WHOA....so I am going to totally half ass this because I know that most of you, including myself, love to hear and watch this shit for 20 minutes a week and then don't want to hear about it for another week. That being said, yep you guessed it, were going to do a quick run through of The Hills season 9,000. Starring Kristin, Brody, Audrina, Ryan Cabrara(seriously Audrina? I mean really now), Steph, Holly, my arch nemesis Lo(sorry but I just cannot stand the girl. She is boring. Very boring), Brody's bff(And who is he again?), and the lovely Mr. and Mrs. Spencer and Heidi Pratt. The last two characters/maybe real life people/lets just hope they are characters cause they scare the shit out of me; are those we will concentrate on this evening. Now please everyone gather and bring your Crystals because were going into the "war zone."
I'm really good at psychology and can usually diagnosis someone within a 2 minute rate. Spencer was a pretty normal nornal guy like the rest of guys in their 20's should be but I believe it was around when Lauren actually started to stand up for herself I saw a change in his behavior. Now for expertise on all of this we would have to bring in my best friend Tera, who is a self admitted Hills addict, to decipher if I am correct but she is unable to help out on this at the moment so let's just take my word. Then I took a hiatus from The Hills because Lauren began to get very boring on me then she brought that really boring Lo on and they were mean to the only cool one on the show, Audrina, so I got sick of all the rich bitch drama. Last year I think I watched it but all I can remember is that they were all mean to Kristen and Brody was dating that transvestite looking girl who I wish I could remember her name. She just didn't seem like a nice person at all. And Justin Bobby was riding around on his motorcycle being a true pimp like always. (Love that kid!)
So now on Final Season, we are truly getting into the deeper and true meaning of what we all call The Hills. It stared months back when we would be in Target looking at the tabloids while in line and seeing Heidi. I immediately jumped to "Why Heidi Why!" I am NOT trying to be mean or disrespectful to anyone who likes Heidi or knows Heidi personally(which I don't think any of my readers do but you never know), but I feel (2 min psyc eval) she has a serious case of body dysmorphia, depersonalization disorder, and let's add 3 dash's of pure crazy. So in the previous season or maybe even the season before that she got her nose and boobs done. I can't judge that with her living in Hollywood and being young with money. BUT at a later date in 2010 she had somehow concluded that if she got a whole new face and body she'd be a very happy person. Having your ears pinned back, new nose job, lipo on her inner thighs(ouch), lipo other places, a big butt implant, eyebrow lift, cheek injections, her chin was shaved down, huge lip injections, and her brand new I don't know how she walks, breasts; could never bring true happiness. I think I got it all but if I don't feel free to add in. The poor girl looks like a whole other girl. Like a porn star-bad facelift-and boobs made for clowns. I really did think she was pretty on the 1st season too. But don't worry she still wants to upgrade those EEE boobs. "I really want them to be like H's for Heidi"
Now onto where the true crazy lies......Spencer Pratt. He began this season with his crystal collection which apparently protects him from almost everything evil the world could bring but in exchange I think Spencer sold his soul because I have NEVER met or seen a person with his type of behaviors. I'll try to do my (2 min psych eval) but I don't even think I can unlock the true madness inside the mind of Spencer Pratt. Let's list a good amount to make sure we get them all........Delusional Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Adjustment Disorder, OCD, Depersonalization Disorder, and a large dash of just plain good old psychosis. Okay some of these I cheated on and went under psych disorders and found. The Narcissistic Personality Disorder is great! It's soo Patrick Bateman. Now let's hope Mr. Pratt doesn't turn into a real life Bateman but at this point he's acting soo scary I wouldn't even want to be in the same room. The past few episodes have shown Spencers withdrawal from the social world. He said 2 weeks ago "I don't have a sister. Who said I have a sister. That was in my past life." Then Holly visits The Pratt residence and he begins to "scream at her calling her and Heidi's mother just a vagina that Heidi came out of and that she is nothing to him."
So we know they own $400,000 worth of "magic crystals". "This one is for geniuses. It opens your mind to everything...and helps you to really think when you're in a war zone." Okay what? Please describe what your translation of a War Zone is. The as Heidi sits there with her permanent happy-dumb face, nodding, Spencer tells the gang that "Heidi is allowed no television, no internet, no phones, all shes allowed to do is read and write poetry, pet puppys, and pray."
