I appreciate ALL music but I just wanted to give a shout out to someone who is not only helping me but I'm sure helping MILLIONS for the recent music he has put out over the last year and a new album "Recovery" coming out in June. It's funny how I bought this CD but one of my good guy friends who is also in recovery kept talking about it. I didn't think a thing because the kid loves Eminem as much as I love Britney. Truth. But I said F it one day while in Best Buy and picked up a copy. I came home and listened to the entire 20 track album. Ay 1st I found it a bit fucked up. Actually there are still songs I don't listen to. But my friend told me which tracks to focus on so I listened to those over again and again and again and here I am in May still talking about this album like I just bought it when in reality I've had it since early fall.
If you have been through some shit or you haven't this is still an amazing album. If you have been in the dark, blocked in by depression, addiction, and feel like you can't get yourself up again, you will honestly think think some of these tracks or even just pieces of lyrics are for you. I was talking to Allison last night and although she doesn't have "Relapse" she had listened to a couple tracks before and it was frightening how much she could relate. Below are the lyrics to one of my favorite peices. It's track 16, into on 15. It's about slipping up just a little and how quickly it turns into a relapse. I don't think anyone could have put it into words better than Eminem on what it's like. Because this is it. Period. Step by step.
As I fall deeper into a manic state,
I'm a prime candidate for the gene to receive the drug addict trait.
Blood pressure climbs at a dramatic rate,
I seem to gravitate to the bottle of NyQuil then I salivate.
Start off with the NyQuil like 'I think I'll just have a taste'.
Couple of sips of that then I gradually graduate,
to a harder prescription drug called Valium like yeah that's great.
I go to take just one and I end up like having eight.
Now I need something in my stomach cuz I haven't ate.
Maybe I'll grab a plate of nachos and I'll have a steak.
And you'd think that with all I have at stake,
Look at my daughters face...
'Mommy somethings is wrong with dad I think!
He's acting weird again, he's really beginning to scare me.
Wont shave his beard again and he pretends he doesn't hear me.
And all he does is eat Doritos and Cheetos,
and he just fell asleep in his car eating three musketeers in the rear seat'.
Sometimes I feel so alone,
I just don't know, feels like I been down this road before.
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me,
soon as I go home and close the door.
Kinda feels like Deja Vu, I wanna get away from this place I do,
but I can't and I wont say I tried but I know that's a lie cuz I don't,
and why, I just don't know.....
Maybe just a nice cold brew, what's a beer?
That's the devil in my ear I been sober a fuckin' year.
And that fucker still talks to me, he's all I can fuckin hear,
'Marshall come on we'll watch the game it's the Cowboys and Buccaneers'.
And maybe if I just drink half I'll be half buzzed for half of the time.
Who's that mastermind behind that little line?
With that kind of rational man I got half a mind,
to have another half of glass of wine sounds asinine, yeah I know.
But I never had no problem with alcohol.
Ouch look out for the wall aim for the couch I'm about to fall.
I missed the couch and down I go looking like a bouncing ball.
Shit must have knocked me out cuz I didn't feel the ground at all
Wow what the fuck happened last night? Where am I?
Man, fuck am I hungover, and god damn i got a head ache.
Shit half a vicodin why cant I?
'All systems ready for take off please stand by'.
Sometimes I feel so alone,
I just don't know, feels like I been down this road before.
So lonely and cold, It's like something takes over me,
soon as I go home and close the door.
Kinda feels like Deja Vu, I wanna get away from this place I do,
but I cant and I won't say I tried but I know that's a lie, and why, I don't know...
So I take a Vicodin splash it hits my stomach and ahh.
A couple weeks go by it aint even like im getting high.
Now I need it just not to feel sick, yeah im getting by.
Wouldn't even be taking this shit if DeShaun didn't die.
Oh ya there's an excuse you lose Proof so you use.
There's new rules it's cool if it's helping you to get through.
It's twelve noon aint no harm in self inducing a snooze.
What else is new? Fuck it what would Elvis do in your shoes?
Now here I am three months later, full blown relapse,
'Just get high until the kids get home from school holmes, relax'.
And since im convinced that I'm insomniac,
I need these pills to be able to sleep, so I take three naps,
just to be able to function throughout the day let's see
that's an Ambien each nap, how many Valium? Three.
And that will average out to about one good hours sleep.
Ok so now you see the reason how come he
has taken four years just too put out an album B.
See me and you we almost had the same outcome Heath,
cuz that Christmas you know the Pneumonia thing?
It was bologna, was it the Methadone ya think?
Or the Hydrocodone, you hide inside your pornos?
Your VCR tape cases with your Ambien CR, great places to hide ain't it?
So you can lie to Haley, I'm going beddy bye Whitney baby good night Elaina.
Go in the room and shut the bedroom door and wake up in an ambulance
They said they found me on the bathroom floor, damn!
Highlighted Sections-true, true, true, true. Whole track true but this is a line here is a line that plays in my head over and over......."I wanna get away from this place I do, but I cant and I won't say I try but I know that's a lie cuz I don't, and why, I just dont know....."
You go ahead and think about that line there. Sometimes you have to to to see what it would be like if this were you. But if you haven't there is no way to teach it and it's hard for outsiders to understand.
Peace & Love -S
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