Riders On The Storm

As I was sitting here this morning writing my New Year's Resolutions, I was reminded that I had never made New Year Resolutions before because I never really thought I'd make it through another year. But here I am and I'm confidant I'll do great in 2010 so I am definetly going to complete them. But before I can get to those I would like to rewind to the beginning of 2009. This year has been a whirlwind to say the least and it has been one of my favorite years ever even with the horrific events.

It's all kind of blurry. Like blurry enough to say I don't remember the 1st 15 days of January but an old bank statement tells me I shopped at Nordstroms, Burberry, and I rented movies from blockbuster. Other than that, I have NO idea besides I was working a lot. On the 16th I was admitted into COPE on the 8th floor of WPIC. I think if I hadn't gotten help on that day, even though I went kicking and screaming, I wouldn't have lasted much longer. It's crazy what malnutrition can do to the brain. It erased my memory and as I read about all of this craziness I found that to be common. I didn't progress fast and I wasn't aloud out until I got my weight up to 105. So at 83 pounds, 105 really didn't seem that far but it's wayyyy more difficult than that. This was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done and hope to have ever done in my life. Not being aloud freedom for 56 days will really make you appreciate everything just a tad bit more. Just the thought of being able to drive again seemed like a luxury to me. I was finally discharged. Much bigger, and much happier due to my savior of a psychiatrist. I also left with amazing friends, people who understood me, really fucking cool people. I was rarely in Pittsburgh and spent most of my time traveling and visiting my best friends. It was definitely something I needed to do because after something like that you really just need to get out of town. I dated a lot and found a touch of love in each one. The rest of the year was dedicated to me staying healthy and happy. In which I did but I have a LOT of people to thank for that; Maggie Andres, Emily Kinnard, Kara Santilli, Liz Greim, Kalie Davis, Joanna O'Donelle, Kate Gross, Kate Pawlowski, Noreen Daniello, Leah Swanson, Jen Aikens, Tiffany Hadley, Shelly Kocsuta, Liz Duigou, Ashley Madia, (Erin, Scott, Megan, Sasha, Sarah, Nicole), Michelle Mantooth, Tera Bowden, Whitney Moore, Aaron Brehove, Bekah Cann, Allison Connors, Carolyn Romano, Blare O'toole, Keith Gerlack, Maggie McKee, Anna Wolf, Whitney Brown, Lara Patrinos, Ryan Mullen, Laura Leimkuler, Katie Newcamp, Julie Eisert, Michael Burns, Dominique Deliere, Melissa Koestner, Joe Johnston, and my dear dear supportive family.

Now I would like to put out my inputs on what was the best and what was the worst this year!

Music that I listened to most....old and new!
-Lady GaGa. She's my inspiration currently. Amazing artist.
-Radiohead.
-Nirvana.
-Britney Spears. I really hope she is free again soon. Can you imagine living under a conservatorship at 28? Bless her heart. I'm glad to see she's doing better. I hope it continues.
-Eminem. If you don't already have Relapse, please go get it. Especially if you ever suffered from depression. This album helped me.
-Taylor Swift. This little one is simply a spot of sunshine. AMAZING!
-Muse.

Favorite songs of 2009!
-If U Seek Amy
-Paparazzi
-3am
-Beautiful
-You're Not Sorry

Most inspirational people!
-Barak Obama (sorry Blare)
-Taylor Swift
-Eminem
-And my best friends!!!! You're all my biggest inspiration.

Favorite Books This year!
-I really cannot do this because I read the same books over and over and over if I really love them. There are a couple new ones I discovered that I love and you should check out too.
-Chelsea Handler's Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea.
-Marya Hornbacher's Wasted...A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
-Cobain-By the Editors of Rolling Stone. yes yes I know another Kurt book but this one is awesome. It's basically great stories of the time all of these journalists spent with him. More as a celebration on his life then the usual tragedy piece.

Favorite in Sports!
-Rafael Nadal. Enough said.
-Also congrats the Steelers and Penguins for making my hometown the "city of chamions"(that's for you Bek)

Well that's about all on 2009. If any of you are wondering.....yes, I am still living like a complete gypsy and loving every minute of it. I really do miss my books, CD's, and DVD's though, and my beautiful bed, and my many vintage decorations. But most of all I miss my gorgeous fairy that hangs from my bed post. Can't wait to have the things back in my life when I finally settle somewhere but as for my plans for 2010, settling somewhere is not involved by any means!

Live, Love, Laugh, Dance, Sing at the top of your lungs, Be Crazy, Never Quit Your Dreams, Always go after what and who you want, Go to the Movies by Yourself, Treat Yourself once and a While to Something You Can't Afford, Fall Madly in Love even though You may Get Hurt(story of my life! but I wouldn't trade it for a thing), Spend Ever Extra Second with Those You Love, And NEVER settle for Anything Less than Butterflies!