I'm really good at psychology and can usually diagnosis someone within a 2 minute rate. Spencer was a pretty normal nornal guy like the rest of guys in their 20's should be but I believe it was around when Lauren actually started to stand up for herself I saw a change in his behavior. Now for expertise on all of this we would have to bring in my best friend Tera, who is a self admitted Hills addict, to decipher if I am correct but she is unable to help out on this at the moment so let's just take my word. Then I took a hiatus from The Hills because Lauren began to get very boring on me then she brought that really boring Lo on and they were mean to the only cool one on the show, Audrina, so I got sick of all the rich bitch drama. Last year I think I watched it but all I can remember is that they were all mean to Kristen and Brody was dating that transvestite looking girl who I wish I could remember her name. She just didn't seem like a nice person at all. And Justin Bobby was riding around on his motorcycle being a true pimp like always. (Love that kid!)
So now on Final Season, we are truly getting into the deeper and true meaning of what we all call The Hills. It stared months back when we would be in Target looking at the tabloids while in line and seeing Heidi. I immediately jumped to "Why Heidi Why!" I am NOT trying to be mean or disrespectful to anyone who likes Heidi or knows Heidi personally(which I don't think any of my readers do but you never know), but I feel (2 min psyc eval) she has a serious case of body dysmorphia, depersonalization disorder, and let's add 3 dash's of pure crazy. So in the previous season or maybe even the season before that she got her nose and boobs done. I can't judge that with her living in Hollywood and being young with money. BUT at a later date in 2010 she had somehow concluded that if she got a whole new face and body she'd be a very happy person. Having your ears pinned back, new nose job, lipo on her inner thighs(ouch), lipo other places, a big butt implant, eyebrow lift, cheek injections, her chin was shaved down, huge lip injections, and her brand new I don't know how she walks, breasts; could never bring true happiness. I think I got it all but if I don't feel free to add in. The poor girl looks like a whole other girl. Like a porn star-bad facelift-and boobs made for clowns. I really did think she was pretty on the 1st season too. But don't worry she still wants to upgrade those EEE boobs. "I really want them to be like H's for Heidi"
Now onto where the true crazy lies......Spencer Pratt. He began this season with his crystal collection which apparently protects him from almost everything evil the world could bring but in exchange I think Spencer sold his soul because I have NEVER met or seen a person with his type of behaviors. I'll try to do my (2 min psych eval) but I don't even think I can unlock the true madness inside the mind of Spencer Pratt. Let's list a good amount to make sure we get them all........Delusional Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Adjustment Disorder, OCD, Depersonalization Disorder, and a large dash of just plain good old psychosis. Okay some of these I cheated on and went under psych disorders and found. The Narcissistic Personality Disorder is great! It's soo Patrick Bateman. Now let's hope Mr. Pratt doesn't turn into a real life Bateman but at this point he's acting soo scary I wouldn't even want to be in the same room. The past few episodes have shown Spencers withdrawal from the social world. He said 2 weeks ago "I don't have a sister. Who said I have a sister. That was in my past life." Then Holly visits The Pratt residence and he begins to "scream at her calling her and Heidi's mother just a vagina that Heidi came out of and that she is nothing to him."
So we know they own $400,000 worth of "magic crystals". "This one is for geniuses. It opens your mind to everything...and helps you to really think when you're in a war zone." Okay what? Please describe what your translation of a War Zone is. The as Heidi sits there with her permanent happy-dumb face, nodding, Spencer tells the gang that "Heidi is allowed no television, no internet, no phones, all shes allowed to do is read and write poetry, pet puppys, and pray."
MUST WATCH
Great Quotes from the Pratts
Spencer Pratt: "I'm trying to live a more positive, holy life, but it takes work. It's hard not sinning, you know?"
Spencer Pratt: "Jesus and I are making the connection."
Heidi Mintage: "Spencer didn't change me. I changed myself"
Spencer Pratt: "Honestly, Brody, I'm worried about you. You're the one showing up to all these events wasted. Maybe you need crystal therapy to sober up. Connect with nature and not the bottle, you drunk."
Spencer Pratt: "I line the windows with crystals, keep bad spirits out but keep Heidi locked in."
Spencer Pratt: “It’s true, I have a Marine in the house. He’s helping me write a script. And yes, we’ve been out of the house only three times this month, but that’s because I’m busy working on several business ventures.”
Alright I'm out....enough talk of this mess.
Spencer Pratt: "Jesus and I are making the connection."
Heidi Mintage: "Spencer didn't change me. I changed myself"
Spencer Pratt: "Honestly, Brody, I'm worried about you. You're the one showing up to all these events wasted. Maybe you need crystal therapy to sober up. Connect with nature and not the bottle, you drunk."
Spencer Pratt: "I line the windows with crystals, keep bad spirits out but keep Heidi locked in."
Spencer Pratt: “It’s true, I have a Marine in the house. He’s helping me write a script. And yes, we’ve been out of the house only three times this month, but that’s because I’m busy working on several business ventures.”
Alright I'm out....enough talk of this mess.
Peace & Love,
S
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