brain. She is way to cool to not have. Even though she needs a stylist asap.) And props to you Taylor(of well britney you're the queen of this but in a more pink girly way,) for the wardrobe.Nothing beats fishnets, garter belts, and lingerie. I think that's actually what one of my very 1st blogs was about. How all of my huge collection of lingerie, sexy tights, thigh highs, HOT underwear and bras, and everything else under the sun.....I just could not live without.

Lady Gaga received 12 or something VMA noms. Ugh yeahhh. Well don't get me wrong, she is extremely gifted and talented and her second album was one of my favorites ever, BUT do you think shes taking the whole wierd factor too far? The comment in Vanity Fair "I am celibate. I do not want to sleep with anyone because I do not want someone stealing my creativity through my vagina.", was just too over the top tacky for me. The Alejandro video for example. This was and still is a VERY outstanding piece but the video was sooo out there that it turned me off. She wants to be different right??? Then don't dress in nude panties and bra and literally look like you are fucking all these Russian men on different beds. I mean PLEASEEE Britney beat you on that 10 years ago. Did you not see her performance of Breathe on Me? Way hot! What I am trying to say is that I get it, I'm a freak, I went to school with a bunch of freaks, it's fun to be different and have massive amounts of creativity be your talent. But with that you don't need to repeat yourself for two years now that you're a freak! Fine, whatever. She is trying to classify herself when if we could have just gotten to know her on our own through her music I'm sure we would have figured out that through her lyrics and lovely voice. I still love you but just tone it down a bit.

Okay have to start doing something! I'll go put on my Relapse Album. That should keep me awake for an hour hopefully. p.s. if this doesn't even make sense it's because i'm beyond exhausted.

Peace & Love,
S

Dress Me I'm Your Mannequin

"For those who dare to be different. And for those who don't dare but don't judge. For fashion and art lovers. For you."

For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

A couple of years ago I purchased a book titled, "If I'd Known Then: Women in Their 20's and 30's Write Letters to Their Younger Selves". Now due to the boring nature of this book and the horribly boring stories written by Jessica Alba(I guess she got her breasts early and the boys called her a slut and she decided to use condoms. Really Jessica? Horrible story!), Sasha Cohen(trying not to concentrate on the past or the future but the present), and Plum Sykes(trying to tell herself that being shy is chic. Yah ok?). So what I'm going to do hear is going to differ a little from these stories and hopefully give you a little something more exciting to read. I'm writing myself at the age of 17. (ok mine might be a tad boring as well but at least it's not about early development of breats)

Dear Sarah,

You work so hard on trying to be normal, popular, and fit in that you often forget who you truly are. I hate to tell you this but you will never be a Cheerleader and you will never date the Quarterback of the football team. You cry so many nights away because of this. Things that are "normal" to you, aren't usually normal to most 17 year old. But it's all you've ever known and you want to throw it away. You fight with your parents in front of your friends about dance classes that you have every evening. Trying to look like you don't care and would rather go hang out at the mall with your friends and crush. But in all actuality, you live to go to your dance classes. You have since you were 4. Yes, no one may know what it's like to spend 3-4 hours every evening after school and on the weekend practicing your craft. But you know what joy it brings you and how much talent you carry. And most people don't find out what they were placed on this earth to do so very young. But you do and you should be proud.

Go hang out with your drama club friends at school and forget about the harsh words that come out of many kids mouths. The words "dork", "loser", "drama geek", and etc. are going to actually make you laugh in just a couple years. You wait and see. I'm so proud of you for staying in the path you did and working your butt off everyday for something you knew was going to be your future. How many kids do that? Yeah....you missed out on having your first drink in high school, school dance activities, and the popularity you wanted so badly. Does it even phase you now? No. Always be true to who you are and follow your heart. You are about to make one huge mistake by going to a non performing arts college, but in the end it gave you the sense of normalcy that you were always searching for so please don't kick yourself everyday because you think you should regret your choice. You were a very smart young lady. And guess what you are doing today with your life.....still chasing the same dream and with hard work and a lot of belief in yourself, you will continue to succeed more than those that had mad fun of you. And just an FYI....people only make fun and talk about people out of jealousy. Always remember that. You're wonderful the way you are!