Life is too short and you truly NEVER know what day may be your last. I think I'm madly in love with my new positive outlook haha!

Peace & Love,

S

You Are What I Never Knew I Always Wanted

Here are just a few random questions I had answered in May(2 months into my recovery.) I just found them and I think they are a pretty encouraging and strong for the state I was at. I hope some of them can help you and if you have any questions you know, I'm just message away!
1. Okay let’s just start off with I’ve been through a lot of shit and w/out it all…..good and bad………I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

2. Dancing is my therapy. I would be dead without dancing. It’s just something that my spirit has to do.

3. I don't plan or ever plan on planning out my life. I like to live spontaneously just day by day. I love having the courage to just pick up a suitcase and take off for a few weeks. I believe in living fully and just feeling free and liberated. I hate being under any restraints.

4. I’m 5’5’’ and 108 and am IN LOVE with my body and am soo happy to be able to say that! I think it’s soo beautiful. If I could walk around in underwear and a bra I totally would!

5. My absolute favorite thing in the entire world is to sing and dance. It’s the greatest high in the world for me.

6. I have a highly addictive personalty and have gone through times where this has actually gotten me into trouble and is also something I struggle with everyday. It get’s easier with time.

7. I like to drink my coffee at night.

8. I’ve met some of the most amazing people in my life. Some of them in bad situations, others in good. They all made a marking on my soul.

9. My favorite sports figure is Rafael Nadal. He’s the #1 tennis player in the world and is drop dead gorgeous on top of it. Vamos Rafa!!!

10. There are a lot of shallow people in the world and they can make up rumors and assumptions and they will haunt you. I just now got thicker skin and learned to cope with it. A lot of people talk and have NO IDEA what it's like to walk in my shoes. But I am a strong girl and I have a lot of strong friends by my side.

11. I love Kurt Cobain and what he brought to this world artistically. I am still enormously intrigued by him. He and Britney are the only people I can say I have been actually obsessive about. I just wanna learn everything!

12. My sorority sisters, and I know this sounds soo cliche, but I don't know where I'd be without them. It's like they breathe for me when I can no longer breathe.

13. I know the choreography for EVERY Britney Spears video and concert performances. Literally.

14. I adore animals and cannot stand animal cruelty. Breaks my heart in half. I am a proud member of PETA.

15. I'm a hopeless romantic and believe in love stories, fairytales, soulmates, and so on. Nothing makes me happier than being in love.

16. I figure skated for 7 years. And after that I took up dancing full time and was studying to become a ballerina.

17. I read and listen to music at all times. A few of my favorites are Eminem's Relapse, Taylor Swift, Radiohead, Nirvana, Lady GaGa,

18. I failed my driver’s license test 6 or 7 times. Hahahaha

19. I lived in NYC after college and the second place I lived I had to share a bed with Alia for 1,100 a month. You soo get nothing for your money there but it is totally worth it.

20. I think I was a European(in Barcelona, Spain haha) in my previous life. I really don’t believe in this fast paced American living thing that we have going on. If you look at other countries life is more laid back and enjoyed.

21. Michelle and Aaron are my sister and brother.

22. I miss Tera and wish she lived closer. We have a crazy kind of friendship that will never die. She’s the love of my life.

23. 4 inch stilettos are my favorite. I like to be 5’9’’.

24. I’m a pretty cool girl. And I love to make people laugh.

25. I go through life like a karate kid. -BS

Peace and Love

S

Roma Ro-MaMa GaGa Ohh LaLa

I hope you all had/are having a wonderful holiday season! I totally kicked ass this season with my mood. I was a-ok besides a little bit of yesterday when I began to feel down and was just over all the holiday hoopla. Last year at this exact time I was in the Emergency room with an IV of Ativan in my arm. So I mean compared to that, I must say everything is wonderful. (Even though I must admit, I sure do LOVE those Ativan drips!)

Last night my whole Italian family had our usual holiday party. We ate, danced(okay just me and my little cousins), sang(okay once again just me and my little cousins), and laughed. I decided that we were all technically "guidettes" due to our heritage and we all should have ditry jerz nicknames! hahaha. I think my fam went a little overboard this year with the starbucks giftcards because I have $60 worth of grande vanilla lattes with an extra shot of espresso ahead of me. I REALLY wish my family lives closer. Most is in Virginia, DC area, or NC. We have sooo much fun when we are together. And I wish thats what Christmas would be really all about. F the presents. I truely didn't need all of the materialistic things I had recieved. It's the celebration of the birth of jesus. Not of how many presents you can get.

