I don't really want to talk about these things because I have been there myself and I don't really wish, since I'm in a very safe place right now, to bring them back into being topics of my life. Just on the celebrity end of this there have been a lot of overdoses and depression related deaths. Just in the past three weeks there have been three suicides of wonderful young men.
If you are wondering what causes this or why this happens to some people and not others and why it seems to really attack a certain line of work, well I will try to explain. Most creative people are VERY left minded. Also known as your emotional mind. Using your emotional side leads you to be fantastically creative. Notice the line of work I am speaking of....Artists(which if you still don't understand that includes everything and anything under the performing and creative arts). Yes sometimes we can go into the center and use our wise mind, but rarely do we use our right side, aka our rational mind. Being extremely emotionally minded leads you to being very spontaneous, ocd, obsessive, addictive, very high ups and downs, and a lot are complete genius's. We do things without thinking of the outcome, we often find things that we just love love love and cannot live without(loving your career as a fashion designer is a positive. Finding a substance is a negative.) See the connection here? But the problem is drugs in your system, for a person who if left minded, bring out soooo much creativity. A lot of great musicians(basically all of the best), wrote their best work while high. But where are they now? Mostly gone to overdoses and suicides.
I've only been okay for almost a year so I'm not saying I'm a hero or anything or I'm better than anyone who relapses because don't worry I have relapsed and I work everyday and get better everyday. I've been really blessed with wonderful psychiatrists who really put me on the correct medications. Some aren't so lucky. Including me. It took me 7 years to finally feel any release from the pain that haunted me everyday. Do I hate meds? Yes. Did they save my life? Yes. Will I continue to take them? I sure hope so. But I have to tell you sometimes when you feel well again it is soo easy to ditch your meds thinking you'll be okay. And before you know it your back at square one. This is what happened to me many of times and this is what also happened to Andrew Koenig who stoped taking his medications for his chronic battle with depression. He was found missing and found dead this week. Cause of death suicide. Below is a letter from his parents:
“My son took his own life,” he continued. “If you're one of those people who feel they can’t handle it any more, if you can learn anything from this: it’s that there are people out there who really care. You might not think so…but there are people who really, really care. And before you take that final decision, check it out again... talk to somebody.
"And for those families who have members who they fear are susceptible to this kind of behavior, don’t ignore it, don’t rationalize it. Extend a hand.”
His mother added, “I ask you all to familiarize yourselves with signs you may rationalize away. Don’t rationalize away anything. Connect with each other if there is something bothering you. There is love out there.”
Now I just read that another horrible tragedy occurred last evening in Los Angeles. Marie Osmonds son Michael took his life at the early age of 18. He jumped from his apartment complex building. He left a note. Not all is here of course due to privacy but here is a part:
"I couldn't deal with my life-long battle with depression anymore. I felt like I was completely alone."
And to finish, we had the death of one of my largest inspirations, Alexander McQueen who was found hung in his home just one week after his mothers passing.
That's all I can write. Sorry but all of this hits way to close to home.
Sarah
Also on the line of addiction, I had wrote this this week to try to make people understand how powerful it really is:
Once you are addicted to something it becomes your main relationship, the love of your life, the thing you can't live without. I am still in a highly addictive relationship with Klonopin and that is exactly how I think of the drug. You may be soo creative and brilliant at 1st. It makes you happy and alive so you want more, more, and more. But once your brain starts to center around the substance.....all your cares slip away. Before you know it you are deeply depressed and suicidal and the drugs have done this to you but you can't stop but you really really want to. Some can fight it. Some can't and surrender.
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