Your superfreak inner self,

S

Riders On The Storm

As I was sitting here this morning writing my New Year's Resolutions, I was reminded that I had never made New Year Resolutions before because I never really thought I'd make it through another year. But here I am and I'm confidant I'll do great in 2010 so I am definetly going to complete them. But before I can get to those I would like to rewind to the beginning of 2009. This year has been a whirlwind to say the least and it has been one of my favorite years ever even with the horrific events.

It's all kind of blurry. Like blurry enough to say I don't remember the 1st 15 days of January but an old bank statement tells me I shopped at Nordstroms, Burberry, and I rented movies from blockbuster. Other than that, I have NO idea besides I was working a lot. On the 16th I was admitted into COPE on the 8th floor of WPIC. I think if I hadn't gotten help on that day, even though I went kicking and screaming, I wouldn't have lasted much longer. It's crazy what malnutrition can do to the brain. It erased my memory and as I read about all of this craziness I found that to be common. I didn't progress fast and I wasn't aloud out until I got my weight up to 105. So at 83 pounds, 105 really didn't seem that far but it's wayyyy more difficult than that. This was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done and hope to have ever done in my life. Not being aloud freedom for 56 days will really make you appreciate everything just a tad bit more. Just the thought of being able to drive again seemed like a luxury to me. I was finally discharged. Much bigger, and much happier due to my savior of a psychiatrist. I also left with amazing friends, people who understood me, really fucking cool people. I was rarely in Pittsburgh and spent most of my time traveling and visiting my best friends. It was definitely something I needed to do because after something like that you really just need to get out of town. I dated a lot and found a touch of love in each one. The rest of the year was dedicated to me staying healthy and happy. In which I did but I have a LOT of people to thank for that; Maggie Andres, Emily Kinnard, Kara Santilli, Liz Greim, Kalie Davis, Joanna O'Donelle, Kate Gross, Kate Pawlowski, Noreen Daniello, Leah Swanson, Jen Aikens, Tiffany Hadley, Shelly Kocsuta, Liz Duigou, Ashley Madia, (Erin, Scott, Megan, Sasha, Sarah, Nicole), Michelle Mantooth, Tera Bowden, Whitney Moore, Aaron Brehove, Bekah Cann, Allison Connors, Carolyn Romano, Blare O'toole, Keith Gerlack, Maggie McKee, Anna Wolf, Whitney Brown, Lara Patrinos, Ryan Mullen, Laura Leimkuler, Katie Newcamp, Julie Eisert, Michael Burns, Dominique Deliere, Melissa Koestner, Joe Johnston, and my dear dear supportive family.

Now I would like to put out my inputs on what was the best and what was the worst this year!

Music that I listened to most....old and new!
-Lady GaGa. She's my inspiration currently. Amazing artist.
-Radiohead.
-Nirvana.
-Britney Spears. I really hope she is free again soon. Can you imagine living under a conservatorship at 28? Bless her heart. I'm glad to see she's doing better. I hope it continues.
-Eminem. If you don't already have Relapse, please go get it. Especially if you ever suffered from depression. This album helped me.
-Taylor Swift. This little one is simply a spot of sunshine. AMAZING!
-Muse.

Favorite songs of 2009!
-If U Seek Amy
-Paparazzi
-3am
-Beautiful
-You're Not Sorry

Most inspirational people!
-Barak Obama (sorry Blare)
-Taylor Swift
-Eminem
-And my best friends!!!! You're all my biggest inspiration.

Favorite Books This year!
-I really cannot do this because I read the same books over and over and over if I really love them. There are a couple new ones I discovered that I love and you should check out too.
-Chelsea Handler's Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea.
-Marya Hornbacher's Wasted...A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
-Cobain-By the Editors of Rolling Stone. yes yes I know another Kurt book but this one is awesome. It's basically great stories of the time all of these journalists spent with him. More as a celebration on his life then the usual tragedy piece.