How were your Holiday celebrations and did you recieve anything crazy cool from Santa? I got a gorgeous onyx Tacori ring, a mini Kodak video camera so my friend Bekah can tape the next year of my life because I have a feeling, for some reason, its going to get quite exciting. Ohh and a ton of clothes that DID NOT FIT! Note to self and to mother......I DO NOT wear a size 0 or an xsmall anymore. Stop purchasing these sizes because it's annoying when I do the ass jump 40 times and sometimes STILL can't get whatever I am trying to put on over my ass. It's ALL good though. I love my butt and I love that I weigh 110 and not 83 anymore. And all the fam talk was all reguarding my new fabulous boobs last night hahahaha. Soo funny. My 12 yr old cousin Hanna and I did a dance to Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. It was freaking awesome. We pretended to be little monsters!

Okay enough about me.......What are your stories and memories? I hope they are great! And continue through the new year! I love my family, friends, and ohh just everyone. I'm full of love! Muah!

Did You Take Your Meds?

Still in horrible mourning over the loss of Brittany Murphy. In the extras section of the Uptown Girl DVD you can hear her saying "dreams really do come true here in New York" and you actually believe Britany. I know I did. Gosh this is very devistating. And to top it off now it's all endijng up to be another prescription drug overdose. I REALLY hope it's not but that's what people are saying today. A numerous amount of medications were found in Brittany's room but none too crazy or out of the ordinary:Prozac, Klonopin, Ativan, Hydocodone, a bipolar diorder drug, anti-inflamatory drug, Propranolol(I don't know what this is), Migrane meds, and a couple anti-biotics.
If you wanted to you could surely take an inappropriate mix and quantity of these drugs. But I just don't think Brittany Murphy would do that. Or am I just being stupid and not wanting to see the truth. I mean we all like our drugs and for some of us, including myself, cannot live without medication. I mean am I next? These are all wayyy too close to home. WTF are the doctors and pharmacists doing? This SAME incident has been occuring and occuring over the past few years, killing many of those we looked up to. Am I safe tonight when I go to bed? It's just getting way to scary.

Any how.......I will try to finish this on a light note. Molly, Daisy, Stacy, Sarah, Nikki, or Alex; Whatever you would like to call this truely talented inspirational actress, may you rest in peace.

Spun, Girl Inturrupted, Uptown Girls, Just Married, 8 Mile, Clueless, Little Black Book, etc, etc.
She is wonderful and I hope this was caused naturally and not from prescriptions or weight issues.

Peace and Love

S

Walk Walk Fashion Baby

I was at Target just to pick up my presciptions for the month when I got stopped as soon as I entered. Rodarte did a collection for Target and it really might be my favorite since Luella did their line for Target.

Just to make this short and sweet, I highly suggest you please check it out. The line is extraordinarily feminine and contains pieces you would never be able to find if you tried. At 1st I grabbed about 9 things but then I remembered I only had a small amount in my account till the next time I get paid. I left with a lace mens style cardigan, a gorgeous slip dress covered in bows and chiffon, and a black lace bikini that could almost pass for sexy lingerie.

Known for it's unique textures and modern approach, Rodatre is a fashion "it" brand. Now, designers Kate and Laura Mulleavy are taking on Target, with it's exclusive line inspried by the iconic women of their favorite films. The result? Artful shapes and directional style, without the runway prices.

This line will leave you getting asked "omg where did you get that?" constantly for it's couture look and feel. Theres nothing better than looking like a movie star in Target prices.

Line runs from $19.99-$49.99.

Hope you all enjoy it as much as I do. Get it before it's gone!

Peace and Love,

S

It Was Last Minute Babe

After thinking for about 3 hours about my favorite things I came up with these awesome last minute gifts that I believe can fit any girlfriend or boyfriends wonderfully! Or just buy them for yourselves!!! I do! haha

1. Tacori for QVC. I can't believe I haven't mentioned this before because with this collection you can NOT go wrong. I have 4 pieces from the collection and never have been out and not get complimented on them. The best part is the line runs about $50-$200. You must check it out!

2. Anthony Logisrics for Men Grab and Go Portable. Great gift for a man on the go. Perfect for vacas and business trips. Contains high end shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, shaving foam, etc, etc. Fabulous!

3. The Audrey Hepburn Treasures book along with a copy of Breakfast at Tiffany's. Who doesn't love Audrey. I of course have everything Hepburn but these are two of my favorites. Perfect gift!

4. Bumble & Bumble. Make a gift basket with Bumble & Bumble hair products and you have to add the Bb. Bandball they have out now for limited edition. It's $20 and is a huge ball of 100 hairties. Just got it yesterday and I'm in love!

5. Pocket Camcorder. I personally love the Kodak Zi8. Films in 3 different speeds, high quality HD, and uploads straight to your Facebook and You Tube. This is the one I have. Photos are soo over. It's all about videos right now!

