When you live in a small town like ohh let's say Pittsburgh, or a Village as my friend Tom would call Pittsburgh, what do you do when you want to date someone who's completely anonymous to you and your friends. It doesn't work. See now in this small population(ok ok I know there are smaller places but just let me call the city of "chamions" small for a min), you will never find someone that is not in a way connected to one or a few of your friends or you know their best guy friend or blah blah blah. It sucks!!!
Everytime I meet someone new I get sooo excited and as the weeks go on not only has he slept with a friend of mine but he also somehow hangs out with my whole crew and I guess I didn't even bother to notice. I truly don't pay attention to anyone. It's a bad habit so this is very easy to miss for me. Or you meet another anonymous great guy and all of your friends know him so everyone has an opinion. Or, my favorite, you just get totally stuck in your circle of friends and before you know it you've dated/hooked up with a few of your hot little guy friends. The only people I have dated that NO ONE KNEW were Will and Edward. One didn't live here and the other, ohh I can't talk about him, he was just perfect. Don't want to bring the memories back. But really in ALL these years that it! I met 2 anonymous guys!!! Bullshit that's what I say to that!
So yeah yeah yeah I swore off dating for a year to concentrate on my career. Blah blah blah boring! Not my career but my dating life. I swear I have better energy, my writing gets crazy creative, and I want to be a better person when I really like someone. Right now I think I'm getting a case of the winter blues. I'm totally sleeping 14 hours a day........not normal! (even though I won't lie....sleeping is my favorite activity. I have sooo many hot bf's when I dream. Well actually recently I've been having a steady relationship with Tyson Ritter in my dreams. He's fucking awesome! And now if I ever meet him someone will have to erase this because I look like an obsessive freak.)
I actually found my self a week back searching for boys I had crushes on in high school, facebook pages. Why do I want to regress back to someone I "went with" at 14! This is my theory people....I did a full loop and I don't know where to go. Like should I move. Absolutely yes. Without a doubt. But what about in the meantime? Do I go back to where I started? Well whatever happens I know I have my soulmate out there somewhere. Maybe I have met him, maybe I haven't. But he's out there. I kinda think he doesn't live here. Maybe this is God's way of saying "....sarahhhh get out of the town where the sun never shines." Ohh and that's another thing. Do you know it's not sunny besides maybe 30 days out of every 360 here. Yep. Summer this year.....yeah it just never came. And winter, well these past 2 have been absolutely horrendous. Okay back to the point.
Alright I'm done but just think to yourself....and just keep thinking. And wait have I really met everyone is the little town/city as some might call it?
*Dedicated to all of the ex loves of my life.
Peace & Love
S
UPDATE
So this was written almost an entire year ago and nothing has changed in my sense of staying away from the repulsive guys in Pittsburgh that I happened not to meet this year. I did an A+ job of steering clear and not speaking to, showing no interest, accepting no dinner or movie dates, and absolutely no dating in this town. Now while on vaca's, which I do frequently, maybe I kissed a few hot out of towners. All was done in fun and no numbers were allowed to be exchanged. At least no one was getting mine! As this may seem a little drastic.....well you have to see where I'm coming from. I used to be a serial dater. I never was not dating someone. Sometimes this was a pain because a girl needs some peace and quiet every now and then ya know. While I was doing this, something would always hit me, and what it was was that I was, at the time, very much in love with someone else and these were just all excuses to think I was over it. I'm NOT a get over it kinda chick though. If I fall in love with you I am pretty much screwed because well that's that and lord knows it's going to be quite sometime before I get over it. And the worst is that I try to act pretty cool about the whole thing and let it go but deep down it's not going anywhere. From my knowledge and from what I know of love (which I believe to be this wonderful madness deep down inside of you that makes you a little bit nuts because you can't believe how wonderful laying on the grass and looking at starts could be while holding each others hands and the crazy fainting signs you get when you kiss and the feelings that no matter what happens everything will be okay because your with and have this one particular person there to hold. Love is tricky but it's not that hard to watch it happen. I fall fast. I wish I didn't fall so fast but I love being in love. End of story.) I haven't a clue where I left off but what I was getting at is that this taking a year off of dating actually was a great experience. I got to actually take a look at, from the outside, what I was doing. I was wasting other peoples time. That's what I was doing. Even though I am not in love at the moment......all those prior years I pretty much was, which a boy that I was too scared to tell him how I felt even though we'd been through all hell together. I will swear to never date another person unless I actually do have feelings for them back because I know how bad it sucks to be in it the other way around. From now on I'm not holding anything back. I really wish I would have told that one person how i felt back then. Maybe nothing would have happened but at least I would have been able to get it out to them and told them how much I loved them. And as for the future.......I am finally moving! And I am sooo excited to be in a relationship again I just cannot even wait!
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