Favorite in Sports!
-Rafael Nadal. Enough said.
-Also congrats the Steelers and Penguins for making my hometown the "city of chamions"(that's for you Bek)

Well that's about all on 2009. If any of you are wondering.....yes, I am still living like a complete gypsy and loving every minute of it. I really do miss my books, CD's, and DVD's though, and my beautiful bed, and my many vintage decorations. But most of all I miss my gorgeous fairy that hangs from my bed post. Can't wait to have the things back in my life when I finally settle somewhere but as for my plans for 2010, settling somewhere is not involved by any means!

Live, Love, Laugh, Dance, Sing at the top of your lungs, Be Crazy, Never Quit Your Dreams, Always go after what and who you want, Go to the Movies by Yourself, Treat Yourself once and a While to Something You Can't Afford, Fall Madly in Love even though You may Get Hurt(story of my life! but I wouldn't trade it for a thing), Spend Ever Extra Second with Those You Love, And NEVER settle for Anything Less than Butterflies!

Life is too short and you truly NEVER know what day may be your last. I think I'm madly in love with my new positive outlook haha!

Peace & Love,

S

I Touch Myself I Can't Get Enough

LADY GAGA 1st appeared on the music scene about a year ago(1st Album release being in August 2008 to be exact). But in all reality she has been on the music scene her whole life. Playing piano by the age of four, writing her first own piano ballad at the age of 13, and performing at open mic nights at age 14. She was granted early admission to NYU's Tisch School of the Arts where she studied music and songwriting. She shortly withdrew herself from college so she could focus more on her passion. She began living and breathing the LES(lower east side) nightlife and began her performing career. And what a career it turned out to be.

I was not, by any means, one of the early fans to jump on the Lady Gaga bandwagon. I do not listen to radio and rarely hangout at nightclubs where I would have heard her music. As my friends began to tell me I had to hear her, I finally obliged. The fist song I listed to was "Love Game". And the rest is history. But, yes her singles are good, I actually prefer her non singles. I've been listening to The Fame for over 3 months now.....late start I know, but I find it all quite interesting and irresistible. The music she writes is very raw, very out there, and very real. The Fame Monster has the same characteristics except this time she even took it a bit further with her lyrics. And all throughout the Album she states "I'm a free bitch baby". As she and we all should be.

She, out of anyone else, I believe is the best role model. Everything she does is for her fans. She works her ass off. She always states that she practice her choreography until she bleeds, and never once have I heard her give an interview that within the 1st 2 minutes, she doesn't thank her fans and thank God for giving her such wonderful fans. But what I really want to focus on how she is herself and that's that. She said she felt like a freak in high school and had tons of creativity just dying to get outside of her. We all know high school is hard and I know I felt like a freak because I didn't have the same interests as others. Lady Gaga wants to create an atmosphere where everyone can feel free and be themselves. And although a lot of people say "she's so strange, or eww that's weird", that's also saying that if you don't get it don't listen to her. She is walking theatre. And she will also state that "she likes to live every minute in performance". She also does not watch TV.....that makes me feel a little less of a freak because neither do I. Leave me with my music and my journal and this blog and I am quite happy.

One quote that I found very interesting was this: "In the deepest hour of the night, I confess to myself three things; I would die if I was forbidden to write, forbidden to love, or forbidden to fashion." and also "I like to create an atmosphere for my fans where they have a freak to hang out with and they don't feel alone"

I love and find myself relating to this tremendously. To end this I would like to say.......nothing is better than being yourself. Be different, be creative, dream and go after them, and being who truly are is was better then being a cookie cutter copy of what we "should" be. Fuck the rules.

So not only to I give Lady Gaga my blessings, love, and loyalty; I also want to thank her for even letting myself go even further inside and pull out the dark and different. And just on a lighter note......she may just be the sweetest things alive, at only 5'1'' and 110 she is a tiny little thing with a huge heart. Her Mom is always with her and she comes from a very tight knit Italian family like myself. And of course she's a hot one because we all know the most beautiful girls have dark brown eyes and blonde hair. If anyone wants to be a jem and come with me to go see her perform, since she is not coming to Pittsburgh, please let me know. She describes her show as an Electric Pop Opera and the stage will be shaped as if you are at the Opera(which Gaga describes to be the most powerful theatrics). If any of you lovely little fans of mine do get to go PLEASE post photos and tell us all about it!

Peace and Love

S