6. Sports Tickets. You truly can't go wrong with getting your bf, hubby, or father tickets to their favorite sport team. It's a no fail gift!

7. Journal/Scrapbook. But not just any journal or scrapbook. Make this your own! Add sentimental pieces(such as ticket stubs or old love letters), photos, drawings, prayers, quotes, etc. I am in the mist of making one for someone and it's like my pride and joy. I actually got the idea from my high school Drama Teacher who took a huge white scrapbook and put Quotes from Musicals on the bottom of every page. I love it because it's so personal!

8. The Beatles Box Set. Put this with one of the many awesome photo books that the Beatles have and you automatically have the best gift ever!

9. Cobain Unseen. This is a book of all of Kurt Cobain's artwork. It's amazing. Pair it with the Nirvana Unplugged In New York DVD and theres another perfect gift.

9. Britney Spears-The Singles Collection. Freaking awesome for any Spears fan and pair it with the documentary, For The Record and you are good to go!

10. O.P.I. Make a great gift basket of the amazing polishes from O.P.I (for the guys, you can get opi at high end salons, ulta, and online). Here are a few of my favorites to help you out. Botega Blackberry, Russian Navy, Lincoln Park After Dark, Cozu Melted in the Sun, Midnight on Moscow, Black Tie Optional, and Vodka and Caviar. I would LOVEEEE if I received this!


I hope I helped everyone out. And everyone is having a great Holiday season thus far!

Cheers & Love

S

P.S. You can never go wrong with a men's leather wallet from Burberry. Just don't get anything with the horrid check on it in PVC!

And you could NEVER go wrong with the Valentino Bow Clutch which is Pictured above!

I'm Not Bulletproof

All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around/I've been giving out chances everytime and all you do is LET ME DOWN/And it's taking me this long BABY but I've figured you out/And you're thinking we'll be fine again but NOT this time around......

You don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don’t want to HURT anymore
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I WON'T believe you baby like I did before
You’re not sorry NO, NOOOO

Looking so INNOCENT I might believe you if I didn't know/COULD HAVE LOVED YOU ALL MY LIFE IF YOU HADN'T LEFT ME WAITING IN THE COLD//And you got your share of SECRETS and I'm tired of being last to know/And your asking me to LISTEN cause it's worked each time before

YOU had ME crawling for you honey and it never would've gone away, NO/You used to SHINE SO BRIGHT but I WATCHED ALL OF IT FADE

THIS IS THE LAST STRAW....NOTHING LEFT TO BEG FOR.....AND YOU CAN TELL ME THAT YOU'RE SORRY BUT I WON'T BELIEVE YOU BABY LIKE I DID BEFORE....YOU'RE NOT SORRY....NO, NO, NO


This song was perfect for you darling. It's sad that I have been wasting my time and love on you for so long. But, guess what, I can't do it anymore. You've broken my heart soo many times I can't even count and we're NEVER going to be fine again so I getting out. I loved you since the day we met and I don't know how that goes away. But I'm trying my hardest. Please don't call. I don't think I would have the strengh right now to not pick up. The worst part is that I would have done anything for you. I'm too fucking nice and have soo much empathy in my heart for you. I want to forget the past 5 years and move on and I'm going to do it. I have nothing bad to say about you because we are one in the same. I know you like the back of my hand and that makes me sick. I bring up your name and everyone moans "ohh not again" and I say "don't worry this time it's different". IT'S NEVER FUCKING DIFFERENT! I'm just a stupid girl wishing you would turn into my prince and whisk me away. I don't want you in my dreams, in my journal, and especially in my head! But I'm so in love. And we try to be friends but that never works and when we are alone everything is soo perfect but within a small amount of time we are not speaking. I just wasted too much time. Way too much time. Maybe we are too alike, maybe you don't love me the way I love you, maybe nothing. I don't know but I did figure your pattern and just like the song says "you're thinking we'll be fine again but not this time around" Please let me be. I guess if you haven't really changed in 5-6 years your not going to and I know you can't change people but damnit ***** you even let me read the fucking letter. You have half of my secrets that know one knows and I have yours. How do I repair? I'm broken. I'm a human being, way to kind to everyone, show way to much empathy, I'm just way to nice. And I am not changing that but I have to walk away and it's going to be hard. I'm erasing your number. When you are upset I come running and hold your hand and you tell me that you'll always do the same but you never do. And I'm not bulletproof so I just can't do this anymore. -And I keep going back to the one thing that I have to walk away from. I love you but goodbye.

I've been licking my wounds
Woke up in love and seems so great
We both can't subdue
Darling you hold me prisoner
My heart as been bruised
So sad but it's true

I'm sorry,
S

**I hope this makes sense and you know it's all true